AIBU to be pissed off with mil offering to keep buying us a house

[Fusedog]

AIBU the first thing was oh was hold when he got married as with all the siblings he would get a deposit for a home as have the other siblings

How it workes in his family after the wedding his dad phones for a chat this did happen however oh failed to foresee that his mother dissaproves so after the offer about two hours later I presume after his dad had told his mum about the chat she rung and reteacated the offer *please note this is not money we asked for

Things pretty much went down hill from there and we have sought to save the money ourselfs however living in London and trying to save is difficult we figured we could move out of London and afford a family home however Due to my son being in year 10 and doing GCSES it would be crule to move him now so we plan to wait until he's finished also we would have save that little bit more

Roll on give years since we were married now go get a promotion and we have a little baby we recently went to see in laws so they could meet the baby and they offered us a despposit again on a home what they offered us would not be enough to get a home in London even with what we have saved , we did explain that were happy to move out of London but due to ds we have to wait and she's basically told us take the money now and buy in London or you get noting and we won't be offering again when we can actually move in 18 months when ds finished school

I said to oh I can't understand why they won't realise how expensive London is espically when they have 2 flats in London which have gone up 12% in value in the last year alone ffs

I told oh that he should tell his mother thanks but no thanks and that we will make our own way I can't take the stress any more oh was very up set the first time to have a offer only to have it retracted and then to be offered again only to be told take the money now or you can't have it at all espically when were not in a position to buy now with the issue of ds education AIBU to be pissed off

Move with your OWN money when your son has done his GCSE's.

IF MIL approved of you - the money would have been forthcoming years back when your husband first married you, in the same way as all his siblings were given cash. He chose to disobey her by marrying a woman of his choice, not hers and this is the price.

Ever so subtly she's still trying to use her money to drive a wedge in your marriage - which is beyond the pale imho now the two of you have a child together. If you accept this offer there'll be more strings to come as honestly it sticks in her craw to see YOU benefit in anyway from her gift, she may even pull out at the 11th hour with some nebulous excuse leaving you high and dry.

Parts of London have changed beyond recognition anyway over the last 20 years, and are no longer such pleasant places to live. Buy where you and your family will be happy, in control and where MIL's nasty undermining cannot split your family or hurt your children.

Parts of the North and Wales still enable you to buy a 3 bed semi for under £100K. Buy in a nice part of the country, in an area and at a budget and time you can all afford and be happy. I recently located from london and our quality of life has gone up 10 fold. I'm no longer concerned about gangs or many of the darker sides of London life that can negatively impact our kids. In the meantime make sure your man knows how much you admire him for being the sibling willing and able to cut Mummy's apron stings & cut his own swathe thru life.

Buy a buy to let outside of London in an area with rising house prices. Rent it out. Then sell in a few years and hopefully you will have a bigger deposit (if you buy wisely).

Look for an area where new transport links are planned to get into London. Or an area on the up. Or buy a tiny flat in an ok part of London and rent it out.

Or buy a house in an area you plan to move to in 2 years - and temporarily rent it out.

Don't take it. She is trying to control you with money. I have to be honest here, I have had issues with my own mil over different things and she can be a control freak but in laws did help us with the cost of our house move, very generously. I wasn't keen at all as I feared she would use it as a form of control and throw it in my face but bless her heart, she never has and much as she drives me nuts, I respect her for that and hope I will be as generous to my own kids and their partners.