To try to learn to not give a shit what people think about me?

[sisterelephant]

I used to be very shy and insecure but over the years I managed to bury her deep down and grew a bit of confidence.

I'm at a funny place in my life now. I'm in a new area and not really in established friendships or communities anymore and I just can't keep that shy, insecure girl at bay. Whenever I am talking to people I'm not really listening but mostly assessing what I think they think about me. Then I find myself editing my questions/answers to be what I think they'd want to hear. I always do it and I annoy myself.

AIBU to not want to care what people think about me? if anyone has some tips to help me actually believe this I'm all ears

It helps me to remember that most people are thinking about themselves, their families, their worries, etc as they are talking to you. They are almost certainly having some of the same thoughts about themselves as you are and worrying about how they're coming across, whether they are being understood etc. Try to communicate with the person underneath all of this and give yourself a break at the same time.

A friend said this to me and it was a big wake up call - she said: what makes you so special that you're worse than anyone else?

I found that the key to not caring as much about what other people think of you is realising that they don't really think about you that much. How much do you think deeply about other people? Everyone is fairly self obsessed for the most part (human nature).

The other part of not caring what they think is realising that pragmatically what they think makes very little difference to your day, as etiquette generally dictates that they keep their thoughts to themselves. Why spend energy worrying about things you can't change that don't have any effect on you? Life's too short.

thanks for replying.

I get very anxious over this, and I spend far too much time long after the conversation going over what I said, didn't say or should have said! I know this isn't normal behaviour though!

Well that's good that you know it's not normal behaviour. :) That means that you can get over it eventually. It just takes practice. Give yourself a talking to (kindly) when you go into self-sabotage mode.

I'm like this too. You're not alone. I drive myself mad over thinking everything. I usually find a glass or three of wine helps.

I'd like to learn that knack too!

I always think that what other people think about me is none of my business.
I have no intention of changing so i have no control over whether they like me or not.
There are better things in my life to focus my energy on

Do you get anxious over what they think, or what they might do? If it's the latter then it might be tapping into some historical things for you, when people have behaved badly in the past. It might help to have a mantra that you repeat to yourself reminding you that this is now, not then, and this is a different situation.

Its more if what they think.

I like to analyse people and assume they do it too. I always assume people don't like me and are just pretending to just to be polite.

Oh God, I'm like this too. I wake up in the middle of the night cringing about (no doubt perfectly normal) things I've said and rehashing conversations wondering if I was sufficiently erudite and witty. If I could learn not to give a shit I actually think I'd be more likeable. Catch 22.

chrome you are me!

Imagine if we'd met each other thinking the same thing ha ha

YANBU! Not giving a shit what people think of you is great, I can heartily recommend it. I have been not giving a shit for about 20 years now.

There's a book, I think it's called 'Overcoming Low Self-Esteem', it's definitely written by Melanie Fennell that has been highly recommended to my by a friend, why not see if you can get a copy from the library? Hope things get better.