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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it is not ok to leave your kids in the car outside a large supermarket?

66 replies

Aberchips · 25/03/2014 10:06

Yesterday afternoon I parked in the mother & child spaces at my local (large) supermarket with my two children (4 &2). As I was getting out of the car, I noticed that in the car next to us were 2 kids who looked about 6/7 & 3ish - the younger one was waving to me. They were strapped into seats or anything but just roaming about the car- playing with the steering wheel etc.

I admit that I do occasionally leave my kids in their car seats in the car when I pop into the Sainsburys local or corner shop, but I can always see them out of the window & I lock them in with strict instructions not to touch the doors. I am never doing anything more than picking up a pint of milk & only gone about 2 mins.

I don't know how long these kids had been there, but it took me a good few minutes to park, get my trolley, unload my kids etc & nobody came back to the car. I thought about telling the security people/ staff but then wasn't sure they would do anything?

I don't think IBU to think you shouldn't leave kids like this, but WWYD?

OP posts:

RedandChecker · 25/03/2014 12:07

Corner shop/Local, in sight, five mins - OK.

Weekly shop, not in sight, hour+ - Not OK and i WOULD tell someone and I WOULD judge. I cannot see any valid reason why you would leave your child unattended where you cannot see them for a long period of time. I would tell someone so they could call the parent/carer back to the vehicle in hope they would never do it again.

Original poster

Aberchips · 25/03/2014 12:12

Sorry RedandChecker that part of the post was slightly confusing - I was agreeing with you in that the parking space was outside the door, not having a go & asking the other poster how she did things like pay for fuel etc without leaving the kids fro a couple of mins.

OP posts:

ICanSeeTheSun · 25/03/2014 12:13

If a car did magically combust in a petrol station, wouldn't the whole thing go up.

MrsMcColl · 25/03/2014 12:15

That can't be aimed at me RedandChecker, as I said I DON'T leave them as long as it would take to do a weekly shop - I leave them, quite happily, for shorter periods. It's no-one's business how we choose to manage our lives, if the children aren't at risk. Which I believe they aren't, for short periods in a locked car on a day when we aren't having a heatwave.

Ladysnackbeth · 25/03/2014 12:18

At what age would you not call the police, red?

RedandChecker · 25/03/2014 12:23

MrsMcColl. It is aimed at anyone doing their weekly shop or leaving them for a long period of time. Didn't my post state that?

Personally, i dislike all of this non of anyones business malarky. Yes some people are just nosey and malicious which is unfair and in some cases, if not most cases, they sould mind their own business! I wouldn't report to social services, that's too far in my opinion here.

But surely as a society, we should look out for eachother and children and if we think a child is at risk, alert someone such as security just so they can call the parent to return.

I can't see any reason to leave a child out of sight, alone. Apart from laziness, that's the only reason I have that i nip into the corner shop - because it's easier. I'm not going to make up any other excuse because it's not true. It is the lazy option. But I feel if i can see DS and know the alarm will go off he is safe.

I would be feling anxious if i couldn't see my DCs or the car. But then, maybe I'm just paranoid and PFB.

RedandChecker · 25/03/2014 12:24

I never said I would call the police, I wouldn't want them to pass on to SS Lady I would notify security, however.

MamaPain · 25/03/2014 12:24

OP your response is a bit confusing as you said but if you are asking me how I do things without leaving the kids in the car, I don't. As I said I leave them up to half an hour (weather depending, I wouldn't leave them sweltering or freezing obviously).

I was in my first post pointing out that it is a fallacy that anyone is leaving their kids in the car to shop/pay for petrol and managing to watch them constantly. You might be able to see the car but unless someone has special eyes which. An look on two different directions at once it can't be done.

Also the business about a handbrake is surely only an issue if you're on a steep or noticeable incline. I regularly forget to put my hand break on (it's a funny one not in the usual position) the car doesn't move by itself, it's just sits there, even on slight slopes.

Original poster

Aberchips · 25/03/2014 12:25

FFS I'm not advocating calling SS or the Police, just mentioning it to shop staff/ security so they're aware & can keep an eye out. My concern was more for the kids safety.

OP posts:

WestieMamma · 25/03/2014 12:26

I wouldn't leave my kids in the car alone ever because I remember clearly what my brother and I used to get up when my parents left us. I also don't think someone who leaves their own, younger children should be judging others who do the same. On that basis YABU.

Ladysnackbeth · 25/03/2014 12:32

Maybe red . One child alone in a car is very different from a child in a car with an older sibling.

treaclesoda · 25/03/2014 12:39

I would leave mine for a few minutes, maybe, sometimes I do just have to run into Sainsburys to grab one thing that I can't get at the local shop for example. But I wouldn't go and do an hour of supermarket shopping and just leave them sitting in the car.

Was thinking about this the other day though, my childhood was one long round of being taken along to sit in the car from about the age of 4 or 5. I grew up in 1980s N Ireland where you couldn't park a car in the street (car parks were ok, obviously) unattended, you had to have someone in it, so when my dad or older siblings needed to go to the shop, I was always brought along to sit in the car. It was always a treat, I loved it! I was warned not to touch anything though, and I didn't. But when that memory popped into my head the other day, the first thing I thought was 'ooh, what would mumsnet say to that?'

MexicanSpringtime · 25/03/2014 12:40

Ladysnackbeth, thank you for your explanation, I was wondering what the problem was, apart from the fact that waiting in cars is boring.

I live thousands of miles away and when I read these posts I am so glad. So precious!

Ladysnackbeth · 25/03/2014 12:42

I may have omitted some horrors that may befall mexican so do forgive me.

Zombie apocolypse springs to mind as does earthquake, landslide and werewolf attack.

Apologies.

Nohootingchickenssleeping · 25/03/2014 12:51

Can I please throw in that my handbrake is crap, the model is known for it. I have to leave my car in gear. If you knock the gearstick into neutral, even gently, the car will roll. Even on the flat.

KellyElly · 25/03/2014 13:05

Maybe I'm being a bit thick here but MN is usually up in arms if a parent leaves their sleeping child at home asleep wile they nip to the shop across the road, so why is leaving sleeping/awake children in a car ok?

Kolakubism · 25/03/2014 13:20

I was literally just thinking about this! DD is 5 months. If I go to the supermarket, is it ok after doing the shop to get everything in the car including DD and get her strapped into her seat and lock the car while I nip back with the trolley? My gut says no but rationally I'm not sure why. It's just more convenient than carrying her to and from the trolley park. Hmmm ... I think YANBU to be honest. I don't think I'd leave kids that young in the car on their own.

MrsMcColl · 25/03/2014 13:22

KellyElly - if I had a shop right across the road from my house, yes I'd pop to it without kids.

RedandChecker · 25/03/2014 13:23

Kola If your gut feeling is going to make you feel uncomfortable whilst taking the trolley back then just take her with you, it makes no difference time wise.

littledrummergirl · 25/03/2014 13:32

I think mine were about 7 when I used to leave them in the car while I popped into the shops.
I do not allow them to lock the car as I am paranoid
Concerned that they wouldnt get out in an emergency. They all know where the horn is

KellyElly · 25/03/2014 13:36

MrsMcColl Have you seen the threads where people have suggested doing that? They are told in no circumstances is that right etc. I just don't get MN sometimes!

HauntedNoddyCar · 25/03/2014 13:40

Ladysnackbeth I'm sure the parents of the two children who died when a car 'spontaneously combusted' while parked on a driveway are rocking with mirth at your comedy scenarios.

No it isn't an urban myth.

HauntedNoddyCar · 25/03/2014 13:42

Hiding thread for own sanity.

IamInvisible · 25/03/2014 13:46

You can never tell how old a child is just by looking at them. We have a child who lives near us, she looks about 7, she is 10, so the child in the OP might have been older.

KatnipEvergreen · 25/03/2014 13:47

I have left them in the car, but only while I pop in for a few items, not to do a weekly shop. Mine are 8 and 5. It's up to them whether they come in or not, sometimes they'd prefer not to.

Kola, I always strapped them in the car first and then returned the trolley, when they were babies. I think in terms of relative risk, it's far more likely that they would be in an accident while you cross the car park with them, than anything happen to them in the car. Not that either is likely at all.

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