Or was my colleague out of order?

[DuPainDuVinDuFromage]

Yesterday I was on the phone to my mum as I arrived at work and having a bit of an argument (she can be difficult...). I couldn't finish the conversation outside because I was only just going to make it for 9am and staying outside to talk would have made me late. And it's very difficult to cut her off once she gets going - the only option would have been to literally cut her off, which would have made her really mad. So I was still on the phone as I walked into the office and it was probably clear that we were arguing (although I should note not actually shouting and no swearwords etc.).

Today, the person I share a room with at work suggested I might want to wait outside until I finish my conversations rather than "airing my dirty laundry" in the office - not his actual words but clearly his meaning.

AIBU to be furious that he thinks it is any of his business AT ALL when the conversation did not involve anything more anti-social than some slightly raised voices?

I am so angry that I don't know how I'm going to get through the several meetings I have with him today without saying something

He's in the right I'm afraid

OP I also have a parent who calls at work.

So: I do not pick up the phone. If he rings at 8.45, I still don't pick up. I pick up on evenings and weekends. I let it ring to voicemail or put it on silent. This also applies to my office landline.

Sorry, I do know how hard it is, but YABU.

You made it his business carrying in in the office. You should be ready to start work at 9.

YABU, although maybe your colleague could have put it a bit better.

Why were you so keen to be seen getting in at 9 on the dot? Is it a workplace where you have to clock on and get in trouble if you're technically late? And as others have pointed out, if you're on a personal call in the office you aren't working, so it doesn't really matter if you're physically in the office or not.

YABU. He's right. Plus what if he'd been taking a professional call at the time- not very professional hearing someone ranting in the background. Would you have been embarrassed or hung up had the director or head or 'big boss there been in the room at the time. I'm guessing you, like most people would have.

In a pub situation I would have said he was bu, in a professional one you are.

Next time your mum calls try not to let her rile you up so much and keep you on the phone, my nan used to be exactly the same to me and I had to get very assertive to cut her off and stop the call. Use this to motivate you to nip things in the bud rather then repeat things you've probably already said to her and she has to you.

Well unless this is happening on a regular basis then I think he should have kept quiet. I wouldn't dream of dishing out a telling off for a one off like that. He sounds like a self righteous smuggard.

Yabu, it's really unprofessional to bring that kind of stuff into work, on work time too.

Why are you getting into arguments with your mother on your way to work? Don't pick the phone up to her if she's difficult. Send her a text, 'Can't talk now, rushing to work. Speak later.' You have to set some boundaries.

I agree with your colleague. It is cringe-making having to listen to personal phone calls at work. So don't let your mother put you in a position where you are being thought of as unprofessional.

Your colleague is right. Even if you'd stayed outside you would have arrived flustered and cross and not ready to work.

Set a time limit after which you let all calls go to voicemail...say 10 minutes before you have to start. Then you've got time to get your 'work brain' in gear. (I had to do this...I used to leave really early and then be fending off teen DCs 'where are my shoes? ' phone calls just as I got to work).

Tell your DM that it's a new work place rule to have no personal calls during the day or for 10 minutes before the shift starts.

Apologise profusely to your colleague, say it won't happen again, buy biscuits for office team, and then forget it.

practice saying im sorry mom im at work we can continue this later, bye, unless you were shouting screaming talking for an hour really i see no need for him to have pointed it out

Sorry, but I'm with your colleague on this one.

You made it his business when you took the phone conversation into the office.

If it's a private phone conversation you should keep it outside the office. It's impossible not to overhear one end of a phone conversation if someone next to you is on the phone, and it's very uncomfortable to listen to if it's clearly a personal phone call where people are arguing with each other.

(a) Arriving at work on the dot of 9.00am is not starting work at 9.00am so why were you aiming to be there at 9.00am?

(b) Why are you using work time to be on Mumsnet?

Yanbu, some people need to get a grip and mind their own business! Who cares if you were on the phone, if it was that private or were bothered if people heard then you would not have kept talking when you had entered the office.

I am with others on this one. I think you were rude and unreasonable and I do think you owe your colleague a proper apology (by 'proper', I mean with an honestly apologetic intent, not begrudged).

It sounds as if you're having a bit of an out-of-sorts morning, having faced an argument with your mum and been so angry with your colleague, all before 10 past 9 in the morning!
A rotten feeling for you (even if you were BU) so I hope you manage to get a few moments to de-stress this morning. Face the rest of the day afresh!

He's odd. I like listening to people's arguments on the phone. I used to work with someone who had some crackers. Especially after a lunchtime down the pub.

The mark of a really good one was when a vein in his forehead starting pulsing.

Yours sounds too discreet to be of interest and I wouldn't have said anything to you.

I hope you are feeling calmer now OP. I agree with the others that you want to be as professional as possible at work, which means as few personal calls as possible in the workplace and definitely not argumentative ones.

Probably best to try and avoid this kind of thing happening in the first place by making sure you stop the conversation 5 mins before going into the office.

Don't beat yourself up about making a mistake though, plenty of people have done it.

not his actual words

so what did he actually say to you?

Where are these places where people arrive at work and get cracking like greyhounds out of a trap? They sound terrifying.

Everyone I've ever worked with ambled in, hung up their coat, mentioned last night's telly, made a cup of tea, got a couple of rounds of toast from the canteen, did their make up in the loo...

Somehow the world still turned. Slackers.

He could have thought he was being constructive, maybe. It does not look very good and could be embarrassing to you doing this. It does not appear very professional and work focused, so could affect the way people see your commitment to your work.

Added to this getting into work is the ideal opportunity to cut a stressful conversation on the phone to someone short! I would take it personally...

Being available to talk at all times is one of the downsides of mobile phones IMO. Switch it to vibrate and just check the messages, if you think someone is likely to need help.

On the other hand family crises happen sometimes, but it doesn't sound like th phone conversation was really constructive to alleviating anything. I would tell your mum that someone in the office commented and you cannot speak to her on the phone in office hours, apart from a real emergency.

"Everyone I've ever worked with ambled in, hung up their coat, mentioned last night's telly, made a cup of tea, got a couple of rounds of toast from the canteen, did their make up in the loo..."

I've never worked anywhere that would allow that. You would have to get in early. Work would be expected to be started at start time.

In some places, only water was allowed outside of breaks.

You need to put some boundaries in place with your mother. I think your colleague was right and an apology from you acknowledging your lack of professionalism might be a good idea.

Yes some workplaces sound awful.

If you take incoming calls for a company that has advertised hours, you have to be at your desk and ready to work BY that time. And there are myriad jobs where turning up on time is vital to the running of the business. I'm more surprised that people cannot imagine why it would be necessary to be actually working at the time you are contracted for.

As far as the OP - YABU. You made it his business when you brought your problems with your mother into his workspace. It is really disruptive to work with someone who doesn't appreciate that 'raised voices' ARE anti-social when you are trying to get on with your job.

And as for this: Who cares if you were on the phone, if it was that private or were bothered if people heard then you would not have kept talking when you had entered the office.

It's not whether the OP was happy for people to hear her arguing with her mother, more that they don't want to have their working day interrupted by someone else's drama. I don't imagine they were concerned for her privacy as much as they wanted her to STFU so they could get on with their jobs.

OP - it sounds like your mother makes you quite unhappy. Have you considered 'laying down the law' or reducing the contact you have with her? I'm guessing that a lot of your anger with your colleague would actually be better directed at your mother and the way she treats you - surely she can understand that you need to be off the phone and not dealing with her when you are at work?

Tbh, I'd be hacked off if someone came into my workspace on the phone arguing with a family member. It is my workspace. I want to be able to work, to concentrate, to write, to focus, and to research the projects I am paid to do, and to be able to phone actual people who are relevant to work without distraction.

Having said that, if someone was clearly upset by having had such a phone call, I'd ask them if they needed some support. Like a lot of people on this thread have said, it can be difficult sometimes to get a parent to accept that their daughters actually have jobs and not little hobbies.

Interesting.

I understand that there are many jobs were you have to be ready to start work on the dot - retail, any kind of shift work, any work that involves customer appointments, transport etc - for the sake of others and smooth running of the business.

I just don't do that kind of work and many of us don't either.

I'd not bat an eyelid at the OP having a barney with her mum and would regard her colleague as precious and borderline offensive. Similarly, I'd find it precious of someone to complain about behaviour that wasn't directly affecting them and wasn't intimidating (whether physically or mentally) or violent.

As a manager I'd find them the problem.

I've worked with people who have demanded a Trappist silence, which given the nature of my job, is hilarious.

Given that, I've always been reluctant to socialise with colleagues out of work and I do a job that is reliant on socialising.

I do it, but I leave formal office parties as soon as I can and never go to informal office outings because I hate them and prefer to socialise with friends - who may also be colleagues, but not necessarily.