To not go and ask for this present?

[BlueJean]

I will preface this by saying that I don't get on with my manager.I have no wish to increase the amount of contact we have. I do my job and she does hers. We have nothing else in common and have no conversations outside of work related matters.There is no animosity though, just a working relationship that does not tip over into anything remotely personal or 'fun'. She is confrontational though for no good reason and impossible to have a conversation with as she is always right. I don't speak to her unless I have to.

She went on holiday and has brought back some presents for her colleagues. She sent an email saying colleagues could come to her desk and pick what they wanted from the presents.

I didnt read the email until late in the day and realised I had seen the tacky plastic items in a colleagues desk. I decided to ignore the command as I had no wish to go and be nice just for something I neither wanted or needed.I had of course previously done the decent thing and enquired about the holiday.

She came and asked me a few days later why I hadnt come to fetch my present and wondered if perhaps I didnt want it? I avoided answering her by diverting her attention to a work question I genuinely had.

But I have mentally dug my heels in now and wonder why she doesnt just do as everyone else in the office has ever done in the same circumstances and just doled out gifts by plonking them on the desks and receiving the obligatory effusive thanks. Job done.

AIBU to keep this up(and wait for her to deliver the gift) or should I play nicely and crawl to her to get the prize I do not want?

Our Desks are mere feet apart by the way.

The whole situation sounds a bit weird, but FFS stop prolonging it and go and get your whatever it is. Then the situation can draw to a natural close.

who cares if the manager is being unprofessional? It is hardly going to make your working life easier by being arsey about it. Just smile, suck it up and get on with your job and life.

I would see this as a manager not wanting to not give a gift but not want to spend precious holiday time thoughtfully shopping.

So she has gone into a gift shop and bought enough stuff for everyone.

There is then some people that she doesn't like or don't like her, so she is at a loss how to hand out said gifts.

So she takes an easy route and puts them on her desk and let's everyone know they are there.

Like an assorted box of cakes or biscuits.

How many people have started threads that they have been the last to be handed the crappiest cake/briscuit and has deemed it personal (with enough people agreeing).

You can't do right for doing wrong, as a manager (my Manager DD has this continual shit over nothing)

I love no longer working in an office with all these crappy petty non problems.

I've worked in an office for 20 years and there has never been gift giving as described here.

We have hotdesked for years and personalisation of workspace is discouraged. People bringing in tat to decorate desks sound really old fashioned to me. I HATE hotdesking, the only good things are (1) lack of clutter (2) you sit by different people everyday (or are supposed to).

WTF. Why should you take the gift, why should you be grateful? Why are people suggesting this?

Re the gift, no YANBU, she sounds like a right control freak 'come to my desk children and pick up your gift' fuckoff is what I'd be saying.

YABU however to suggest there isn't any animosity, for there must be and of there wasn't there surely is now.

TBH, I'd try and make this straightforward and just say "no thanks, I don't want the gift." If you want to be really honest about it, you could point out that, as you don't really get on with each other, then it's a bit strange that she even bought you one in the first place - but that's probably not going to help your workplace relationship!

Do you buy her a gift when you go on holiday? Or any of the rest of your colleagues? Is it a "thing" in your office?

The making you go and the gift sounds like the person going is grabby.

If it was a friend emailing would you go and get it without thinking or would you feel I really don't want any rubbish and ignore it?

I think you have had a rough time on this thread and unfairly judged. Don't play her daft game but do be honest about whether it would be different if a friend was doing the emailing.

I would just take something and give it to a charity shop the next time I'm dropping things off. No point in making a point or trying to show indifference with that type of person. You never know whatever you just pick without further thought might surprise you!

Depends on how many gifts were involved. Were there 6 or 60 or more? If there were 60 holiday gifts, I'd invite people to come to fetch. Why on earth bring back gifts from holiday? Is it a way of saying, "Look where I've been"?

I once worked in a smallish office for several years and made enough mince pies for the staff for the last day before the Christmas break. I like baking so it was a pleasure for me. It started at twelve people so a dozen mince pies which I delivered to desks. The company grew......and grew... and I stopped making mince pies when there were so many people that I was making 120 and delivering them. I still make mince pies for neighbours.

It's not just the bringing home of holiday gifts; who spends holiday time combing the shops for things for colleagues? If the OP's colleague buys for staff, I expect she buys for other people relations as well. A persona; e-mailed invitation to collect a gift would have been better than a summons though.

*personal

You were very rude and childish to not answer the question and change the subject.

Sorry, Bunbaker My fingers ran away and, when I got to the end, I thought I had.

As others have said, the OP should just go and fetch, wag her tail wait for a pat on the head and say thank you.

Lots more answers than I expected for this.

There really isnt any outward animosity but she is very hard to get along with. She speaks her mind and has, for example, told a colleague who had a miscarriage that she(the manager) didnt really like children so perhaps she(the colleague) was better off....

She hasnt been my manager for long but has worked in the dept for years so knows what is common practice. There were about 15 presents and they seem to be all the same apart from colours so I have no idea what the song and dance is about.

But yes HappyAgainOneDay maybe I should just go and fetch, wag my tail ,wait for a pat on the head and say thank you just to maintain good office relations.

But it will stick in my craw to do it.

I have no interest in fridge magnets, key rings or whatever tacky holiday shite people bring back from their jolly's. I'd be ever so gracious and polite if handed said shite item but I wouldn't be arsed to go and look for it, if it's meant for me then give it over and stop looking for praise.

YANBU