to be annoyed with this letter from conservative counsillor?

[Stropzilla]

Apologies for typos, on my phone. Had a hand delivered letter today from our local mp. Addressed to mr & mrs husbands initials and surname. Inside 2 letters, one for him the other correctly addressed to me. Would it have been so hard to not assume I want to be addressed by my husbands name? Or mr husband name and Mrs my name? The letter asked me for my opinions and wanted me to send the survey back. Not likely since it has my full name and address stamped on the front!

AIbu or just being touchy today? I'm asking before I send the survey back unfilled with a note explaining why...

It's unreasonable to confuse a councillor with an MP in my opinion. Where we used to live our MP was a Miss, because she wasn't married. How shocking was that then? Where we live now our MP is a Mr because he's a bloke - that's a bit shocking too. I happen to be a Mrs because I'm married to DH. I like being married to him and I am very proud to have his name. Mr and Mrs his Initial is the correct form of address - you might not like it, but it isn't wrong. I do like it because it happens to be correct.

[yawn] emoticon.

Can we have a feature that flags up "this has been done 20 times in the last twelve months - or in this case probably 50" when posts are posted please MNet?

Booooorrrrring! This ones been done to death. Can we just leave it now??

Unfortunately we can't just leave it, as it keeps happening to people.

When I got married I changed my surname to match my husband's surname.
I kept my first name.

I now have MY first name and MY surname and would appreciate be addressed as such.

YANBU. I hate this. Traditional or not, it's bloody offensive!

They know who you voted for last time anyway, if they want to know that badly. There is an individual number on each ballot paper, and when they give you the paper at the polling station, they write that number down, next to your name/number in the electoral roll printout list they have in front of them.
All any candidate/party has to do is correlate the numbers and they know exactly what everyone voted.
That's why the numbers are there isn't it? so they know who votes, and who for?
(Disclaimer - I might be utterly wrong, but one of our local parties always puts several large men outside the polling station and they ask for our voting card numbers as we go in. The one time I said "no" they said "Oh well we'll be knocking on your door later then", so presumably they do check on who votes etc...)

The thing is it might be offensive to you but it's really not offensive to many, many people. They don't read anything into it, they don't believe anyone is suggesting they're a chattel, it's really no big deal to (I believe) most people.

The discussion has been had umpteen times before and nothing new is ever said on the subject.

PomBear in theory they cannot find out who voted for which party. The party members aren't allowed to see the actual voting papers after the act; the procedure is that the completed valid papers are placed in the relevant piles according to what the vote on them states then the papers are counted.

I've not had the number on the voting paper taken down before, only the number on my polling card?

If you are so incensed by this convention, why did you change your surname when you got married? Surely it is just another convention from a time when women were appendages to men? If you find it so offensive, why didn't you keep your maiden name? I don't get the problem otherwise. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Can't have it both ways.

The parties do not know who voted for who. Your vote can be traced by the number - but this would only be done if there was an accusation of electoral fraud, or something.

The tellers at the front ask for your number because they have a list of their own members, but they don't know who anyone is voting for unless that information is offered. You can also refuse to give your number to the teller.

They do this as they will have a list of members of their party in the area, and they can then check if anyone hasn't voted and try to rally them. But they may remind anyone, in the hopes of getting a last minute vote.

Sorry by number I meant poll card number - not the number on your vote which is private information.

Your polling card identifies you to the officials inside the polling station - it is not essential - you can vote without it; I have - all you have to do is give your name and address. It provides you with information about the date and where to vote and is entirely apolitical. Nowadays without it you might have to produce photo id I image otherwise you could be anyone.

The people outside who ask for your card are "tellers" an whether you give it to them is optional. They represent all the parties. They are there because they are members of the party faithful who will have been canvassing in the weeks before the election. Canvass cards are taken from the electoral register and marked by name, road and house number. People are canvassed to determine their support. If you promise to vote Labour, for example, a note will be made of this on the canvass card (the information is kept by your local party). You therefore become a known supporter.

The tellers are collecting information in relation to their know supporters. The cards or lists (all the reps outside share the info) are taken back to the action room for your ward. They are compared to a list which notes all that parties supporters. If it is noted that a known supporter has voted then manpower will not be used during the day to deliver further leaflets to you or to knock on your door to encourage you to vote.

That's why I always vote early and always make the info available. It means my party can use it's manpower knocking up those who haven't voted and knows not to waste time on me

At every election the parties canvass and keep records so that on polling day they have an idea of who their supporters are: who supports other parties (party workers don't waste time on the doorstep talking to known supporters of other parties), and the "don't knows". They will keep revisiting the don't knows and the unknowns during the campaign to try to convert them.

The tiny number on the polling slip is different from that on your polling card. Once the votes are counted there is no exercise to match the number on the slip with the number on the list. It could be done but I can't think of any time in UK history when it has. It is to make sure that no fraud takes place and protects democracy and freedom rather than harms it in any way.

When the man said he'd knock on your door - all he meant was that you might be knocked up to go out an vote all day - waste of your time and of his.

Missymarmite, the complaints are from women who have kept their own surnames when they married. What did you think we were talking about.

Windymill, you're right of course... I kept my surname for fear that anybody might realise I'm married to my husband (imagine the shame!) But that's not really the issue in this thread. Whether you keep the same name all your life or not, whatever name you choose to be known by, anybody is going to prefer to be addressed by that name than something made up by a random stranger according to what they think you ought to be called. No? For instance, I might think you look like a Mary, and if that was your name, you probably wouldn't be offended if I called you that. But if all the evidence I had (like the electoral roll) said your name was Jan, then I would be a complete dick if I kept calling you Mary just because I thought it suited you better.

My rule of thumb: using made-up names is offensive to some; using people's actual names is universally inoffensive.

I don't understand what you are saying BrownSauce. Sorry.

I thought the problem was being called George or John, when one's name is Mary or Joan.

But that isn't the case. John Smith, Jane Smith, Mr and Mrs John Smith. Nobody would call the wife John, they would call her Jane. A toast master would announce Mr and Mrs John Smith, Mr Fred Jones and Miss Mary Wilson or Mr Fred Jones and Mrs Elizabeth Brown if a couple are not married and the lady is divorced. Likewise if my DH gets a gong one day we will be Sir Near's DH and Lady Windymill. I cannot ever be. Lady Near Windymill for the simple fact that my father wasn't an earl. Oddly in those circumstances we would still be Mr Near's DH and Lady Windymill although we would be called near's DH and Lady Near face to face.

I just don't know why people get so wound up about it. I used to be Miss Near Another name; I got married and became Mrs near's DH Windymill, if I was Mrs Near Windymill I'd be divorced. Simples - everyone knows where they are. At work I'm just Near Windymill and add a few letters - would never be pompous enough to bother with a title at work, except my job title and I rarely use that.