I've n/c because this is so sensitive.
My dad is an alcoholic and an abusive man, of course like all people he has a good side too.
Myself and my siblings had horrible childhoods, we didn't go without food or a clean bed. But we were constantly smacked, yelled at, criticised, called names such as little bastard, little brat, little fart. My dad would tell me my school artwork was crap. We never did anything normal, not one trip to the seaside, my mum begrudgingly took me to the park once a year. My whole childhood felt as though I was either in a house or car inhaling their fag fumes while they argued. The never worked, we were always on 'the dole' as my dad called it and he'd regularly sell things out of the house.
When I was 17 I went to college and then got a job, I was just a normal young person. My dad hated me having any type of relationship with my mum, they'd stay up drinking until 3-4 in the morning, not get up till midday and then spend the rest of the time in their bedroom.
Every morning for work I'd get up to a house that smelled like a brewery, full ashtrays and beer cans everywhere. If I complained my dad would do things like emptying the bins all over the floor and screaming that it was 'his house'.
They would keep me awake all night with the TV blaring, arguing, my dad up and down for a piss. There was a glass panel above my bedroom door and I wasn't allowed to turn the light off, if I complained about the noise he'd kick off and deliberately keep my brother and I awake by putting music on or making the dog bark at 3, 4 or 5 in the morning.
My mum didn't really agree with any of this, but she stood back and watched and tried to rationalise his behaviour.
When I was about 18 my older sister disclosed that my dad had sexually abused her, it was only once and not rape but he'd come into our room and kissed and touched her. She begged me not to tell anyone but a few months later at a particularly bad time I told my mum, thinking she'd leave. She didn't. She stayed with my dad and tried to excuse that he was drunk, didn't know what he was doing. I've seen my dad vomit everywhere, fall down the stairs, bring random strangers back to our home.
10 years on my parents are still living their dysfunctional life. I maintain a distant relationship but find it incredibly stressful as my dad often goes on binges.
Recently there was an incident, my dad was drunk and had a row with his brother who's also an alcoholic. He threatened to knock his brother out and his brother called the police. And told them that my dad had hit my mum. He actually didn't.
My mum ended up with a bruised arm from coming between them, the police came and went but then for some reason my dad in a drunken state called the police on himself saying he's battering his wife. He wasn't but obviously got arrested and charged with assault.
My mum said she was going to leave, we've helped her, she's seen a women's aid worker and been offered priority housing from the council and also counselling.
Instead she's decided to give my dad 'one last chance'.
This has all been going on for over a week. They're breaking his bail conditions by seeing each other. He acts remorseful, has promised never to drink again, to get help. But instead he's seeked no help, he's told her if she doesn't go back he will kill himself, he bought booze today then didn't drink it but said it was because there's no hope without her.
There's no getting through to my mum, I believe that she's codependent and that I am also in still trying to help her when she's beyond help.
What the fuck do I do?