AIBU to wonder how people fit everything in.

[spudalicious]

Or am I/we just trying to do too much?

So, I am a single mum, DD8.

I want to cool from scratch, do educational shit/homework with DD/encourage her to read and keep my house borderline clean. I don't seem to have enough time for any of that and am beginning to think that I am Getting It All Wrong.

I work 30 hours a week over 5 days. Leave the house at 7.45. Drive 40 mins to work, no break, get back in time to pick DD up. Afterschool activities Mon and Tues. DD sees her dad (at my house while I go out Wed/Thurs eve until 6. Fri evening we are both shattered.

I am in last year of degree.

Weekends are filled with friend and family fun (DD is lonely as an only child).

Am I being pathetic to not be able to find time to fit it all in? DD bedtime is about 7-7.30 as she needs sleep to be worth knowing.

I'm always rushing and it feels like we have no down time.

Hampton - I know you are right but every move I have made to extricate from this man is fraught (normally for DD as he knows that that is the only route he has to cause me pain now). I cannot describe how deep his denial is - he still maintains that our relationship was 'perfect' until the day I walked out for 'no reason at all'. This is the last stumbling block - I have issued an ultimatum and am going to follow through but all the way through this last year he has emotionally manipulated my daughter who is very sad so I can't help but tread carefully.

Frankly I'd be happy for him to never darken my door again but I don't want to break my DD's heart.

Thanks muminthecity - that's really helpful and I like the idea of bits and pieces to do on the fridge - when she complains about being bored I can just point mumsily at it and feel a bit smug.

How about making sure one day at the weekend is just you and dd? If you're exhausted then I'm sure she is too, and she honestly won't get lonely for one day - especially as she's got you, and I do believe that that's more important than time with friends, which she gets a lot of anyway with school and after school activities.

I also think children need time to get bored, in order to find their interests, and explore things for themselves - and if she can talk to you about her worries in that quiet time, I'd see that as a good thing and not as having too much time to fret. We all need time to process things.

You sound like a lovely mum and I do think you're expecting an awful lot of yourself. I don't think anybody could fit all of that in. Sometimes we have to think, "good enough is good enough" - pick the things that you think you'd regret not doing when you look back in ten years' time, and stick to those.

WOW, your fitting loads in.

I might work an extra 10 hrs a week, but I don't have a degree on top of that. My volunteering isn't every week - more like once a month each. I have a husband.

If yuor reluctant to stop the project and brownies, what about dropping one of the volunteering bits to start with, and see how it goes for a bit?

I'm nicking the idea of a chart with one post school thing each day fro the fridge. Thats excellent.

And also drawing up a list of things to do when "I'm bored Mummy" gets sounded.

My oldest also asks to play with friends houses at the weekend, but I think thats mainly because he is used to having his mates to play superheros with. If you set him on something else (cooking, coloring, lego) he is fine. Are you sure all the weekends need to be as busy as they currently are?

Be gentle on yourself - you've had a lot on in the last couple of years.

and and

spud, I'm in awe
You do more in a week than most people do in a month
The only thing I noticed was time dedicated to sufficient and ...

Thanks again all. I've decided to drop at least one volunteering effort and am thinking long and hard about Brownies. DD and I will talk about it over Easter.

Re: weekends - you're probably right - we don't need to do so much socialising. I expect it's my guilt over having an only (when I wanted more) and, if I'm honest, taking her out to socialise is about the only time I get to speak to another adult who isn't asking me for something at work, so assauges my loneliness too.

I'm going to make a plan this weekend and see how we go.

It doesn't help that I'm naturally v. lazy, so can find it hard to stick to a plan.