To think DH has treated me very unfairly today?

[newname1123]

I've namechanged.

I suddenly became ill yesterday with a virus; feeling very sick, headache, shaky, dizzy etc, and had no choice but to lay on the sofa for the rest of the evening as I felt so ill, so DH had to do everything.

This morning I felt even worse and couldn't get out of bed so DH had to take the day off work to look after the kids, do school runs etc. He hates me being ill and always is moody if I'm ill. I could tell all day that he was moody as he was very huffy and just did the very bare minimum, ie took the kids to school, and wouldn't do anything for me such as get me a drink.

He got the kids from school, and then did their tea, and after that I felt a bit better, and having been in bed all day decided to bring a duvet down to the sofa for a couple of hours to watch tv and for some company. DH basically said to me that as I was 'up' he'd done enough and wasn't doing anything else tonight as he's tired. I asked if he'd got the uniforms ready for tomorrow, and he just went mad at me. I could tell all day that he'd been waiting for any opportunity to start an argument with me.

I tried to talk to him saying that I was just asking because they need sorting for tomorrow and he kept saying "SHUT UP" and "If you haven't got anything nice to say, DON'T say it". Then he said 'I'm going to sit upstairs, I don't want to be near YOU' and has gone off upstairs in a huff.

I'm upset. I feel low and vulnerable anyway, and he wouldn't let me say anything to defend myself and just shouted at me. I'm hardly ever ill, and I normally do everything for the DCs and all the housework as well as working.

Agree this sounds like he doesn't know how to care as he hadn't seen caring behaviour. My dad was apparently like this in the early years of my parents marriage and he cane from a very neglectful background. I think my mum had to literally teach him how to display care and concern.

Why do you normally do all the childcare and housework as well as working? Seems like he thinks you are an unpaid domestic servant, so he's pissed off when the servant can't do it all as usual.

He's being massively out of order and sounds like a spoiled child.

I had a bug a few weeks ago that started with me waking with the worst headache of my life (and I'm prone to migraines). By the time I'd picked DCs up from school it was all I could do to lie on the sofa till DH came home. I went to bed, he sorted kids and looked after me. Took the day off work and sorted everything the next day. When I felt a bit better the next evening he still sorted kids packed lunch and dinner, dishes etc. and asked if I'd be okay for him to go to work the next day.

That's how a DH/DW/DP should be when their partner is ill, not acting all hard done by.

I'm guessing you look after him when he's ill. If I were you I'd let him get on with it from now on but then I'm a bit PA sometimes.

A couple should be a team. Sometimes one of that team gets ill and the other should take care of them.

Making the kids' tea, sorting out packed lunches in the morning, doing the school run and all the housework should already be shared tasks, so for the one picking up the slack for the unwell partner, it should be no big thing. Drinks brought up, cuddles and mopping of fevered brows as well as caring for YOUR children should be part of the package of LOVING someone, whether you're a woman or a man. It's sort of a dead easy conept, really.

I'M sorry, he appears to be behaving like a twat.

Has he been like this before?

It's a bit sad that a grown adult can't cope with a change of his routine.

And I would aloo like to know whether he is so unused to doing any of these tasks that he sees them as a massive imposition. If so, that is a problem. Are you a SAHM?

Oh, and anyone who tells you to shut up, let alone your life partner, let alone when you are ill, is behaving totally unreasonably

Sorry

I did not read carefully enough. You work as well and he never takes his share.

Knob

what do you do for him when he's ill like that?

He's a cunt.

HTH

Who does he think he is, your boss or something? He'll be asking you for sick notes next. Quel espèce de twat.

that's no way to live.

I'm not claiming that I have some sort of Disney film type marriage where it's all perfect all the time but I can honestly say that in 20 years my dh has never ever told me to shut up, (and I've never said it to him either.) I feel that he respects me, and part of that is being able to discuss, or even argue, without losing control.

It doesn't sound like you are treated with respect.

Actually the more I think about this the more annoyed I become.

Tell him, from one bloke to another, that he's a fucking bellend.

So, what would happen if you got properly ill? Seriously, properly, can't force yourself to carry on ill? And what happens when you both get old, and infirm?

He's supposed to be your partner through all life's ups and downs. This is not a man I'd like by my side.

Have you posted something similar to this before? I could swear I've read a near identical scenario before.

Depressing to think there could be two husbands with this MO.

Yup, hes a twat.

What an arse. He has no right to speak to you like that just because you are unwell and he is having to step up to the plate. That's life,and he is as much responsible for looking after your children as you are. If he cannot get into gear when you are unwell for a day, god help you if anything really serious were to happen (hope it doesn't obvs)

And to illustrate just how much of a cunt your 'd' h is, I came down with an unexpected, seriously fast onset flu-like illness on Monday night, to the point where I couldn't walk, within about two hours. Dh was due to start a new job in the same company on Tuesday morning involving travel to a different city 200 miles away. Almost the first thing he said when he realised just how ill I was, and with two children to deal with one of whom was also off school and ill, was "I'll call new boss first thing and tell him I can't come over for a couple of days". That's a man who believes in 'through thick and thin'.

Erk @ those posters blaming women (their mothers) for men like this being an arsehole of the highest order

he acts like this because he can, because he wants to, because he thinks women are inferior to him

not because he "wasn't mothered properly"

sheesh