To wonder what's happening to my friends?

[Tex111]

In the last few years:

One friend has admitted he's an alcoholic and totally cut out the booze. Wonderful news and good for him. Unfortunately at the same time he's discovered religion, started condemning everyone around him and posting scripture on FB. In the past he was fun, hilarious and cheeky. Now he criticises people for swearing.

Another friend used to love his roll-ups and a pint. He's now Buddhist, has completely given up smoking (good) and all alcohol and become very pious and uptight.

Since having children a former fun loving friend has become maniacal about 'screen time' and organic veg boxes. When they visit she tuts at the processed snacks my children sometimes eat (biscuits) and asks if everything is organic (nope).

Countless friends who are training for marathons, triathlons and cutting out gluten/lactose/etc or have suddenly become vegetarian/vegan/macrobiotic/a pain to cook for.

What's happening?? All of these people are in their 40s and these changes seem to go against their personalities. Is it a middle age thing? I'm 43. Has it just not kicked in with me yet? I can understand improving health by stopping smoking, increasing exercise or cutting out alcohol totally (in the case of the alcoholic) but I don't get the judgey, sanctimonious intensity of their attitudes. These were all fun, laid back people. Are they going through a phase and will come out the other side their old, lovely selves or should I be examining my silly, sluttish ways and signing up for a marathon & veg box?

I'm like that. Not out of sanctimonity though.

I took up distance running seriously in my early 30s because i was so fricking miserable that all I wanted was oblivion, but one where i could get up for work the next day. Because there always was bloody work the next day no matter what fricking day of the year it was.

Now I have switched careers and work less, but have become more ascetic because my nervous system, guts and immune system are packing up, so yes, I drink rice milk and eat my 7 a day fruit and veg, my oily fish and lean meat and quinoa and not too many carbs, and no dairy and no alcohol at all. And I feel bloody marvellous compared to how I felt 5 years ago.

That said, these things don't cure depression or the realization you've failed in most of the things you wanted to do with you life, and you're too old to get a new life. That stays with you and gnaws at you on kilometre 25 of your Saturday run... and at 3am when you'd think you'd dine enough running to go to sleep...

I contemplated training for a half marathon last year and got completely into the no drinking, healthy lifestyle at the grand old age of 38. It lasted a fortnight before a mixture of a knee injury and sheer boredom got the better of me
I have meditated for about 10 years though

Middle-age crisis survivors' shopping list

Wine
Bench
Light up Buddha
More wine
Abel and Coke
Another bench (have feeling we are going to run out of space)

I'm in my mid fifties. Concious that I wont be around too much longer. Have taken up smoking again after a ten year break.
Determined to enjoy whatever's left.

'Do a line of Abel and Coke' is possibly the best slogan ever.

Realistically, is some of this linked to seeing your parents suddenly ageing?

I have to say I now work with elderly people in hospitals - the result has been to make me drink much more so that I can forget what I saw during the day [maladaptive]

Kittens, come sit next to me. There's some space on my bench.

Thanks. I'll bring the wine.

I'm having an early one (30's not 40's). Minus the veg but inclusive of the obsessive running/becoming an exercise bore.

I went a bit like that in my very early 30s, so not really a middle-aged thing in my case. We'd just had dd2 and moved to the country, where I was planning to be a SAHM for a while. I went manic over it - organic gardening when I hadn't had the slightest interest in the past. Evangelical over it, sounding off to all who would listen, setting myself up as some kind of expert . Ditto screen time, children's food, going vegetarian, etc. In my case it all came from fear. Sounds weird but I think I reckoned if I didn't go at it all hell for leather, then people would realise that I was only winging it. Perhaps in the 40s it's something similar, except related to age rather than competence?

In my own 40s I've taken up a hobby, but it's a thing I've wanted to do for my whole life, so not out of character. Have also taken up running, which is out of character, but that's because I was getting fat

hanette my BIL is obsessive about yoga and it drives my DSis up the wall and while you're at it

DH cycles to work and knocked booze in the week on the head after an illness last year, he's only in his mid 30s. A whole sub set of our mates are also marathoners, also mainly mid-late 30s. The sponsorship requests are getting ever more tedious... am that it might get worse...!

Yy to all my 37-45 year old friends running. Also, doing mega assault courses - there's one coming up called Mudder I believe. Mudder.

I think they all still like a good drink though. Well, we are in Scotland.

Yama is it this one? Aforementioned marathoners have entered this in packs...

Yes, that's it. Snowball's chance in hell I'd ever fancy that.

I do have to say though I just don't understand people who train for competitions with all this midlife crisis sport stuff. It's sposed to make you feel better, not add to all the other pressures in life. I go running to get away from all the aggressive testosterone-fuelled smelly nutters, not to hang out with lots of them dressed in fluoro lycra.

(Or is it just me with no desire at all to ever be under pressure to perform in something like a race?)

Thanks for this thread made me laugh out loud.

laurie you sound very sensible.

I have least anther years to my 40s when kids be in senior school hoping go out more, drink more as teenagers are stressful and buy a flash car thats my idea of midlife crisis.

I expect they will all resume to normal eventually .

Lifes just too flipping short.

I empathise with freinds running marathon and my cousin lecturing me on healthy eating and the many fb statuses promoting their new healthy life.

I gave up drink, drugs, fags and promiscuity and became a Mormon when I turned 30. I will be 40 this year. I do run but not obsessively or even enough. Wonder what I will do for my mlc ?

Oh my God I know OP!

And whoever said all their male friends cycle and all female friends run! Mine too!

I, however, don't.

And I'm the only one of all my friends without a bad back, knee, shoulder etc etc.

I don't smoke (never have), I drink very very much wine, I walk in a leisurely fashion to the off licence when I can, I am atheist (always have been, always will be), and am approx 5lbs heavier at 47 than I was at 27. Doing alright.

In a way I wish the mid life crisis bug would bite my dh though - still smokes and drinks like a bastard.

I'm only 31 but have already given up alcohol. I just sort of stopped fancying it. I don't mention it to people for the most part though as people think you are a bit weird if you don't drink in your early thirties. I suspect that most people who know me have no idea I haven't drunk more then half a point in the last 2 years.

I also get an organic meat box. But then I have always been a bit middle aged before my time. I hope this doesn't have any bearing on my actual life expectancy

well in the past 2 years a much loved friend was killed in a crash aged 54, another fit fiend dropped dead jogging at 40.

we keep our weight down but aren't obsessive, drink too much probably but never smoked. v stressed. that's life.

hate people who bore with smug boasting about how much they run or don't eat meat or drink. so bloody what!

you are going to die one day and it's a long time in your box.

enjoy life while it's here.

I hope you are all happy. Because of this thread, I have been researching organic meat boxes and dh has been looking for a freezer for our garage to put them in.

Preciousbane

Ouch, close to the bone!

It lasted a fortnight before a mixture of a knee injury and sheer boredom got the better of me

Yes - that was me too! I decided aged 39.11 that I would take up running. Bought some running tights, leapt on the treadmill, and lasted about two weeks before my dodgy right knee gave up the ghost. Ah well, look on the bright side, it's saved me from being a middle-aged cliche!