My friends (let's call them A & B) very kindly offered to throw me a baby shower. I'm expecting my first child in the summer. However, I've always felt (quite strongly) that they're quite grabby events that nobody really enjoys. I just don't like the concept itself. And so I tried, gently, to thank them for the thought, but suggested that we just get together one afternoon for tea or similar with no gifts. A different friend (C) came to lunch on the weekend and told me that friends A and B had told her they'd asked me about it but I wasn't interested and so they were miffed (friend C's words). I found this upsetting because I tried really hard to thank them for the thought and suggest a way to have a shower that I'd like (without feeling like a hypocrite for having a shower when I've always said they're awful ideas). I didn't say a word about my feelings on showers in general. Friend C tried to get a date in the diary for a simple shower at my house and it suddenly occurred to me that it might be an idea to have a mixed baby shower and make it a bit of a party. I have very separate groups of friends and they really don't mix so I'd feel odd lumping all the women together for a shower but for a mixed shower, we could make it a garden party for all of our friends, possibly with a theme. Friend C was clearly unimpressed with the idea but said that it was clear I'd enjoy that more and she'd think of some games. Again, sweet, but honestly, I cringe a bit at the thought.
I am now worried I've been really rude, not least because friend A had a shower. I really did try to thank them, to say how sweet they were, and I just said maybe afternoon tea would be nice because we'd all get together and there would be no pressure to get gifts. But I now feel that they think I've been ungrateful. AIBU not to give in to a shower when I really don't like them but to try to find middle ground? I suspect that I am actually BU - presumably because they were offering to throw the party for me I should have just let them - but I really don't like the idea, however grateful I am to have friends that want to do this. What do you think MN jury?