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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think dummies don't automatically mean babies sleep better?

47 replies

PuffyPigeon · 28/03/2014 13:47

I'm expecting dc3. My first two breastfed and co-slept which has resulted in very few sleepless nights. Dhs two dc from previous marriage were in cots in their own rooms from birth with dummies. He doesn't want me to co-sleep with this one and says giving them a dummy is the key to having them sleep well, and in a cot. I have no objection to sleeping separately but think he's naive to say dummies automatically get everyone better sleep. Surely every parent would use them if so? What about them falling out and having to replaced? He says I haven't tried so cant really comment. Aibu to think dummies aren't necessarily the magic key to sleep?

OP posts:

NewtRipley · 28/03/2014 19:13

A bottle or milkshake or juice and TV? Blimey

Sounds like you've got some pretty different ideas about childrearing. This isn't about dummies it's about co-sleeping. Sounds like bumpy times ahead for you.

I didn't use a dummy for either of mine - admit to a bit of MC snobbery first time round. But if DS2 hadn't started sucking his fingers I would have tried him with one - he was very sucky and it definitely got him to sleep.

Starting with a dummy doesn't mean you continue with one - you make a plan to withdraw it and boundaries to when it's going to be used. If you don't trust him not to have one in the baby's gob the whole time sounds like you don't trust him.

MrsAmaretto · 28/03/2014 19:30

Ha ha ha ha.
DS had a dummy & never could find the darn thing when it fell out (even when 2.5)

DD had a dummy from 3weeks - 4months. In the end she was crying for it every 30-40mins. Hell.on.earth.

Mopsadaisy · 28/03/2014 21:05

Chav off Pixiepotter - that kind of attitude isn't exactly classy! Babies have a natural sucking reflex, denying them a form of comfort on those grounds is almost cruel....

EeyoreIsh · 28/03/2014 21:13

My constantly suckling baby refuses to take a dummy, so there's no guarantee a dummy will help.

notso · 28/03/2014 21:19

Arf at chav off.

I was a thumb sucker until I was pregnant with DD, I was determined my DC wouldn't suck their thumbs. With DS2&3 it was a choice between extended dummy use and extended breast feeding, I didn't want to breast feed anymore.

I am baffled at Mums who struggle with a sucky hard to comfort baby but are two snobby to consider a dummy.

notso · 28/03/2014 21:20

Mine all did at first too EeyoreIsh

JennyOnAPlate · 28/03/2014 21:22

I tried desperately to get dd1 to take a dummy. She was a very sucky baby and wanted to be on the boob constantly. She wouldn't take it, even after weeks of trying.

I have a close friend who did use a dummy and it was a bloody nightmare. I used to give her and her dd a lift places a lot because she didn't drive, and I was forever having to pull the car over so she could put the dummy back in!

MorrisZapp · 28/03/2014 21:25

Well you think that BF and co sleeping has resulted in few sleepless nights. Rather than any kind of luck.

So I guess his positive experience of what helps babies to sleep is as valid as yours.

DS did have a dummy and it saved my sanity, but the choice is yours.

HRMumness · 28/03/2014 21:27

We gave my DD one and it definitely helped as she was very unsettled, although part of me thinks that was because we had a dreadful time with BF. I decided to stop using it at 3 months but then we went to stay with my PIL for a few weeks. She was waking them up and they suggested giving it back to her, I relented just to keep the peace.

As a general rule, she was only ever allowed to have it if she was going to sleep. We recently took it off her (she is 20 months now) as she was becoming more and more attached to it. She would even ask for it if she was tired. Took her a good week to get over it, I told her it was broken (true) and that they had run out at the shops (obviously not true). She has been sleeping much better now as she was waking up a few times a night and crying out for it.

I don't regret using it with her but I think there should be clear limits on when it can be used and try to get them to stop using it before they get too old / too aware / attached to it.

Lambzig · 28/03/2014 21:27

Neither of my DC would take a dummy.

I don't know why you wouldn't have them in the same room with you though, even if you don't want to co-sleep.

KitCat26 · 28/03/2014 21:28

DD1 was a sucky baby, I loved her dummy!

I used to use it to gauge if she was hungry or not at night. If she sucked it and went back to sleep, perfect, if she spat it out and wailed she'd have a feed. We co-slept half the time, Moses basket next to the bed the rest. She didn't wake in the night after 11 weeks though, even if the dummy fell out.

DD2 wasn't so sucky, but I persisted. The instant peace was lovely.

If you're the one dealing with nights, do what you need to, not what your other half thinks you should do whilst he sleeps!

PansOnFire · 28/03/2014 21:55

DS had a dummy from a few weeks, he was such a 'sucky' baby and it helped him settle more quickly. I also used a dummy with DS as it helped relieve wind which he really suffered with. My initial thoughts on using a dummy were that they helped reduce the risk of SIDS, of course I don't know how effective they are at preventing it but I thought it was worth a go. Some babies actually won't take a dummy so it might be decided by the baby anyway, I definitely think it's a bad idea to put the baby in it's own room from birth though.

Purplepoodle · 28/03/2014 22:17

I wouldn't say better sleep. They are great for settling distressed babies or babies who fight sleep. I would use one sometimes if my bf baby was fighting sleep but then take it out once they are settled.

notthegirlnextdoor · 29/03/2014 08:03

My youngest slept the best out of all 3 of mknwr and she didn't have a dummy. She just never took to it.

notthegirlnextdoor · 29/03/2014 08:06

*mine stupid phone. It was however a whole different ball game when she was teething and waking up in the night screaming. Not having a dummy made it very tricky to settle her during those times.

Jinty64 · 29/03/2014 08:14

My three all settled quickly with a dummy and they were a life saver for naps latter on but I wouldn't put a baby in a seperate room.

pianodoodle · 29/03/2014 08:30

I think it depends on the child really (boring answer I know!)

I was surprised to find in a leaflet when I brought DS home from the hospital that the new recommendation was actually to give them a dummy for sleep to reduce SIDS. I was glad too as my in-laws made some comments about DD using a dummy and this time round I made a point of telling them about the guidelines :)

DD had one from 2 weeks until 5 months and it never interfered with breast feeding. She seemed to want to suck constantly and without the dummy I'd have been red raw!

DS loves his as well. If you use them sensibly and don't just cork them instead of seeing to a need they're a godsend.

On the other hand my friend's baby wouldn't take one at all. She didn't try it until a few months though so I don't know if that might have been a factor? I know if you bf they say don't give one before 4 weeks but I've never had a problem and "nipple confusion" always sounded a bit unlikely to me. Surely they aren't that easily confused?!

pianodoodle · 29/03/2014 08:33

Mine never slept in their own room though I think it's sensible advice keeping them in with you. We didn't co-sleep but keep them in a basket by the bed.

mrsjay · 29/03/2014 09:06

the funniest thing i have read on here for ages dummies are for chav babies the poster seriously thinks that

InAGrump · 29/03/2014 09:11

No guarantee they'll take a dummy, especially if breastfeeding. Mine didn't. It will be very difficult to parent the way he is suggesting if you want to breastfeed.

If he's only bottle fed before can you take him with you to a breastfeeding group before your baby comes, so some of the more outspoken members can help enlighten him on what breastfeeding needs?
There are a couple of good leaflets on breastfeeding and Dads

Original poster

PuffyPigeon · 29/03/2014 22:58

Our first child together is still breastfeeding and co-sleeping at almost two. Usually I lay with her for an hour or so until she's properly asleep but am going to begin working on getting her in her own bed before baby comes. Dh won't be doing night wakings but 'misses me' of an evening and thinks a dummy is a solution. I, however, think him giving the last feed of an expressed bottle of milk once baby is old enough (assuming they'll take a bottle) is the way to break the association between boobs and sleep thus giving us more freedom of an evening.

OP posts:

GirlsTimesThree · 29/03/2014 23:16

Yeah, my chav baby had one because aged two weeks she got whooping cough and ended up in ITU for a month. She was tube fed, but her suck reflex was still there and her stomach filled with air. We couldn't pick her up to wind her as she was on a ventilator, so she was in constant pain. The nurses suggested a dummy which cured the problem.
She had it at night until she was three and took it to the Disney Store to swap for an umbrella and a pair of slippers!
DD2 wouldn't have one and sucked her fingers, but DD3 loved hers and she slept through the night from 8 weeks even though she was 6 wks early. We gave her two in her cot in case one fell on the floor at night.
The bonus of thumb/finger sucking can be free ortho treatment later - only DD2 had done enough damage to qualify. We had to pay for the other two!

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