Sorry of this is long, but wanted to give a fair picture!
Yesterday, DP and I were supposed t take MIL out for lunch for mothers day. We were trying to make it special as I am 30 weeks pregnant and so next mothers day will be for me too, so we worried she would feel a bit left out next year. We got her nice presents and a card, and booked a nice restaurant. DP went to collect her and was getting me on the way back, then all going to the restaurant together.
IN the car, on the way to get me, she asked DP how I was. He said i was really struggling with my SPD as its very painful and I cant walk very far at all anymore. her response was "well everyone gets it"
He tried to explain to her that it wasnt normal aches, its something different. her response was that he "wants to watch it". She then went on to launch into a tirade about me, how I was taking advantage of DP, and how that now I'm pregnant I have him right where I want him. She complained that I make things up and exaggerate them for attention like SPD. she said he was a doormat to put up with it, and complained that he does things like pass me a drink if he is nearer to the side table than i am. She also sad that I will have him doing everything with baby when he is here, and that he is making a rod for his own back, as i will get used to him looking after me. She also complained that at xmas, he did everythign (even though I cooked everything while DP was ut picking her and FIL up!
He told her it wasn't approriate to say things like that on the way to get me, and how could we all go for a nice lunch with him knowing whatshe had said about me. she carried on and on, and then said "I think its best you take me home" which he did.
when he arrived home he obviously had to tell me what had happened.
DP in the youngest of 3 sons. The other 2 sons have cut contact with MIL for 10-15 years now.
The middle sons reason for not speaking to her is that when his wife was pregnant, she told everyone despite them asking her not to tell anyone yet, even telling family members they wanted to tell themselves. She then came to their house 200 miles away the week the baby was due and decided she was staying, despite the fact his wife's mum was staying already! They said she should have called, at which point she went home in a strop and refused to back down. As such she hasn't seen her grandchild, who is now 10. She tells anyone who will listen that it is because her son is in the wrong.
We told her I was pregnant when I was 7 weeks, after she made it VERY clear she already knew (made comments about my "childbearing hips" and even patted my stomach on one occasion). We specifically said that we didn't want anyone else to know, and not to buy anything. She lasted 4 days, before she told her neighbour and took her baby clothes shopping. When DP said he wasn't happy about this, she sulked for 10 weeks and refused to even mention the baby.
Everything then seemed ok for a couple of weeks, then it was xmas. She decided midway through dinner that she wanted to go home and gave no explanation.
After that, we noticed that whenever I spoke she talked over me, and was dismissive of anything I said. Ie, when I said I had spd, she just said how her arthritis is worse, or when i told her about me being told I had a heart murmur, she said everyone has one in pregnancy. When i treied to tell her we bought the pram, she asked if we had it at home and said "well if somehting happens to the baby, on your heads be it". She knows my sister had a stillborth at xmas. This is the 2nd time shes made a similar comment. She also keeps making comments about how much weight ive put on (ive actually lost weight due to HG) and presented me with a low fat cookbook.
Then a few weeks ago, she asked DP to fix somehting on her emails, and her last email was open. Which said how she had mixed feelings about the baby, as she thinks Im not right for DP, and she doesnt now how to say it but it ignoring it s she can be a hands on granny. We pretended we hadnt seen it and have never mentioned it.
After the latest events Ive run out of patience with her, and really cant be bothered with her behaviour. WIBU to say DP has to visit without me in future?
I dont see how I can sit and make small talk knowing what she has said, and she will never apologise.