AIBU to ask my partner to abandon his business?

[OscarandTimmy]

I put a previous AIBU thread about moving abroad with children, but have realised I am being hasty.

I am from Manchester but moved to be with my partner when we had a baby (1yo). It wasn't an option at the time for him to move with me as he has a painting and decorating business in Blackpool. He brings home around 500 a week, and the commute from Manchester would have been in excess of £100 a week in petrol (heavy transit van full of tools)

We currently live in central Blackpool - drunks, stag and hen dos, homelessness, poverty, run down, etc etc.

I am becoming more and more unhappy living here and have spent the day in tears (maybe something to do with pregnancy hormones!)
I feel I will never be happy here and do not want my son to grow up in one of the most deprived towns in the UK with a poor standard of education. With another baby on the way, we also need extra room.

We had a financial adviser round who said it would be impossible for us to buy a new house at the moment due to our financial situation.

I have been looking for jobs for him and there are quite a few available £12-£14 and hour. He is very experienced and has all qualifications. This is more than what he is earning at the moment with his business.

I feel that if he is not willing to move, I may have to move out on my own. However hard it is, I just cannot continue being this unhappy and I am concerned about my son growing up here.

I have two AIBU's:

AIBU to ask him to abandon his business and get work with someone else? I understand he is proud, and it has been going around 7 years, but it will be better for the family. It would not be possible to live out of town due to commuting costs, and we hardly have enough money as it is. We missed a mortgage payment this month, and will have to pay double next month.

AIBU to remove ourselves from the property ladder and rent instead? Buying elsewhere is impossible.

Sorry if Im jumbled up, writing through tears!

He seems like hes getting the raw deal. He has to sell the house and give up his business whilst you get to live where you want, study for a job that wont likely suit having two small children (not to mention childcare costs for two preschoolers) whilst leaving all the financial obligation to him.

If you had your own company would you give it up and move away from your home on the say so of your male partner or would the adivce on here be to tell him to man up and deal with it.

And as said before working in the decorting trade for someone else is nearly impossible and the 12-14 and hour is near enough in dream land with quailifed eastern european tradesmen around (espically in manchester) at best the wage would more likely be £8-9.

It is madness to give up your place on the property ladder as with both your combined wages I would doubt you could get another house in a nice area or yet even a better area then blackpool when paying through your teeth for rent.

and would your reletionship survive the resentment that would build if you did guilt / force him to give up his company as I doubt I would forgive my husband if he forced me to give up my company. I just hope you arnt going to jump on to life changing decions based on the grass is greener on the other side ideals.

Where do the debts come from, though? If they pre-dste your relationship, that means his business is not viable, even to support a single man, so resentment is not warranted.

I feel for you as you sound unhappy, but I think it would be very unfair and extremely short sighted to expect him to give up his business which he has worked hard to build up.

In your shoes I would have a medium term plan. Your children aren't at school yet, and even though you may be living in a less desirable area than you'd like, your children will be fine. As parents, you have the biggest influence on them and can provide a happy home environment. Make plans to move to a better outlying area in say, 5 years.

I would also have a serious think about whether your going to Uni is going to result in the best financial rewards... Like others have said, you may enjoy the studying but will it lead to work which you can manage, taking into account childcare?

From what you say, your main desire to be able to afford to move. Is there any way you could work ( fitting round dp if you can't afford childcare) or check whether you're eligible for subsidies? There is a free early years element when children turn 3 which may help.

actually if you did the accounts billing etc you could legitimately be paid a reasonable wage for doing so hence lowering the household tax bill as your wages would be an expense you would get NI contributions too so without your DH working any harder you would have a bit more money each month as paying less tax, the accounts would be done so less financial stress for you

obviously your wage as to be reasonable for the hours you do but you could easily be claiming 12-15 hours a week at £7-10 an hour

it won't alter historic tax bill but will reduce ongoing taxation this is not tax avoidance but being paid for doing a job

But is the business successful?

Clearly he has got himself in a financial mess and is burying his head in the sand about it.

Unless he's prepared to talk about it and sort it out, it will only get worse I'm afraid.

And the stop after that could be bankruptcy.

He needs to face up to it all and talk to you. Then see a financial/business advisor.