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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell you I genuinely have no one

31 replies

AnotherRerun · 22/03/2014 23:59

I don't even know why I'm posting here, it just came into my head. I'm in my early 20s, just graduated from uni and realised I don't really have anyone to turn to. All my uni friends have vanished, having turned against me towards the end for reasons I have yet to discover. My other friends are all busy with their own lives and boyfriends and seem to regards me S an inconvenience, another message to be answered to when they get round to it. No guy has ever shown the slightest bit of interest in me, though I try to be friendly and don't think I look like a troll, I have a stupid part time job and have started freaking out at the thought of meeting new people or going too far from home, but at the same time feel I'm wasting my life as I have been forced to move back go e due to finances, so a, one big failure. I feel sick at the thought of food and to top it all off, my So called DB who I thought I could rely on 100% has for some reason this evening gone totally cold on me, completely ignoring my attempts at conversation and acting like I'm something he just scraped off his shoe, I really do t know what to do and just needed to vent.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 25/03/2014 08:08

Get help from the GP regarding your anxieties and your self esteem.

goodmum123 · 25/03/2014 08:20

Hi rerun.
I'm 37 now and when I think about my close but small circle if friends now they are not those I had when I left uni. After uni I felt similar to you 15 years ago!!!!
I got two little pt jobs in a shop and assisting at a play group. I volunteered at brownies and went back to night school to do an a level just out of interest. I met new people, very different people and I loved that.
Things in life move on and change, try some of the advice in this thread and slowly things will begin to change and alongside your confidence might just begin to grow to.
Good luck, keep talking x

ThatBloodyWoman · 25/03/2014 09:19

Someone upthread had a good point.

If you look at the positives, you are freer than you'll possibly ever be again to select a path with nothing hanging over you.

Take a little time to decide what it is that you want .

The answer isn't necessarily to immediately fling yourself back into the fray. Perhaps it'd be good to also learn how to enjoy some solitude and your own company.It's a good thing to learn, and gives you time to reflect and explore yourself.

Burren · 25/03/2014 10:25

I agree that just after graduation is a tough time for almost everyone, because you've been pushing towards a highly specific goal, and suddenly that's behind you, and you are thrust out of the familiar university environment and people, with concrete hoops you need to jump through at regular intervals - suddenly the world is your oyster, but it can feel isolating and disorienting. You're absolutely not alone in this, and a lot of new graduates these days are in your position, living with a parent for financial reasons, which I imagine causes its own issues.

I agree with others who say stop looking around you and panicking because you feel isolated or directionless compared to others - concentrate on yourself, on deciding on the kind of life you want, and the steps you need to take to get it. As others have said, you currently have the luxury of only having your own wishes to consult, and this is in fact a fabulous boon, though it might be only later on in your life that you recognise that.

I always find that a useful tool at what feels like a bad moment in your life is to imagine a time in the near future when all your anxieties are resolved - in your case, maybe imagine yourself years down the road in a demanding career, perhaps juggling children and a marriage and a crazy commute and house repairs, and barely having time to brush your hair, far less return social phone calls. (Or imagine some other scenario that suits your sense of what you would like your life to be. obviously.) What will you wish then that you had done with this time where you have time to concentrate on yourself, figure out your own goals etc?

And don't flagellate yourself for having lost touch with your university friends - and I don't agree with other posters that your distance from them now means they weren't 'true friends'. Truly, I think lifelong friendships come along for most people as frequently as unicorns - that friendships are time-specific doesn't make them any less real. You may reconnect with these people, or you may not, but don't dismiss them as being delusions on your part. There will be other friendships in your future.

Best wishes, and try to calm down about it all. You have everything going for you.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/03/2014 11:13

you have done fantastically well given you parental situation and their lack of parenting.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/03/2014 11:13

given your.

doh.

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