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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My marriage is over??

18 replies

floatinginthesea · 30/03/2014 19:21

We are having difficult times. Both on anti-depressants and having counselling. So I know loads is going on but surely if you love someone the following doesn't happen. Mothers's day. We have a 7 year old. For the second year running he tells me it's nothing to do with him. He feels no need to pay regard to my mothering skills on a special day (and no he doesn't do it anyway). We visit his folks for Sunday dinner. We do this every week. His mum is near the end from cancer. We are all very close. Despite this, and that my mum died from cancer 5 years ago he refused to put my name on his mums card as it was nothing to do with me. There is loads of other crap going on eg he won't sleep with me and couldn't face spending valentines day with me. I don't hate him but I think for my sanity and for my daughters I have to face up to reality and stop acting like a doormat cos he is "confused" about what he wants.

OP posts:

riskit4abiskit · 30/03/2014 19:31

Oh that sounds very hurtful. I think you're right too, you'd be better off without him.sounds like he is setting a poor example for your ds.

could you fake normality for a while if his mum is near the end and if you are close? (Sorry if this is an inappropriate thing to suggest, I wasn't sure). Sorry you lost your mum and that you are going through it all again.

Pumpkinpositive · 30/03/2014 19:38

How long has it been like this? You say you're both on anti depressants. Do you think its possible his behaviour is somehow linked to his mother's impending demise (not that this excuses it)?

Original poster

floatinginthesea · 30/03/2014 19:44

I have bent over backwards to accommodate his behaviour because of the depression and his mum. I am trying to be very honest with myself now as this kind of behaviour has been escalating for a long time now. Thank you for replying. It's very hard to know what to do. I feel very lonely but also trapped by circumstance.

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/03/2014 19:49

"he is "confused" about what he wants."
Sorry, but that, with the rest of it, sounds to me as if he is stringing you along. Nasty. Genuine confusion, surely, would mean being nice to you in case he decides he wants to continue in the marriage? So sorry .

Original poster

floatinginthesea · 30/03/2014 19:54

I think you are right. He seems to be acting horribly often to drive me away - or force me to take the decision.

OP posts:

thebody · 30/03/2014 19:57

oh dear op he doesn't sound nice or supportive or even very kind.

not putting your name on a card! why? you and your dd deserve better.

CoffeeTea103 · 30/03/2014 19:59

Oh dear, this is so horrible. You deserve so much more than this. A good man does not treat his partner like this, and a healthy relationship does not sound anything like this. You need to make plans about ending this.

Fairenuff · 30/03/2014 20:00

Yes, the marriage is over. Why don't you formalise it and separate?

Punkatheart · 30/03/2014 20:02

I am nodding my head at all of this, my love. My partner did all the same things and no, it's not a decent way to treat you.

It sounds as if he has already begun the script. Look after yourself, get some advice and make sure you have friends to help and support.

It will be OK. Keep talking here - it will help to get it out in the open.

minibmw2010 · 30/03/2014 20:02

You might not hate him but it sounds a bit like he hates you. Your clearly better than this, you deserve more. Get him out or yourself and your 7 year old out.

LineRunner · 30/03/2014 20:04

Your life sounds like slow torture. I would think it best to take yourself and your child out of this environment, or ask him to leave even if for a trial separation. I would also think that you need separate counselling, if you are not already.

Squeegle · 30/03/2014 20:07

He sounds very cruel and lacking in empathy. I am not sure his mother being so ill is any excuse. I don't see why you can't start thinking and planning your escape, even if you can't orchestrate it straight away. Good luck.

Mrswellyboot · 30/03/2014 20:09

It's very cruel, and a bit sly.

To went out with a head fucker for too long and at least you are now seeing what's going on

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 30/03/2014 20:33

Get good legal advise, and take things at a pace that's suits you. Doesn't sound like your H is the type to take action? Take care of yourself, this sounds very horrible situation.

zeezeek · 30/03/2014 20:38

I think that you already know it is over and he is being very petty about things that don't really take an awful lot of effort. Is part of the reason why you are both depressed because you both know it's the end?

ICanSeeTheSun · 30/03/2014 20:39

If counselling and medication isn't working, then I would say this relationship has run it course.

Would a trail separation work.

wowfudge · 30/03/2014 20:43

Poor you OP - you have my sympathy and here, have some . You deserve better. Be brave and do what you have to for you and your children.

MrsAmaretto · 30/03/2014 21:49

I'm sorry, I think you are right.

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