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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a bit irritated with a work colleague?

26 replies

PenguinBear · 03/04/2014 20:46

Before I start, I just want to say that she is a very kind hearted and generous person and I get on well with her.

The thing that bugs me is the way she always has to be the authority on everything. Not just one one topic either, literally everything!! AIBU to find the following things irritating?

I mention I am going on a First Aid course 'oh I have done loads of First Aid courses and used to train first aiders' etc.
My dd1 was going for a job interview. 'I used to interview people. Make sure she does X and not at' etc.
Diets - I've had hours of diet advice. unasked for.
Parenting - how she does things, what works for her, how I should do things with mine (I've been a parent years longer than her!)
Someone had a shoulder injury at work and she told them off for following advice from the doctor and advised them to treat it and gave them her better advice.

I've not asked for any of this advice, she just volunteers it all. Whatever I say, she's done it better and wants to tell me how to do it. I always just smile and thank her probably while she keeps doing it!. She's renowned in our place of work for it but because I work with her daily, I get most of it.

Is there a good way to handle without upsetting her? As I said at the start, I like her as a person and would hate to upset her.

OP posts:

Tryingtobetidy · 03/04/2014 20:49

Sounds exactly like my boss

NearTheWindymill · 03/04/2014 20:53

"I once worked with a person who liked to tell everyone so much what to do that no-one would would share an office with her". Eventually someone raised a grievance it annoyed them so much after they told her to back off a bit. It all ended very badly and such a shame people didn't talk about it before it reached that stage.

Honestly, can't you just say "any other advice for me then; I might hang myself tonight - would you like to show me how"?

Original poster

PenguinBear · 03/04/2014 22:24

Thanks! I think that would upset her a lot! Would have to have the softly, softy approach!

OP posts:

Comeatmefam · 03/04/2014 22:31

It's hard.

Can you avoid her? Are you sat next to her? If so can you ask for an office change around?

Find ways to cut her off assertively yet politely: 'That's interesting, would you like a coffee?' or 'Thanks, great. Right, I've got to got and see X' etc etc.

NoodleOodle · 03/04/2014 22:33

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to concentrate on this email. If you are really bursting to give me this advice, can you do it later please?" Every time till she stops.

NoodleOodle · 03/04/2014 22:38

Or, how about:

"You seem to really enjoy giving advice. It's a shame to waste it on me when I'm not really looking for guidance. hy don't you set up a blog or chatline so you can share your advice with a really grateful audience, I'm sure there's a market out there for people looking for free life coaching?"

atosilis · 03/04/2014 22:38

My colleague is exactly the same. My favourite one was when she explained that her doctor was pleased to be informed about something she didn't know. Her consultant learns more about her 'condition' as she knows so much.

Poor sods, bet they love it.

Original poster

PenguinBear · 04/04/2014 22:38

Love the advice column but wonder if that would make her even worse!!!

OP posts:

AskBasil · 04/04/2014 22:41

God, send her on to Mumsnet.

She would be a leading light in no time. On every section. Tell her there are thousands of women out here needing her advice and she's selfish to withhold it.

Or you could send her to Netmums if you think you wouldn't like her being here.

FutTheShuckUp · 04/04/2014 22:44

Sadly there's one in every friendship group, uni group, workplace, playground. You just need to laugh really as its a sign of insecurity

kotinka · 04/04/2014 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PenguinBear · 05/04/2014 06:50

If someone is asking you for help I think it's a little different to simply advising people on everything when they haven't asked for it!

OP posts:

Financeprincess · 05/04/2014 07:48

The thing I'm most surprised about is that you only find her A BIT irritating.

Chottie · 05/04/2014 07:56

Can you smile sweetly and say how wonderful it is having an expert on every subject available 24/7 to give advice on just everything!

You have huge sympathy from me too, I work with some one like that and so does DP.

myroomisatip · 05/04/2014 08:03

I like the idea of sending her to Netmums

Joysmum · 05/04/2014 08:17

On the other hand, if she has experience of things she may feel she likes you enough to want to help you get the best/ avoid potholes.

Those giving advice aren't always doing so to be an authority or any negative reasons, many do it merely because they genuinely care and want to make things better.

That's one of the reasons why I come on mumsnet. I like to learn and l like to think that I might have helped a stranger by sharing things that have helped me in the past.

diddl · 05/04/2014 08:52

Well sometimes it is just conversation, isn't it?

"I've also done that course, this worked for me when I had that..."

Stop telling her stuff and see how that goes.

giannna · 05/04/2014 09:11

I'd just be vague with her, and as someone else suggested try to be assertive when she does start dishing out advice. Just smile, nod, and change the subject or start doing something else.

She does sound very irritating

GoblinLittleOwl · 05/04/2014 11:30

Sign her up to mumsnet, then she can give advice to all and sundry for as much as she wants. It's very therapeutic!

mercibucket · 05/04/2014 11:35

and is her medical advice better or worse than your average gp?

often people do know more than the average gp about their particular condition

anyhow, i am like this, but mumsnet is a better outlet . .

GrendelsMum · 05/04/2014 11:37

I have a habit of doing this too.... Genuinely do want to be helpful, but I can see its occasionally frustrating!

honeybeeridiculous · 05/04/2014 11:44

She sounds like my old boss, heart of gold, but if you had done something, she had done it better, strangely, (or worryingly)she liked to top trump people with illnesses, if my friend had flu, her friend would have meningitis
It got so annoying that I just tried to avoid her and stopped telling her anything, quite difficult when there's only 12 in the workplace I worked there for 10 years and she finally tipped me over the edge and I left!
Direct her to netmums!

whitesugar · 05/04/2014 11:45

I work with someone exactly the same. She knows everything on the planet, everything. She dominates all the conversations in order to tell people all the things she knows. The reality is she knows f all. She is 25 and has no DC and ruined a lovely lunch recently by telling myself and 3 other colleagues who all have DC everything that she knew about children with learning difficulties. She gleaned this information because her mother works in a school a few days a week as an assistant. It has now got to the stage when the only conversations I have with her are hello, how are you? If I happen to be in the tea room or any other office where she is telling everyone all the things she knows I leave immediately. It is a form of torture and I feel for you OP. At least your colleague seems half decent. I feel your pain.

CailinDana · 05/04/2014 12:00

I can be a bit like this. But I now have a friend who's just as bad and many of our conversations involve us interrupting each other plying each other with advice that the other heartily agrees with. I think someone should film us - we must be quite a sight.
I try to hold back with other people as I know how irritating it is. But with this friend I just let rip, it's very therapeutic! Perhaps find her a kindred spirit?

MrsSteptoe · 05/04/2014 12:37

Could I suggest that possibly you have historically behaved as if you intend to take her advice and welcome the discussion, out of politeness? I found that I managed to knock the edge off the endless advice-giving from my old school friend when I told her what I was going to do about something and when she started to give me advice about it, said that I didn't agree with her. Fortunately, it came off very light and conversational, as though the whole conversation had been a bit hypothetical anyway, so it worked well. It could have been a bit of a stand-off, IYSWIM. But I think what I'm trying to get at is, she's possibly doing it because you've encouraged her (sorry, I'm not being critical!), because you sound like a really nice person who doesn't want to hurt her feelings and you might need to redefine yourself as someone who doesn't need advice because you know what you want to do. Hope that makes sense.

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