to think that selfishness is a bad argument to use about people wanting babies?

[ShadowFall]

Watching TV earlier today.

They were discussing a newspaper article about women over 50 having children, and read out a few comments sent in by viewers.

One viewer had said that women over a certain age were selfish to have babies.

I think that this is a very poor argument to use when discussing the rights and wrongs of someone having a baby under less than ideal circumstances.

If someone chooses to get pregnant, regardless of how ideal their circumstances, then they're presumably doing so because they themselves want a baby. Not because they think that society will benefit from the birth of their baby. So surely someone choosing to concieve a baby is always doing so for selfish reasons?

AIBU?

I also think it is always worth reminding people that untold numbers of women and girls have little or no control over their reproductive options. It is an important issue and always worth a thought.

I'm talking about people who deliberately ttc here.

Not women who find themselves with an unplanned and / or unwanted pregnancy.

The thing is.

Women are "selfish" if they choose to have a child. You don't NEED a child, so it's a selfish decision.

Women are "selfish" if they choose to have too many children. There are too many people in the world you see.

Women are "selfish" if they choose not to have children. You just care about yourself, not the next generation, not your parents (who might want grandchildren, etc.

Women are "selfish" if they have one child, because the child doesn't have any siblings, and has to live up to their parents' dream because they are the only one.

Selfish if you have kids too late. You're old and can't keep up with them. Selfish to have them too young. You just want to sponge and stay on the dole and never work. Selfish to stay at home, and live off someone else. Selfish to go to work and put your career before your children. (Even more selfish to choose not to have children at all of course). Selfish to put too much effort into helping your children achieve (you're pushing them too hard). Selfish if you don't put enough effort in. Selfish if you impose any kind of morals or ideals on them like a religious or ethical way of living. Selfish if you have tests in pregnancy to indicate chance of abnormalities. Selfish if you don't bother.

Basically, women are just considered selfish for ever having an opinion, for daring to control their own reproduction, for anything, and it's a load of shit. Maybe can we stop berating people for just making a choice with their life? Nobody ever tells men they are being selfish for doing a perfectly normal thing, only if they ARE being selfish.

Actually I think "selfish" figures quite heavily into this equation. You can't compare normal imperfections viz childbearing (our house is too small, the school catchment is not great) to something like having a baby at an inherently problematic age (I'm not sure that 50 qualifies as "inherently problematic", but it's pretty close).

Woman over 50 could be considered to be more selfish, though.
They're putting their own desires above the needs of the child. What young teen needs a pensioner for a mum?

Although I would presume the teen would rather be in existence with an older mum then to never have been born.

Although I would presume the teen would rather be in existence with an older mum then to never have been born.

And, everyone should have as many babies as they can because they'll be happy to have been born.

Every person who decides to become a Parent does so for their own "selfish" reasons,be it the young teenager,the early 30's "yummy mummy",the mid 20's graduate,the woman in a violent relationship,the single woman.the "perfect" happily married couple,the same sex couple,people with disabilities, the older woman,people who choose to adopt etc etc ...........

I've get to meet anybody who had a child solely because he/she might find a cure for cancer or create world peace.

Personally I Can't see why age makes anybody any more or less selfish than the person sat next to them in the antenatal clinic.