To bloody hate how children's play is so structured these days!

[MrsBramStoker]

Was chatting to my DD (age 6) yesterday and as it's spring/coming into the summer, a bee flew into house and I told her a story of how I remember getting stung by a bee for the first time. She never got stung by a bee.

This got me thinking and almost became a metaphor for how protected children are today. I know it's a good thing of course but play seem much more structured and less physical and altogether less adventurous.

I grew up on a farm, and had a brilliant childhood. Lots of muck, hard work though; carrying buckets of milk and walking in then fields in the rain, picking mushrooms, cut knees from helping out with the hay in the summer.

We live in the city now, my daughter has recently moved schools and has made a few friends, been on a few play dates (which I have to say I detest, all very planned and structured, while I drink coffee with said mother, although nice too, but just no spontaneity and feels very fake) we also recently moved house so don't really know anyone on our road (are renting).

To make it even more unsettling, it that my parents and lots of my sisters and friends live down the country near where I grew up, and I would love to move down to be near, or at least a short drive away. My 3 kids love going down weekend, mucking about with cousins, etc.
Dh keeps saying 'there are no jobs' there but what he really means are 'there are no jobs with a big salary'. We live in a nice, middle class area, but all these means sh** to me if I'm honest. What's the point in being near nice restaurants, etc.
I could buy a much cheaper house near home in the country, but of course my husband might die as it's not near a trendy, posh area near gigs and restaurants we never actually go to.

I feel like my heart not in the way We're living our lives, or not giving the children the best possible childhood. We go to the playground, cinema, shopping centre. All very safe and nice, but all very planned. We buy stuff, pay to watch a movie. The park closes and we got home to watch tv, play a computer game, read a book, and maybe play in our tiny back garden surrounded by noise of traffic and the dog barking next door.

The children are happy but IMO, me and dh don't have the same values and I'm getting more resentful as time goes on. I probably sound like a moan and of course I've tried to be happy and make the best of it, as been in the city for about 10 years. Maybe am not expressing myself well.

Better go as I've to text a mother about a playmate next week. For 2pm on Wednesday:)

My parents moved out to the countryside from the city when I was eight. I never really forgave them for it! I hated living in the countryside. I was so dependent on them for everything, it used to drive me mad. Especially as a teenager, it felt like I couldn't go anywhere without ridiculous amounts of planning. Plus the countryside (in my case) meant small village = small minds. I loved the freedom of the city! Also, in our case, the secondary school options were so limited where we lived that I ended up back at school in the city, so it hardly simplified things for anybody.

Now we live in a set up that sounds similar to yours - city house, tiny garden, not much spontaneous playing at friends' houses, etc. But the kids get to spend holidays at my mum's in the country, so they get their fair share of tree climbing, fields and muddy play. I think they have the best of both worlds!

Exactly the same experience gastrognome....my teenage years were so boring!

I Think I enjoyed living in the countryside until I was about 9 or 10 and then it became too restrictive. Did you really enjoy it as much as a teenager OP? I've also never been stung by a wasp or a bee!

For me having somewhere to visit in the countryside is the best of both worlds. I live in London and love it with my kids. I'm born and bred though. Yesterday we spent the day in woods with the kids on their bikes. Today we are going to Wagamama's for lunch. Monday the science museum. I love the variety in London. Sounds you are unhappy with my life. My best friend lives in the countryside with her now teenager and says its a nightmare with lifts.

I know where you're coming from OP. We're in London zone 3 and absolutely love it for lots of reasons...... but my boys (2 and 6) love being in the countryside so much and we're thinking of a move somewhere further out. I grew up in a very rural area - we had a huuuge garden with no fences to next door so a massive area to roam in, fields and woods all around, lovely small school. Things I would love for my boys.

But!

There are also lots of things that were not so great - having to be driven everywhere, very limited circle of friends at primary school (only three girls in my year!), having to plan any socialising when I was at secondary school.

In fact I find the opposite of you in terms of spontaneity -one of the things I love about being in the city is that socialising is so spontaneous - always running into friends and stopping over at people's houses to play.

Also, the idea of kids roaming the countryside... I;m not sure how realistic that really is. I'm not certain I would let my children out on their own to a greater extent in the countryside than in the city..... it does sound rather like you are pinning all of your hopes for life on a move.

op -enjoy it where you are and go camping simples.

I grew up in a small city that had a lot of forests (like many Midwestern American cities). I sometimes wish the kids had more forests to explore in because the green area around us seems to be mostly open grass areas which don't seem to have the same exploration value for them, but that might just be them. They seem to enjoy the outside just as much though not usually for as long as I did.

YABabitU. I think I had the same upbringing as you and I do wonder sometimes about what DD is missing out on. But that does not mean she is getting a worse upbringing, only different.
The countryside can be idyllic but it can also be boring less challenging to an older child. When your DC grow up maybe it will be easier being in the city to cater to their interests and activities? Why not try to enjoy the best of both worlds? Your DC love their weekends with family in the countryside, that's great, they will probably forever treasure those memories. On the other hand, they will enjoy their life in the city in a different way.Just don't worry about it so much.
If you strongly want to go back to the country though, not for your DC or anyone else, but because you yourself want it, that's something you need to figure out. But your DC will be just fine in the city as well as in the countryside.

I agree with the earlier poster - enjoy the benefits of living in a city and at the weekends/holidays go camp

Sorry... Go camping! I was immersed in my 'Cool Camping Kids' book earlier - so many wonderful places to visit! Sure it would appeal to your husband's 'trendy' ideas?! Also festivals are amazing - we went to Camp Bestival last year, it was awesome.

We live in the country-ish (a county town) and it's good but not the same as what you are describing - you have to go proper rural for that!

Sometimes I'd love to live in a city - things like museums, carnivals, festivals... All really enriching.