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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get revenge by telling his work he's been thieving?

24 replies

N1ckerz · 25/03/2014 10:02

Hi, have t posted on here for ages but would really appreciate some of your opinions.
I'll try to be brief.
I've been a single parent most of my adult life, struggling with almost everything.
I met someone wonderful a year ago and he moved in and life was wonderful for the first time in my life, I didn't struggle and was very happy.

Basically, he left completely out the blue in January. He had been unfaithful and just left when I wasn't home.
I had a breakdown and ended up being in hospital for 2 weeks, he has left me a mess financially, he took our puppy away, he won't collect his things, infact he won't even contact me and his family are being quite mean too. Have found out that he has done this twice before to other women.
Anyway, I'm really fed up now that he has a new life, holidays, apartment... My pup and I know I'm better off without him but I just feel like really getting revenge on him and showing him that if he continues to be like this, one day there will be consequences.... And I'm the consequence!
He has been robbing stock from his work for years and years and living a very good life because of it... And I feel like telling his work!
Does that make me a very bad person?

OP posts:
justmuddlingalong · 25/03/2014 10:07

Why did you not report him when life with him was wonderful? Did you not benefit from his thieving at the time?

LovelyJubblies · 25/03/2014 10:10

Do it. But I agree with Just

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow · 25/03/2014 10:11

Can you prove it?

ilovesooty · 25/03/2014 10:11

If you wanted to report his behaviour for ethical reasons you should have been prepared to do it while you were presumably reaping the benefits. The factthat he's treated you badly since doesn't justify the reporting now.

mummymeister · 25/03/2014 10:12

N1ckerz you are on very dodgy ground here imo. if you were living off the proceeds from this criminal activity and you knew that you were then surely you were committing an offence as well? if you do shop him then what is to stop people coming to your house and interviewing you, taking goods to the value of, prosecuting you as well. I can sympathise with the need for revenge. but perhaps you should have had this pang of conscience when you were with him and first became aware that he was a thief. not afterwards.

minibmw2010 · 25/03/2014 10:13

So you want to report him because you feel bad he's been stealing from his workplace, or because you feel bad that you aren't getting the benefit of his thieving anymore? Move on.

VivaLeBeaver · 25/03/2014 10:14

The sort of person who steals isn't a wonderful person. He's shown his true colours to you now by treating you like this but that's the sort of person he is. If you knew about the stealing that should have been a big red flag.

I would report, but I'd have reported (and dumped) a year ago.

CoffeeTea103 · 25/03/2014 10:14

Revenge always comes back to you. Just leave it. If you knew for years you should be liable to have said something back then.

Original poster
N1ckerz · 25/03/2014 10:14

Thanks for your reply, I never used to get involved in it but probably did benefit from it one way or another.

OP posts:
Original poster
N1ckerz · 25/03/2014 10:16

He told me in the beginning it was a legit business, he had receipts and stuff!
Probably very naive of me but I never got involved in it much.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/03/2014 10:17

She states she wants to report him to get revenge. It would serve her right if she does it and ends up in trouble herself as a result.

I agree with mummy meister

Original poster
N1ckerz · 25/03/2014 10:19

It's hard to explain the true nature of the type of person I am and the level of deceit that he has committed in a small message.
This isn't just revenge because I'm skint... It's because he led me down the garden path.
I'm not saying I'm going to do it, I've been considering it for months, I just wanted your opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
N1ckerz · 25/03/2014 10:21

Ilovesooty - harsh!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/03/2014 10:22

To do that would be very stupid indeed

Use your energy instead to ask yourself why you fell so quickly and naively for the empty charm of a bloke like this

sebsmummy1 · 25/03/2014 10:24

I totally understand your want for revenge ....BUT if his world collapses around him and he finds out you did it (and I imagine it wouldn't be too difficult to point the finger at the very recent scorned woman). He is going to be seeking out his own revenge and from the sound of him I wouldn't want to be at the receiving end of his wrath (particularly if you have children you want to keep safe).

So take a deep breath, wish him the biggest thorniest karmic boomerang, and start to pick up the pieces of you're own life.

VivaLeBeaver · 25/03/2014 10:24

I guess the problem is he could turn round and say you were involved. Yes he physically took stuff but that it was your idea, you had half the money, helped sell stuff, etc.

sebsmummy1 · 25/03/2014 10:25

*your

justmuddlingalong · 25/03/2014 10:25

Just out of interest N1ckerz, would you take him back?

Original poster
N1ckerz · 25/03/2014 10:29

I'm not stupid, I'm very strong, independent and a good person.
There was actually no way that anyone could have seen this coming, what he did.
I am currently having CB therapy and have come a long way since he left and I had a breakdown and was hospitalised.

He owes me money and I am struggling to make ends meet because he won't stand up to his responsibilities and give me the money for the things we bought on credit.
Please don't judge me, I knew towards the end that what he was doing was dodgy but he assured me that it was the last time he was doing it as the opportunity wouldn't be there.
I believed him when he told me he had receipts and stuff, there really was no need to doubt him at first.

OP posts:
Original poster
N1ckerz · 25/03/2014 10:35

No, I wouldn't take him back
I could never trust him and he has shown his true colours these last few weeks.
I would never let him in my dd's life now.
He was the only man I had ever allowed in to our home.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/03/2014 10:39

If you dob him in and by association yourself then it is likely he will stay in your daughter's life, and not in a good way

Let it go. You got fooled, it happens. He's a shit,, there are lots of them around

Raise your bar next time and ask more difficult questions/don't take stuff at face value

He isn't worth risking your own good reputation for, honestly

ilovesooty · 25/03/2014 10:39

I don't think getting him sacked or prosecuted is likely to improve your life or enhance your financial or emotional recovery.

harriet247 · 25/03/2014 10:40

That is really shite :( i dont blame you for being angry, i went through a similar thing but you have to channel all your energy into something positive instead like a course or new job etc etc.
If he is dodgy just imaginr the hassle he could cause you and dd if he found out that it was you. Its so not worth it! Hes not worth your time and your energy. Concentrate on getting better and your lovely dd

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 25/03/2014 12:59

Two words for you:- Vicky Pryce.

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