To be ashamed of my family's eating habits and to ask for help in how I can learn to cook

[MrsSeanBean1]

I am married with a 2 year old DD and a 4 week old DS. I have always hated cooking and been absolutely hopeless at it. Ever since I left home in my mid 20s I have lived on ready meals and eating out (I am now 37). Now that I have finished my family I really want us all to get fit and healthy, particularly as I am suffering from health anxiety due to many of my family members being diagnosed with cancer over the last few years.

Both my husband and I are overweight, I am actually very obese. When I had my much longed for DD I vowed that she would never suffer with weight problems like I have all of my life (I was always rewarded with food and now have a very unhealthy relationship with it). I have done my very best to stick to that and my DD eats very healthily. She loves fruit and veg, and I cook her a very basic organic meal every evening. Usually this is pasta, veg and a cheese sauce or potatoes, veg and meat. These meals are very plain and boring (no salt, seasoning etc.) so my husband and I don't fancy it. This means that we end up with a quick ready meal after my DD has gone to bed. I can see how ridiculous this is as I am 'cooking' for my daughter so could easily cook for everyone.

I never learnt to cook at school. I went to a very academic girls grammar school who did their best to keep girls out of the kitchen so home economics lessons were very few and far between. I would love to learn now and have looked into cooking courses at local colleges but cannot find anything suitable. Most basic cooking courses are aimed at people with special needs or are more specialised. I just want one to teach me everyday healthy family recipes.

I have enrolled on my local Why Weight? programme for new mums to lose weight and have been trying to draw up a weekly menu as a starting point. However, I am finding it so hard. At the moment, over 7 days of evening meals, I have 1 red meat dish, 2 chicken dishes, 1 salmon dish, 1 white fish dish and 2 vegetarian dishes. I think this would be balanced but I really have no idea. I now need to find a recipe for each day and learn to cook it! I really don't know where to start.

I have also looked online for any online cooking courses but can't find any. They all seem too complicated. The only time I've ever cooked successfully is when I followed Gordon Ramsey's Cook Along Live. I found that really good.

Can anyone suggest a way forward for me or am I beyond help?

Sounds like you're already on your way, OP.

Read about food, think about it, don't feel guilty or worried.

Food is good for you, it's not the enemy.
I love food, big time, but I mean ALL food. I'm quite happy to eat a handful of sugar snap peas as a quick snack, or rye crackers with blue cheese. It's the junk/ready-made stuff that's making you overweight.

I'm 42 and a size eight still. Not a huge carb fan...never have been.

Read about paleo diets.

Just let yourself learn about food and re-educate your palate.

OP, sounds like you are making fairly healthy meals for your DD - but why are you making them so bland you don't like them as well? Is it that you don't know how to use seasonings, or that you believe children need bland food?

Your DD should be getting exposed to as many different flavours and types of food as you can get your hands on. Which will also be nice for you and OH to eat.

Delia does a great range of basic cookbooks that build up from literally justhow to boil and egg. Get to the library, get a bunch of books, and off you go. Have fun with it.

There was a thread on here a week or so ago about quick, easy meals. Loads of simple recipes were posted up...I will have a look and try to post the link.

I second Jamie Oliver, it is really easy to cook from his recipes.

I love his simple pasta recipes, Jools favourite stew, his moroccan fish recipe with tangy orange couscous - I sometimes substitute the fish with chicken, (but it needs to cook a bit longer then). His chicken korma is also delicious, and the recipes are suitable for the entire family to enjoy.

I dont always cook from scratch, but manage to put healthy meals on the table 6 out of 7 days of the week! It means the odd pizza with garlic bread, does not matter so much!

Sometimes I just ovenbake Chipolattas, boil some rice and steam veg in the steamer above the pot of rice, to make it easy. Or do the same witch breaded chicken breasts (or fresh chicken breast covered in olive oil, and herbs - Herbs de Provence, or Italian Seasoning, ready blended are really good options to make it quick and easy, yet tasty).

And if you are trying to lose weight, yet dont feel full from eating just one chicken breast, or one piece of fish, it is always good to bulk up with veg and salad on the side.

What's your favourite ready meal? Tell me what it is and I will tell you an easy way to cook it?

As a mother the book I have used most is this one:

www.amazon.co.uk/Feeding-Kids-Netmums-Cookery-Book/dp/0755316053

Their roast vegetable sauce being used in lasagne and a pizza base. There are lots of hints how to adapt recipes to make them slightly different for next time. There are no fancy ingredients or things I wouldn't normally have in or could get easily. It gives nutrimental info and additional info about common foods rice, pasta ways to thicken source and stews.

I have lots of cooking books - but its the most used and the cakes and puddings at the back do try to be healthier versions.

That and the internet you should be fine.

Delia Smith has some online tutorials?
www.deliaonline.com

You sound like you are already doing really well, MrsSean....but I'm another person voting for Delia. I have her Cookery Course book from the 1970s, and although the recipies are a lot blander than modern ones, they all work really well and she explains every step.

Her TV show from a few years back was great too.

Another voting for Delia, I learnt to cook from her complete cookery collection. The book is now totally battered and should probably be replaced. It covers everything from boiling eggs, roasts to all the classic dishes and family friendly fare. I've never had anything go wrong and she explains what to do well. It's a book I will always keep on hand.

slimming world website has loads of good recipes if you are trying to lose weight. I cook lots of them for the family and have lost almost 2 stone so far. lots of curries, chilli, veg stuff.

Just went to the library and picked up Jamie's ministry of food - I'm impressed, even though I've been cooking for years...this is like the cookery course I never had. And it's food I want to eat. I think I'll be buying a copy.

I think you should be kinder to yourself. Cooking isn't hard really and you will be fine.

What you might like is some nice ideas, and some tips on planning a week's menus around a weekly shop so it doesn't become a huge effort deciding what to do every night. There are tons of them online. YOu could try Good Housekeeping, or any of the supermarkets have them, or the NHS. Just google "weekly meal planner". Buy the list, cook the meals- it will stop you from ducking out midweek as it's too much stress; it will also make you adopt standard portion sizes.

Don't expect it to taste like ready meals, though. You will have a specific challenge that may make you feel as if your cooking isn't any good- you are used to too much salt in your food. And sugar too. You don't taste it any more, but it's there. So anything you cook yourself will taste weird and wrong to start with. Ignore that. Eat it anyway and within two weeks it will taste normal again.

Sit down and list out the meals you like as a starting point and then work out which you can already cook and which you need to find recipies for.

I have a huge recipie book collection, but I have (and use) the Hairy Bikers books a lot (the Just like Mum... ones and their new Asian book are great). Bookpeople often have them cheap if you want to buy them.

Two magazines I like are goodtoknow (from BBC Good Food) and Easy Cook - both have lots of good ideas and easy to follow recipies. I would say the slant is more good everyday food rather than special occasion/dinner party type food, which some of the other magazines can tend to be.

BBC Good Food has a good website with thousands of recipies.

YY to not having to cook bland food for your DC. My toddler loves spicy food and lots of different flavours to try. He was BLW and has always eaten the same food as us.

Don't expect everything to change overnight so be kind to yourself. There are going to be nights when you don't want to cook, so work out a list of simple meals (eg things on toast, jacket pots with cheese/beans and salad).

If you enjoyed cook along with Gordon Ramsay, maybe try to cook along with one of Jamie's 15 or 30 minute meals? It really is step by step stuff.

Its great that you've made this decision to change your lives. I agree you should find a website or cookbook you like and go from there. Quick easy and reasonably healthy ideas for evening meals that i use a lot are Pasta bolognaise, chilli and rice, omlette jacket spud and beans, sausages and mashed potatos veg, pork chop veg spuds, chicken breaat wrapped in bacon cooked in the oven,shepherds pie, salmon with roasted veg and cous cous.

We eat a lot of meat/fish veg and spuds. Its quick easy and healthy.

I like the website allrecipe.Co.UK as you can choose easy, medium or hard recipes or the amount of time you have to cook
I was a crap cook when my dc were young.
I feel guilty now because I'm so much better,they are adults but I try to teach them the basics which my dm or my all girls school never taught me.
Don't be put off op, you can do it

If you don't already have one, I recommend buying a slow cooker (crock pot) because they are perfect for cooking easy "throw all the ingredients in" dishes that anyone can master. There are loads of good, simple slow cooker recipe books out there too.

Wow!! Thanks everyone! I am overwhelmed by your support and all of your ideas. I have just purchased lots of 2nd hand cookbooks on Amazon - lots of the Jamie ones, including ministry of food, some slimming world ones etc. I have also hunted out my slow cooker.

We had a takeaway tonight and I really didn't enjoy it - I felt very guilty and now feel inspired to give home cooking a real go. I have a few ready meals in the fridge to use up over the next few days so I am going to use that time to find a couple of simple recipes to have a go at towards the end of the week. I will then have a go at meal planning for the whole week next week.

I have looked into local colleges but none of them seem to do a basic cooking course. I have found a course (a BTEC I think) that Jamie has had a hand in producing (called Home Cooking Skills) but no college around here seems to do it. I am near Telford, Shropshire if anyone knows anywhere that does anything suitable. I have also contacted my local SureStart but they only do a Cooking with Under 5's course. I have put my name down for this as my daughter would enjoy it but it is more for toddlers (e.g. making a fruit salad etc.).

Someone asked for our favourite ready meals so they could recommend some home cooked versions. We like chicken korma, peanut chicken, veggie lasagne.

I will keep you updated on how I get on. I am currently up all night with a very refluxy baby (DH and I sleep in shifts as baby has to sleep in bouncy chair as he can't lie flat, I get the midnight to 5.30am shift) so I am going to try and do a bit of cooking prep when I am up in the night ready for the next day. I'm sure if I can get organised I will find it easier. If I can do this with a newborn baby and helping to care for my seriously ill grandparents I can carry on doing it when life gets easier.

Thanks again everyone, so so grateful!!!

I think you just need to gain some confidence and use more herbs and spices! I think you are doing brilliantly with 2 little dc's!
I'm so glad you have signed up to the sure start courses too.

One tip I have found useful is to fill a salt/pepper grinder with a mix of peppercorns, rock salt, garlic flakes and mustard seeds. You can either put it into dishes when you cook, or use as a condiment on the table!
My DD (23) and her friends think it adds a bit of magic to their food!

Good luck, you are on the brink of really enjoying food!

Hi OP - sounds as though you have already taken lots of positive steps so don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself time. You are working to overturn the habits of a lifetime so don't expect everything to happen overnight.

I would echo the recommendations of Delia's Complete Cookery Course. I've had a copy for over 20 years and it is invaluable. She isn't patronising but provides loads of useful information and nothing is left to chance. If you follow her recipes you will have success. She also updates the book periodically to reflect new ingredients and up to date nutritional information.

Jamie also has lots of easy, tasty recipes.

With the ready meals - you could try buying some of the healthier ones to help with the transition and are you and your DH each eating meals meant for two people? For example, some ready meals show the nutrition content for 1/2 pack which indicates they are meant to feed two people.

Good food doesn't have to be complicated or time consuming to prepare. Good luck!

Hi MrsSeanBean - we'd really like to send you our new Mumsnet recipe book - Top Bananas, the best family recipes ever - due out shortly. It's compiled from Mumsnetters' tried and tested recipes and it's really ace - full of really easy, quick, and delicious home-cooked recipes for all the family - plus some ideas of ones the kids (even toddlers if you can face it!) can make with you.

If you send us your mailing address - [email protected] - we'll pop a copy in the post as soon as we get some from the publishers.

And the very best of luck.

Veggie lasagne is very easy. You need to make a ratatouille which can be the base for many veggie meals. Get a courgette, Auvergne, peppers, mushrooms, onions. Chop up your onions and fry them up in a pan. Get a tube of garlic paste and put two squirts in.
Put all your veg in and fry it up with olive oil. Then put a jar of passata in, black peppa and herbs! Simmer for about 45 mins.

The lasagne: cheat and get cheese sauce from chiller cabinet. Put a layer if ratatouille, lasgne sheet (no need to cook first) and then a layer of cheese sauce. Keep doing it in that order and then grated cheese. Slap in the oven for 30mins at 180.

Definitely get a copy of Jamie's Ministry of Food - it is absolutely the best cookbook if you're learning to cook. Honestly, you could feed your family very well just using recipes from that book and serving them up with some veggies.

The key to cooking if you are a reluctant cook (as I am!) is to choose recipes which are both easy, quick and use few ingredients (most of the recipes in that book fall into that category). If you can afford to, also take as many short cuts as you can - eg. buy pre-chopped frozen onions, ready chopped carrot batons. Even though that's more expensive than buying veggies whole, it is still cheaper than buying ready meals! Good luck! Also, check out the Recipe Rifle blog. It's funny and she taught herself to cook from scratch I think and tries out various recipes.

I can also recommend cooking in bulk and using your freezer. Not suitable for all recipes, but great for things like Bolognese sauce, chili con carne, tomato based curries, shepards pie... I like to get dinner for today and tomorrow from the above, and freeze enough for two days. Then just take out if freezer the night before and microwave to heat up. Very convenient.

BTW, if you like Thai food, there are some very simple recipes with Thai curry paste and coconut milk as base. Really quick and easy. We love Thai spicy prawn and noodle soup, ready in less than 10 mins! Fish curry very healthy and quick and easy to do so also.

Another tip is to google easy recipe for food you like to eat, e.g. Easy chicken korma recipe. And choose the one that looks easiest.

I didn't learn to cook in school either. I use a recipe for most things and am not a natural cook. But cooking from scratch is so much healthier.