to think my mum doesnt love me the way I love dd?

[harriet247]

Sorry if this gets long..
Basically Ive always knowmy mum was different to other peoples mums, bit now i have dd its so glaringly obvious :(
Just had another visit from her which made me feel crap. This is the sort of thing she does..
1.will tell anyone who will listen that i was a horrible child, always ill always crying.
2.that i was a thief as a child (this stems from me being caught pinching 40p and a wispa bar.once.)
3.im different to my high achieving sister.
4.that i make up stories from childhood (silly things like going to a restaurant or my friends coat etc that really happened)
5.that i am abusive whem im angry.

1. That me and one other sister needed smacking but our younger sister didnt.

Just looking at my beautiful dd i cant ever imagine saying these things about her. I dont know one cute story about me as a kid.:(
She can be nice and warm when she wants but i just never know who im opening the door to when she visits if that makes sense?
Anyone have any experience of this?

My mum is just like many of the mothers being described here. I swore I'd never be like this with my own children. However I've not been able to have any children. So I can't put right her horrible shit.

It's hard getting over this at the moment.

I just want to reply to no mama from up thread. Sorry if this upsets anyone.

My mum has MH problems, she was hospitalised for them when I was 5. I feel quite protective of her, and she does of me: I now have a few MH issues of my own. She does irritate me, and I do her. We are too similar, we have the same faults.

But I can honestly say that I have never, never felt anything remotely like the heartbreaking situations on this thread.

The reason I'm saying this isn't to gloat but just to offer the view that bad dynamics between mums and daughters are not inevitable.

The determination on this thread to be good parents is inspiring.

Hester, you put it right every time you face down some idiot on mn with your dignified responses. I know that probably doesn't help. But I feel it, and wanted to tell you.

Goodness You have actually just made my day WhatAFeline. Thank you so much :)

My Mum and I have a great relationship, my Dad and I less so. Although there are questions in my mind about how my Mum could/should have intervened/behaved, but in the grand scheme of things it's not worth pursuing.

Few get it right all the time - myself very much included but I try my best.

PS your kittens are actually the most adorable things I've ever seen.

Hester - I hope that, in the future you'll be able to have children, miracles and medical advances happen all the time.

To the others i had exactly the same relationship with my mum, including the not wanting to confront her - truth be told i'm not usually that brave.

Threads like 'stately homes' and books like 'toxic parents' helped. Recently she has developed very severe mental health problems and was sectioned. Afterwards, she ditched all meds and went back to her usual ways of controlling/insulting me and i no longer have time for any of it. I used to think that she should see her grandchilds every X days and have phone calls a couple of times a week and now i think forget it. She pretty much demanded that i leave other half and go and stay with her so that she could know her grandchildren better, - weird huh? but that's mental illness and it isn't always immediately obvious.