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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

scootering on the pavement

89 replies

madeitagain · 01/04/2014 19:38

On Mother's Day I joined some friends for lunch. They have two children each. One has a child slightly younger than my own (who is 4 and 1/2) and an older one (7) and the other has a 7 year old and a young child who is in a pushchair.
After lunch we all went to a park that was a few blocks away. All the children except the young one (in a pushchair) had a scooter. My child is competitive and quite impulsive. I always keep a very close watch on him when he scooters on the pavement. I was horrified to be part of of group who just basically let their children go for it along the pavement. They had to stop at the kerb and wait for us and to be fair they did.But I was overwhelmed with anxiety and so incredibly stressed. I made my four year old come and scooter beside me. He wasn't at all happy with the other children scootering along with no apparent supervision from the other two mothers. I was livid that both my child and I had been put in such a (to me dangerous situation). I did say something to the other mothers. But basically I was so furious with them.

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 01/04/2014 20:39

Why do people post in AIBU when they have already made up their mind that they are not being unreasonable? Do you just want everyone to agree with you or what?

Joules68 · 01/04/2014 20:42

Yes, they all have their own personalities!! Of course!

But why do you expect everyone to fit in with your kid?

CoffeeTea103 · 01/04/2014 20:46

So because your child gets out of control you think the others should revolve around you. So sound very irritating tbh.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2014 20:47

I am totally baffld by this.

You are "Fusrious" because everyone in the group didn't change what they were doing to cater for your son? Who they know "fairly well". Butthey are supposed to analyse the sitaution purely from your POV based on what yo consider to be your DS's persoanlity traits.

God you're self absorbed arent you

YABVU

FloozeyLoozey · 01/04/2014 20:49

How terribly shocking!

HauntedNoddyCar · 01/04/2014 20:50

But if your child has a strop it's time to explain they can go ahead because they're older and/or better behaved.

I let my oldest walk on ahead but youngest has to hold my hand. No strops.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/04/2014 20:50

"I don't think it is unreasonable if there is a situation like this, and one of the party is an impulsive and fairly competitive child, if expectations of all the children are modified."
Well, I think it IS unreasonable. Your friend's children have earned their mothers' trust and are thus allowed the freedom to scoot. Your child has yet to earn your trust to scoot safely. It is unfair to place restrictions on the other children because your son is 'impulsive and competitive'. Unfair and unreasonable.

Scrounger · 01/04/2014 20:51

So you expect other children to modify their behaviour to accommodate your wishes but not that you modify your child's behaviour (which you did) to accommodate two older children?

I find when I am with other families I accommodate my children's behaviour to some extent or let certain things slide, but not all. There are even times when I don't like doing this and even get a bit pissed off with it because it makes my life a bit more difficult. But in some instances why should my children have to behave differently because of one other child all the time?

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/04/2014 20:53

It's a shame because it's always nice when kids get on well enought o be considerate of each other, but being furious about it is way over the top. You could have used it as a lesson for your DS "See when you're older and I know you'll stop at the point I've asked you to, you'll be able to scoot off too. Don't worry, you can show them how fast you are in the park." (And yes, I know this would be small comfort to him, but it might sink in a bit as to what he has to gain from actively trying to control his impulses).

FionaJT · 01/04/2014 20:57

YABU to expect 7 yr olds to to conform to rules for stroppy 4yr olds. Your child needs to be told that they can't do the stuff the bigger ones do, and if another younger one is allowed then explain that is because his Mum has different rules. 4 is quite old enough to start learning that lesson. I have a rather daredevil dd and I have stopped her from doing thing that other kids are doing on the basis that I know she won't be careful and they will. But that is between me and dd, what the other kids parents let them do is up to them.

rideyourbike · 01/04/2014 21:09

Can I ask, if scooters should be saved for the park and not used on the pavement, how are you meant to get them to the park?

Original poster

madeitagain · 01/04/2014 21:13

Thank you FionaJT that is a reasonable way of approaching a situation like this. I could explain to my son that other mothers have different rules. I think he would accept this. It was difficult in the heat of the moment. I am astonished that people giving me feedback are able to turn this into a personal attack. Really!
I suppose the bottom line is that regardless of my child's temperament I don't think I feel comfortable or at ease with any child of my child's age or even the seven year old's that accompanied him scootering on a pavement without being closely supervised.

OP posts:

AwfulMaureen · 01/04/2014 21:13

BarryFife you might have been the parent of the child who was allowed to do as it bloody wanted and who knocked my three year old into the ROAD as he careered along and directly into her.

Children should NOT be allowed to go as fast as they want on pavements! It's as bad as cyclists almost. My three year old was knocked right off her feet and over the kerb...and no...she wasn't near the kerb but the boy was about 6 and much heavier than she was. The Mother just said "Oooh sorry!" when she finally caught up.

AwfulMaureen · 01/04/2014 21:14

Bike er,..you carry them! Or the child pushes or pulls it. You don't bloody allow them to speed along the path!

LynetteScavo · 01/04/2014 21:18

YABU.

And surely the verb is to scoot not scooter. Is scootering actually a word these days?

MoominsYonisAreScary · 01/04/2014 21:20

I wouldnt let mine scoot a head on the path incase they knocked someone over.

However I don't expect everyone else to do the same

Treaclepot · 01/04/2014 21:23

So your child can't behave, you expect everyone else to make their child act differently.

That is not how it works.

Teach your child to behave, then he can join his friends.

drivenfromdistraction · 01/04/2014 21:27

I don't think children should scooter faster than walking pace on a pavement. Mine are not allowed to. It's dangerous for pedestrians, and it's not safe for the child (driveways/overshooting kerbs etc.) So YANBU. I think I'm in a minority though.

Original poster

madeitagain · 01/04/2014 21:28

Please read my message above Treaclepot.

OP posts:

rideyourbike · 01/04/2014 21:29

Oh, I think YABU. I don't know anyone who carries the scooter or gets their child to push it. I have twins and their scooters are heavy these days (stunt ones!) they are careful though, we wait to let pedestrians and animals pass, not much zooming ahead. Aren't different people funny?

Lucylouby · 01/04/2014 21:32

My seven year old is allowed to scoot part of the way home by herself. There are two different ways home, she takes the short cut, I go the normal way, we get home seconds apart, so not really a short cut, but she thinks it is. This gives her a bit of independence and shows her I trust her to cross the road(a small cul de sac) by herself.
My dc is the same age as your friends dc. Why would I make my dc who is capable of going out by herself on her scooter stay by me just because your dc can't be trusted to behave/stop in the appropriate places/be cAreful of others?
I walk part of the way home with other parents and we generally let three of the older ones scoot in front but the younger children stay with us. The younger ones just accept they have to stay with us and walk/scoot nicely, their time will come when they are allowed to scoot off, just as your sons time will come to be able to scoot off with the older ones.

And please don't try to tell other parents how to bring up their children, it generally don't go down to well.

rideyourbike · 01/04/2014 21:32

So how do people feel about 5 and 6 year olds riding bikes on the pavement? No one is carrying those around!

drivenfromdistraction · 01/04/2014 21:40

I don't think 5 and 6 year olds should ride bikes on the pavement either actually. (And I have a 4yo and a 6yo). My kids are only allowed to scoot at walking pace (next to me) on the pavement. They are annoyed by it sometimes, but that's tough. They can scoot faster in appropriate places - a pavement isn't.

No need for carrying the scooter - just pootle along at walking pace, that's all.

Original poster

madeitagain · 01/04/2014 21:44

There is no way I would tell other people how to bring up their children Lucylouby. When I said I said something to the other mothers I didn't say I told them how to bring up their children.

OP posts:

rideyourbike · 01/04/2014 22:03

Maybe it depends on where you live. Our pavements are really quiet and all terraced houses, so no driveways. I'm a bit confused as to where kids are meant to ride scooters and bikes. They certainly can't ride on the road yet, we all have our own rules for our children. Funny how people get so uptight about other peoples rules!

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