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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be getting irritated with a friend endlessly asking small favours?

44 replies

CruCru · 03/04/2014 19:41

I have a good friend who is a lot of fun BUT seems to need a small favour rather often. I am wondering whether I am being petty.

OP posts:

Rexandralpf · 03/04/2014 23:12

I think your being pedantic. Everyone knows generally when the bank hols are. You are perfectly within your rights to say sorry you are using home. Not sure about the work info situation. I like to be helpful so it wouldn't bother me - except if she was getting annoyed if I didn't know.

HughJarrs · 03/04/2014 23:15

I'd just say sorry the house is in use then. If you let her have it it will just rankle.

DontCareAboutYourShoes · 03/04/2014 23:16

Just say no?

MexicanSpringtime · 04/04/2014 02:43

Did you offer her the use of your holiday home?

Poughle · 04/04/2014 03:27

I remember the other thread, I think the op in that one didn't work with the cheeky friend though. That makes it a bit trickier as you have to keep things professional (even though she's not!)

Still... Its not that hard: "Oh, I didn't realise it was a bank holiday. We don't lend it out over bank holidays."

MusicalEndorphins · 04/04/2014 03:29

Just tell her you will be using it.

Strandy · 04/04/2014 04:21

YANBU at all...she sounds annoying but like so many of have said, when it comes to the holiday home, you need to be quite clear that you are using it i.e. block her from going there again. Make up excuses if you can't be that direct.

I feel the need to respond to the point about her asking you technical questions to do with work. I have an old college friend who did this for YEARS and it f*ed me off no end. I was always ahead of her in college and in my career, and so when she was going for job interviews and networking, she was always looking for help/favours. Up until quite recently she was still asking for help with work projects etc and then last year, she cheekily asked me for some informatino to help with her husband's evening diploma homework.

I emailed her very bluntly to say no, I don't have any information on that and didn't I already give her something similar a few years ago? She hasn't asked for anything since thankfully. I had a 'cooling off' period from her too but now we are slowly going for coffees etc, while previously I didn't really want to meet her alone anymore as it was all about favours.

Respond politely that you cannot give too much information away as it is confidential to the company etc, plus you can't remember.

NutcrackerFairy · 04/04/2014 07:21

Why don't you just say no?

I am sure she is a bit pushy and irritating but if you're not straight with her you are putting yourself in this predicament by being passive.

pluCaChange · 04/04/2014 07:39

Those aren't "small favours"!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/04/2014 08:22

Jus say you are using it then.

Original poster

CruCru · 04/04/2014 09:08

Thanks all, I wasn't sure if I was being petty.

Re the house, we have always said we are happy for people to use it and usually that is cool because we go down with them but in this case I think her whole family will be going so there won't be room for us.

OP posts:

comicsansisevil · 04/04/2014 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Forgettable · 04/04/2014 09:14

Wrt work, bat the queries back to her:

"I can't help you with that, not in my sphere of knowledge/ask jenny, she's the letter folding queen/do you need to get training, look here's Pete - yooohooo Pete, Liz here wants to know about advanced letter folding"

Wrt the hol home, I think you are giving out conflicting signals, by saying yeah am cool with folk asking but then getting irritated when they DO ask.

Original poster

CruCru · 04/04/2014 09:18

This is probably true. I think what's annoying me is that in this case if her family are all there, there won't be room for us. Usually it is us plus some friends so we can drink wine when the kids go to bed.

OP posts:

RobotLover68 · 04/04/2014 13:20

then say that: sorry we don't lend it out like that, we visit WITH our friends

pluCaChange · 05/04/2014 13:52

If you don'teven work with her, much less for her, it ought to be plausible enough for you yo steo back a bit from contact, especially if current contact is only about favours!

EverythingCounts · 05/04/2014 13:58

Just say you've now realised it's bank holiday weekend and you never lend it out then. As for the work queries, I would keep saying you don't know in the cheeriest possible tone, adding brightly 'Actually, that's the sort of question I might be asking you!'

meganorks · 05/04/2014 14:13

Asking work questions seems fair enough. Just say no about the holiday home. 'Sorry we will be there for the bank holiday'. If you say no why would she keep asking? If you haven't said a firm no then I can understand she would keep asking as she needs to know or make other arrangements

OneQuirkyCat · 13/07/2024 08:53

I don’t think you’re being petty. Friends don’t take the piss. We know a couple who constantly ask for big favours I wouldn’t dream of asking. They have also borrowed a big expensive item, broken it, failed to mention it/ apologise/ replace it.
Haven’t heard back from my friend since I declined her kind suggestion that I look after her kid all day and evening on my only free day in a month. Offered to pass on details of our babysitter - haven’t heard from the friend since!

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