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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is rude?

50 replies

HollyBrrr · 23/03/2014 13:08

We own a standard poodle - my family has bought them from the same breeder for several decades because of their good temperament and intelligence. We don't cut her in a traditional 'poncy' poodle way and TBH apart from when she's just been to the groomer's she looks like a bit of scruffball. However, the way she carries herself does give her a bit of a 'wow' factor (as much as a dog can have a wow factor, IYKWIM!)

We've had her a year, and ever since we moved to London we've had at least two instances a week where total strangers have stopped us and asked how much she costs. AIBU to think this is really rude? I would never dream of asking a stranger how much something of theirs cost - I might ask where they got it or comment on how nice it was, but this seems a bit out of order to me.

I also never quite know how to respond. I usually laugh and say 'Yes she looks like a diva doesn't she?' or 'Ah well she's priceless to us' but I'm getting a bit pissed off now, especially when they push the question. WIBU to say, "I'm sorry but I don't think that's any of your business?" or words to that effect?

Before you all give me s and to put this in context, dog thievery isn't unknown in our area so that adds to my

OP posts:

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/03/2014 13:57

She said two instances a week, people!!!!

UnfinishedSentenc · 23/03/2014 14:03

It would be rude if they wanted to buy your actual dog but if they are just enquiring as to how much that particular breed/pedigree would cost of course YABU. I'm quite down to earth though and being asked how much something I have costs would not offend me in the slightest.

splasheeny · 23/03/2014 14:09

I have had people offer to buy my (very non pretentious mixed breed) puppy. I find it rather uncomfortable, as surely people should know that having a dog is about more than money?

I wouldn't sell my little girl for any amount.

youarewinning · 23/03/2014 14:11

I have to say the first question that comes to mind mind when faced wth a beautiful dog is not how much it cost

Same way I wouldn't ask a stranger that about their beautiful car, bike, pushchair etc.

"Oh that's a really beautiful dog, do you have details of where you got it from" is far more acceptable and leads to the same information.

DinahSoar · 23/03/2014 14:13

No, YANBU. Yes, it is rude. Unless you are having the conversation as part of a potential transaction, it is always rude (however widespread the practice) to discuss the price of anything (whether asking the price, or volunteering the info).

The only way it would be acceptable is if someone said 'I love this breed and am thinking of buying one, I gather they go for around £X and I'm sorry to be so rude, but would you mind telling me if that if roughly what you paid?' and you then have the opportunity to provide or not provide the information. Other than that, it would seem a totally inappropriate thing to ask - asking about behaviour, feeding, grooming, exercise, would all be fine, if just wanting to make conversation, but 'ow much d'yer pay forri(t)' is just plain rude, always.

PS I don't think there is anything wrong with buying from a reputable breeder rather than from a rescue centre - it's a bit like saying IVF and sperm donation should be outlawed while there are so many orphans in other countries (and older children for adoption in the UK) - they're completely separate issues.

Birdsgottafly · 23/03/2014 14:20

YABU.

It's a fairly standard question from people who are interested in dogs.

In my case I have had two outstanding looking German Shepherds (as opposed to bog standard ones), that I have had numerous conversations about because one I rescued and the other I came by as a matter of luck.

People are interested in the cost of dogs, especially breed standards.

It's also nice to know that the cost is remaining high, so they aren't over bred and the quality drops.

They may be after the same blood line.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 23/03/2014 14:25

If there are dog thieves around, my answer would be 'Oh, nothing - she's not actually pure bred, believe it or not'

Bahhhhhumbug · 23/03/2014 14:32

Or tell them she's been spayed Bruno whether or not she has , on a similar train of thought.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 23/03/2014 14:34

I've been stopped in the street and asked how much my handbag was. I don't see the difference

ihatethecold · 23/03/2014 14:40

Jeez, why is the op getting such a hard time,
It is rude to stop a person and question how much something cost them.

As for saying someone is unreasonable because they didn't get a rescue.

umiaisha · 23/03/2014 14:42

Agree that you sound very easily offended!

For those that are chastising OP for buying a dog from a breeder and not re-homing one could it possible that a rescue centre would not let her have one so a breeder was her only choice?! I know countless families who have tried to rehome a dog from Battersea etc but have been turned down on account of their children, size of garden etc. I know when I made enquiries into rehoming a cat I was told not to bother trying as DS was considered too young so we got one from a breeder. Just saying..

Original poster

HollyBrrr · 23/03/2014 14:42

Thank you for all the replies, and especially to TheReluctantPrincess and Bruno - I shall add those answers to my arsenal. General consensus seems to be that IABU, so I will wind my neck in. However, a few points to clarify:

It's about twice a week, not twice in total! I don't mind at all when it's part of a discussion either - I've met some really lovely people while out walking and if it comes up naturally in conversation I'm not bothered - it's the people who just call out "How much is your dog?" that have got to me a bit.

I'm not sure why I should be villified for not getting a rescue dog. She's from a very reputable breeder (who's now retired) who's well known for not endorsing the questionable breeding methods that go on at Crufts. Nor is she an 'accessory'. She's a part of our family and we love her because of her personality - her kindness and intelligence. We would still have bought her if she was 'deformed' or not as beautiful as she is because we know that her particular pedigree is renowned for its kind temperament. As long as she's not from a puppy farm or a questionable breeder I think it's VU to be nasty to me about not getting a rescue dog.

However, general point completely taken on board, I shall stop getting paranoid about questions and remain polite. Thank you for the reality check :)

OP posts:

Original poster

HollyBrrr · 23/03/2014 14:43

May also be that I come from a family where finance isn't discussed in public, so I find questions like that a bit forward.

OP posts:

SsimTee · 23/03/2014 16:17

Well, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I most certainly wouldn't be telling anybody on the street how much I paid for our Ridgebacks. I would happily point them towards reputable breeders though. We choose Ridgebacks because it suits our lifestyles. We didn't care about how much they will cost us.

BolshierAyraStark · 23/03/2014 16:36

I think it's more odd than rude tbh, we owned an Akita & used to get stopped by people commenting on how beautiful she was or to enquire as to her temperament, more so if we had DC with us. I can remember only one occasion when I was asked about cost & that was by a traveller-I simply advised she wasn't for sale, easy.

MooMaid · 23/03/2014 16:42

I'd do the same as Bruno suggested just in case anyone is 'on the lookout' and yes, I agree with iahtethecold, so she didn't get a rescue dog - pretty sure that's not what she asked, why the hostility

Abra1d · 23/03/2014 16:47

I think it is an odd question and would be worried about dog theft too.

Famzilla · 23/03/2014 17:02

My friend gets that with her bulldog. She just tells people that the dog was rescued from a puppy farm and so only cost the fees required by the rescue centre. About £100 I think. There's nothing stopping you from saying the same, it reminds people of the cruel reality that is puppy farming too.

longjane · 23/03/2014 17:16

Yes another vote for saying rescues and thinks sheis diva and that she has been done .
Remember piddle crosses go for silly money.

MelanieCheeks · 23/03/2014 18:10

It could be an opportunity to direct them to the local rescue/ rehoming centre, if they were interested in a dog.

I'm a bit miffed now - no-one has ever asked me what my Weimaraner cost!

nicename · 23/03/2014 18:13

We had one of those daft pooches too! Lovely nature but daft as a brush (he used to chase cars...from the front of the vehicle).

Its not rude at all. People love dogs and London is expensive enough without the extra space needed for a dog, and the cots of a pedigree.

Not rude at all.

nicename · 23/03/2014 18:17

Cost not cots. We didn't keep our standard poodle in a cot. Although he would have probably quite enjoyed that.

We have a lovely great dane near us - is it huge even for a great dane. I am sure the owner gets pissed off with me because I cant help saying 'DS, get away from that pony!' every time we see it.

Joysmum · 23/03/2014 18:18

I used to get this about my horse. I never saw it as rude, just people being interested.

I used to say her breed could go for anywhere between x and x depending on x. If I thought the person asking was dodgy, I'd make a pint of saying how cheap mine would be because she's old and has x wrong a total lie but great for putting horse thieves off

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 23/03/2014 19:02

Bugger all wrong with buying from a good, respectable breeder. Heck, if people didn't, it would end up that there would be nobody breeding respectably at all and the only options would be rescued backyard bred fashion cross breeds.

As for the OPs question, deflect, ignore, avoid. Not hard.

MidniteScribbler · 23/03/2014 20:28

I get it a lot, especially if I have all of my dogs with me. Six dogs of an unusual breed in one place tend to get a bit of attention. A lot of people genuinely don't know how much a well bred pedigree costs (and are often pleasantly surprised), and it is a factor in considering what sort of dog to buy. I'd probably be pretty annoyed with someone just outright asking how much the dogs cost, but if it's part of a bigger conversation (what breed, do they need much exercise, etc) then it's ok.

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