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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want him to leave

13 replies

Ponderfully · 26/03/2014 16:07

I split with my partner about a month ago and he still hasn't moved out. We have a 3 year old daughter so at the start I said stay until you find somewhere. But its been a month now and I want to get my shit together and my house in order. There are loads of places to rent but he says no to each one. It's doing my head in. I can't just kick him out. Can I? Ha.

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 26/03/2014 16:09

More info needed, is he on the deed or tenancy

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2014 16:10

It depends. Is the house yours? Or if it's rented is it your name on the rental agreement, or his, or both?

spongebob13 · 26/03/2014 16:10

do you really want him gone? Ha Hmm

Original poster
Ponderfully · 26/03/2014 16:17

Sorry I'll fill ye in. Together 4 years. Was pregnant after 3 months. Not planned. I own the house and I'm the only one who works. So he will be going on benefits. He is the laziest person I have ever met. The sight of him is starting to rile me and I don't want to have a bad relationship with him. I'm really trying to make it as pleasant as possible but it is getting tough.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 26/03/2014 16:19

If his name isn't on the deeds and he's not contributing, put on some bolts, put his stuff out, and tell him to fuck off.

Nomama · 26/03/2014 16:20

Organise yourself. Get a new lock, give him a short errand, change lock.

Boot to Bum required.

ICanSeeTheSun · 26/03/2014 16:20

Pack his bags. A month is long enough

Nancy66 · 26/03/2014 16:20

Give him a date he has to be out by.

Keep nagging him, if he's not out by the deadline then change the locks.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 26/03/2014 16:21

yep. just change locks when he's out and put his stuff outside.

Dahlen · 26/03/2014 16:28

It takes time to find and sort out the paperwork for a new place to live. That's why tenancy agreements tend to have a month's notice, for example. Unfortunately, you left it a bit open-ended with your "stay until you find somewhere" and while I appreciate that this is difficult for you and he is probably taking advantage, you need to be more specific and maybe cut him a little slack.

I would tell him that it's been a month and he needs to get it sorted. He now has a further 7 to 14 days (depending on how tolerant you're feeling and how badly he's behaving) to finalise something, after which time he will need to be gone, whether that's into a place of his own or putting his stuff into storage while he sofa-surfs. If that doesn't happen, the locks will be changed and his stuff will be outside on the street.

LaGuardia · 26/03/2014 16:31

No, he is taking the piss. Change the locks and get on with your life. He can crash at a mate's house if need be.

Original poster
Ponderfully · 26/03/2014 16:31

Ok. Good advice. I'll give him 2 weeks. I just don't want to be a bitch.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2014 17:26

Yes, setting a firm date is the answer. Though if he becomes aggressive or his behaviour seriously acceptable in any other way (stealing money, breaking things, taking drugs) you can chuck him out and, if necessary, call the police to remove him. And if he won't go when the two weeks are up you can, again, get the police to come and physically remove him from the house.

When he's gone, you will need to stay firm about him seeing his DD (though TBH if he is as useless and lazy as he sounds, he will probaly just vanish, and she is young enough to get over this quite easily) - don't allow him to come into your home again 'because he has nowhere to take her'. THere are plenty of places to take a 3-year-old and look after her properly.

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