Would this be really rude?

[ballinacup]

Let me start by saying, I am willing to be told IABU. I think it is unreasonable, DH does not.

DH had a large Lego collection as a child, so large in fact, that it was contained in several big suitcases, along with various mint condition Playmobil from the 80s. DSIL has a DS 6 and a DD 2.9. We have a DS 2.3 and another DS on the way.

When DS was a newborn, DMIL gave all of DH's Lego and Playmobil to DNephew when she and DFIL had a rummage in their loft. DH says he is going to get it back from DNephew and Dniece in a couple of years for our DSs.

I'm uncomfortable with this. Whilst I know it was DH's toy collection, PIL paid for it and DNephew and DNiece are obviously their GCs too. Should DH just accept it has a new home?

Well it depends on whether the lego is still being used in a couple of years time. If it is then no, you can't ask for it back, however, if they are done with the lego phase then yes ask.

Also, did she give it to them or lend it to them? That's the key I think.

My brother had quite a lot of lego as a child (not quite that much admittedly). It is still at my parents' house in their loft and I don't expect them to give it to me for my DD (2) as I still think that it is my DBs to have for any future children he and DSIL may have. If we did have it here, I would expect to give it back when they needed it.

If the collection is so massive, couldn't they simply share?

YANBU in the slightest.

In fact I think MIL was out of order to give the collection away to your kids' cousins after a loft rummage. That was not her place to do that. The collection belongs to your DH (note present tense). I am assuming she didn't run it by your DH first before giving it to them?

Which brings me onto the next point: whether the lego was a loan or a gift by MIL to her other grandkids is immaterial here. It simply wasn't hers to give without permission.

This could lead to lots of awkwardness in the getting back process.

Why did your DH leave his toys at his mother's house, in the first place?

Does he think he has some sort of entitlement to her space, or had he simply forgotten the stuff existed?

I think your DH should get the lego back. It is his after all. Though many people won't see this. But I agree that if the collection is huge could it not be shared out.

I think it's a bit unreasonable. If it was that important to be able to pass on his lego to his children, he should have kept the lego in his own home. Is it getting it back really worth risking falling out with family?

Yanbu
But please post again just after you've trodden on a piece so I know im not alone in thinking its evil

When DS was a newborn, DMIL gave all of DH's Lego and Playmobil to DNephew

So the in laws already knew that DH had his own son when they gave away his Lego collection?

I haven't got beyond wondering why on earth anyone would do that

I agree that it wasn't MIL's to give away / loan / whatever without consulting your DH first. I do wonder though, why this is coming up now, and why it wasn't addressed at the time when it was given away?

My Sis gave me use of her sons' vast Brio train collection, but it was on the strict understanding that it was a loan, because her boys would most likely want to hand them down to their own children in time. I think that is entirely reasonable.

Has your DH discussed this with his sister or his parents?

Can't they just share ?
Half each ?

I think your in-laws should not have given away the collection without asking your DH first. That said, if he is not fussed and is ok with his sister having the collection, then I don't think you need to interfere. In my view, it's not something worth fighting about.

I agree it isn't worth fighting about, and I wouldn't want that to happen.

For those that asked, DH doesn't feel an entitlement to his parents space, they have stuff of SIL's as well, only on MN is it weird to leave childhood toys at parents homes!

I don't keep anything of mine at my Mum's house.

My sisters on the other hand use her house as free storage. Her whole top floor has been rendered useless because of their stuff, including a seven foot high polystyrene 'S' .

My Mum still wouldn't give their stuff away though.

I think your in laws should not have got rid of it without asking DH. BUT I think that to take a toy away from a child seems churlish and unreasonable.

I think I would perhaps say 'If you're ever getting rid of it, we'd really like it - but completely understand if you want to keep it!' And leave it at that!

It kind of depends. If it was really his, then why wasn't he storing it at his own house? If it was toys that his DP bought when he was a child maybe they see them as theirs to dispose of as they like?

My DP have kept the decent ones of our old toys at their house and any visiting children are free to play with them. This seems fair to me. Gifting them to one person I can see as being unfair.

How much lego can one child play with? Share it!