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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

7 year old son of broken marriage

42 replies

nanna2006 · 29/03/2014 09:05

My daughter is devastated that her 7 year old son came out of school yesterday with a Mother's Day card for her and his father's wife. His father left my daughter when Max was 15 months old after 11 year relationship and 3 years married - for the woman he has now married. My daughter was heartbroken and the affair and break up was like a train crash. She's recovered and moved on and has always maintained a relationship for the sake of Max but this has hurt her deeply. How would you deal with this as her son was mortified and very angry that his mum was so upset and told her to get over it!!

OP posts:

givemeaclue · 29/03/2014 10:16

Can she why she was upset but she shouldn't have shown that to her son. He sounds rude.

Preciousbane · 29/03/2014 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rookiemater · 29/03/2014 10:20

If the DS has been brought up in an environment where the DM ( based on this exchange only) has not saw fit to hide her emotions to the degree suitable for a young boy, then it's hardly surprising that he is expressing his.

Yes not nice to be told to get over it by a 7 year old boy, but maybe she should heed the meaning if not the words. I would imagine he was hurt and disappointed that, having gone to an effort to make cards, rather than being praised for that, he was basically told off for not being able to negotiate the adult minefield of blended relationships. Sorry but my full sympathy is with him, he isn't a mini-adult, your DD is the adult and she needs to start behaving like one.

HarderThanYouThink · 29/03/2014 10:21

Unfortunately there's nothing your daughter can do apart from just accept that this is how things are going to be, her son must have felt very awkward which isn't nice. I know its easier said that done but she needs to just grit her teeth and get on with it

Comeatmefam · 29/03/2014 10:27

Exactly rookie.

How depressing that all some posters have taken away from the OP is that a confused and upset 7 year old has been 'rude' or disrespectful.

Really empathic and generous spirited .

NinjaLeprechaun · 29/03/2014 10:36

I read 'get over it' as meaning 'get over' the fact that he'd made the step-mother a card. If a 7 year old is that aware of why his parents split, and the role the step-mother played, then something was wrong with the picture well before now.

As for the rest: As somebody who had to deal for years for the consequences of abuse towards my daughter by her now former step-mother, I suggest that in this instance the mum put her personal feelings aside and be very, very grateful that her son gets along with his step-mother.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight · 29/03/2014 10:43

I love Gordy and Maid's replies

Op this is entirely goady. Tut fucking tut.
Also welcome to mn. Take it post is copied and pasted from another forum where you didn't get the replies you hoped for either.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/03/2014 11:17

Bloody hell a 7 year old telling you to get over it, how nice and compassionate.I think he should have been raised with more respect to his elders.

Good grief - this is a 7 year old child we're talking about. Maybe this is what he's heard at home/maybe not. Either way, cannot believe some people are taking this as the most important bit of the OP. Poor little thing

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/03/2014 11:25

I think the important thing is that this shows that he cares about his SM and that she is kind to him when he visits.

Can your daughter see that as something to be relieved about?

OwlCapone · 29/03/2014 11:44

Ummm kids say 'get over it' in the same way we might have said 'forget about it' or 'stop talking about' ie it's modern parlance!

Not in this house, not to adults and not at age 7.

How depressing that all some posters have taken away from the OP is that a confused and upset 7 year old has been 'rude' or disrespectful.

He doesn't sound confused and upset to me. He was angry, according to the "grandmother" and rude. Anything else is invented, given that the OP hasn't come back at all to elaborate or offer further comment.

Really empathic and generous spirited

Are we only allowed to agree wholeheartedly with the opinion of the OP now then? Are we not allowed to comment on other information?

OwlCapone · 29/03/2014 11:44

Anyway, there is clearly more, or indeed less, to this than it seems.

AnnieOats · 29/03/2014 11:50

I can see why the OP's daughter was upset about this but she really needs to not show it in front of her son. I know it's hard as I'm sure every mother wants to feel special on Mother's day but I'm assuming as he wanted to make a card for his Stepmother then, unless he's done it under duress, he must have a good bond with her.

I think as parents there are times when you need to just put your feelings to one side and do the best for your child. It is hard but as another poster said try and take comfort from the fact that she seems kind to him if he wants to make her a card.

antimatter · 29/03/2014 11:54

why is she devastated? that her son has good relationship with his step mother?

maybe because : "her son was mortified and very angry that his mum was so upset and told her to get over it!!"

IMHO - this doesn't make sense at all

Rebecca2014 · 29/03/2014 12:01

I think it is normal to get a bit upset to know your own child has made a mother day card for someone else, even more so if it was for the woman who broke up your family in the first place.

I would hope I raise my daughter to be more sensitive to other people feelings, if she could see how upset I was and cruelly said "Get over it." I would not be happy at all and wonder what I did to raise a child so uncaring to her own mother feelings.

thebody · 29/03/2014 12:11

none of my kids would have told me to 'get over it' at 7. what a strange response.

I work in a first school and gave never heard a child say that phrase especially up an upset adult.

very strange indeed.

if it's correct he needs his dm and dgm to get together with his df and dsm and instill some discipline and respect into him before he becomes a very obnoxious nasty teenager

gordyslovesheep · 29/03/2014 13:03

I must be alone in thinking it's possibly a very normal reaction from a child torn between an over dramatic mother who bitches constantly about the ex and his new wife and a step family who probably treat him well and who he likes - but feels he can't talk about

I don't teach my children to 'respect' adults at all times regardless - she was behaving unreasonably - she does need to get over it - I'm with him!

rookiemater · 29/03/2014 13:05

Ok for those focusing on the DS's behaviour lets try to imagine the conversation:

DS "Mummy, mummy - we were making Mother's Day cards. I made you one and I made x one" skips along merrily pleased with his cards

OPs DD "Oh"

DS "Mummy why do you sound cross/angry/sad?"

OPs DD " I can't believe you made x one. She's not your Mum, I am , she's the reason your father and I divorced." Starts sobbing....

Personally I actually think saying that she needs to get over it is a healthy response to what effectively is emotional blackmail. Yes she is upset, she is entitled to be upset, she should not be sharing this with her son who is also entitled to be upset that his card making is not appreciated and to demonstrate this as he is a child not an adult.

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