The word ^hate^ AIBU?

[Feminine]

Is it such a bad word for children to use?

I'm not talking about saying it relation to friends/people...in general though, I don't have a problem with it.

I have more of a problem with children behaving in a 'hateful' way.

mine are allowed to use it when expressing an opinion.

Recently I have been surprised when parents have looked utterly when their kids have used it. Followed by (in whispered tones) " Darling, that is not a nice word to use...it is a very strong word"

A few of these children ( say about 4/5 years old) don't play in a very nice way sometimes. This behaviour stands uncorrected, yet the hate word it jumped on

I have older children too, so maybe I don't see the big deal?

it is a horrible word for children to use

it is overused, I pull my mum up for using it around ds

it is a very powerful word used very often in a very flippant way

I pull ds (6) up for using it, has only been a few times and his friends if I am looking after them

Do you mean something like "I like apples but I hate bananas"? Not sure what the problem with that would be. Can't children have strong opinions?

yes of course children can have strong opinions

but the word hate is about more than having a strong opinion

I discourage "hate" because young children use it to mean "am not keen on, today".

The word should be saved for when it's appropriate, eg the bully who's making your life hell, grandma's cancer, etc. Not Johnny because he won't share his Milky Way.

Has anyone read the Lynda Barry cartoon strip about hate? Not sure if it's online but it very neatly punctures the preciousness about it being some kind of special nasty word rather than an ordinary word that expresses a strong feeling we all encounter sometimes.

Can they say "dislike intensely" instead?

I don't think it is all that powerful.

detest seems worse.

I personally save that for things and people

As I was saying in my op, hateful behaviour should be curtailed ...I'm just not getting it with regard to the word.

Things are very black and white for small children, though and that is tempered as they get older.

When DH used to tell DS3 off about anything, he used to stomp through the house, saying, "I 'ate Dad". When he got a little older he stopped doing it. His expressions became more appropriate.

Just like tantrums, 'hating' everything that annoys them, is something children usually grow out of.

Yes, soup a situation like you describe is what I'm thinking about.

It entirely depends on the context, doesn't it?

Learning to say what they mean and use words in roughly the normal meanings is something children need to learn. And is unrelated to the other things they need to learn, such as playing fairly. Tackling one does not preclude tackling others.

And of course, expecting other parents to agree with you on appropriate behaviour in playgrounds or soft play or wherever is a fast route to madness (see many threads passim).

farren my older children must say a lot worse

The Mums I'm thinking of mainly have small children (under 5) maybe it is a big deal then?

sometimes these children behave in a spiteful way, that remains unchallenged though

edith I've had 16 years of not saying anything.

With me, it is always 'each to their own'

I do have other parents correcting my DD if she uses that word though ....

I don't need any 'help' IYSWIM? :)

Yeah lets ban it

adds to the long list of words we aren't allowed to use

yay long live freedom of speech*

*as long as it tallies with my view of what you should be saying

I'm not sure what you mean beaker :)

It's just a word, though. It only becomes 'bad' if we allow it to.

And I agree that censoring language - whatever age the child - and doing nothing about bad behaviour is the wrong way round.

I think it's lost a lot of strength through overuse.

no one is talking about banning the word

and of course hateful behaviour should be challenged but thankfully ds has not been exposed to this, sadly some of his friends are. spiteful behaviour is usually challenged in our experience with regards to children being spiteful and should be

I might pull my kids up if they use it in relation to another person. But peas? They're perfectly entitled to 'hate' peas. Or maths. .

An example: one little girl who plays here regularly snatches, pushes and is sometimes quite a handful.

Mum just calmly tells her not to.

My dd mentioned something she hated doing (it was PE minus tights)

Both Mum and daughter looked very and decided this was a good time to help my DD with her language

Hope I'm not coming across too worked up about this, it has just got me pondering today!

My daughter hates wearing her school uniform without shorts underneath her dress. Fair enough.

I think that is about parenting

if ds acted like that I would be taking more control if he used the word hate I would be asking what he meant (depends what he was saying I hate peas is different to I hate little Jessica)

'hate' is a bad word? goodness.

Words have meaning, that's the entire point of words. To say words are only bad if we want them to is like saying history doesn't matter unless we want it to. It still has an affect whether we want it to or not.

Obviously bad behaviour needs to be dealt with; however using language as a weapon to hurt people is also bad behaviour. I wouldn't go whispering that it's not a nice word or that it is a strong word - that really doesn't help a child think about their actions or the other person, but when it happens I ask my child why they said it, discuss what they think hate means, and if they think the other person or person's work did deserves that. Every time the answer has been no, we discuss how to do it differently from now on, deal with the situation, and move on.

Oh crosspost, it's a bit odd for them to correct your DD's language on her thoughts on an activity.

To say words are only bad if we want them to is like saying history doesn't matter unless we want it to. It still has an affect whether we want it to or not.

But history is open to interpretation just as the 'badness' or otherwise of words is.

Yes, words have meanings. Hate means, amongst other things, dislike intensely. Would you pull up a child for saying they 'disliked' something 'intensely'?