If your DH said....

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"I'll take DS out for the day, so you can get on with some work"

What time would you expect them to leave?

Because DH has eventually left at 11.30.
After I had got up at 7.00 with DS, fed him breakfast and a mid morning snack, dressed him, brushed his teeth, played with him, got DH a coffee and chivied him out of bed, packed DS's nappies, change of clothes, snack for later etc..

In my mind I imagined sitting down to some writing around 9 or 10 then having the afternoon free for the housework.
Instead I am sitting down to start at 12.00- having spent the morning getting progressively more and more frustrated at the complete lack of movement from DH and watching the precious hours trickle away. Instead off feeling motivated to start work I feel harried and behind with things.

DH is angry with me for being ungreatful. His parting shot was "You were like this last time I did you a favour. i won't bother doing you any favours in future."

The thing is- i quite often take DS to allow him to get on with stuff and I don't regard it as a "favour." I am pissed off that he would see it this way.

Fume

"For the day" is at least four hours in my book, probably six preferably 9-5.

Glad you've found a sensible solution for next time.

You could perhaps at some point cheerfully say "some men like spending time with their children at the weekend".

Oh and I hope they're not back until tea time!

Yanbu but DH would do the same thing

I had this apparently with ExDP's work colleagues who thought I was a pisstaker by unloading DD onto ExDP, while I went to my only DB's wedding.

1. I'm not entirely sure if his work colleagues said that (hes knows for projecting or bending the truth)
2. My DD has suspected Autism and would hate being around so many people.
3. I'm hardly ever have a night out, I've had about 3 boozy nights out in 5 years.
4. Asking the other parent to look after the child is not unloading nor pisstaking, I believe its called "Co-parenting"

Your DH has a bloody nerve!!!

YANBU op. I agree with just getting on and doing it, I bet if your DH had to work from home he would just get up and start work when he wanted because you'd be looking after DS? That's what you should do.
My DH used to have to work from home sometimes, he would just announce that he was off to do work and off he went to the computer. Sometimes the children wandered in and disturbed them but I tried to keep them out, if they went in he just said "daddy's doing work, go and ask mummy" and ignored them until I came and got them out again.
You don't have to get your ds all ready to go out, your DH can do all that. If you need to work then you need to work and your DH needs to look after ds.

Sorry my post is badly written! I'm basically just agreeing with everyone else.

Well if it were me my dp would have brewed himself up a shit storm as we'd certainly be having a discussion about that!

My DH is exactly the same. Makes me furious! Taking the kids out for a 'day' generally means they leave around noon and get back about 4pm. Aaaaaaaarrrrgggghhh!

OP, you say the housework's not getting done now - but why can't he do it when he gets back?

I think leaving at 11.30 if he doesn't return till late afternoon/early evening counts as "out for the day". We would do that at weekends as we don't want to have to rush about.

And he is doing you a favour by taking DS out of the house so you have total peace and quiet. He could equally have just looked after him in the house (which I suspect you would have found disruptive). I do the same for my DH sometimes and it is a bind to have to be totally out of the house as opposed to being in and out as you please.

redskyatnight I get what your saying. I think DH sees it this way as well.

I think the problem is that I generally get up at 7.00 with Ds- whereas DH often gets a long lie in. When both of us are about DH can stay in bed till midday! So when i think of a "day" I naturally imagine it starting when DS wakes up at 7.00 and continuing from there. Whereas DH imagines it starting much later.

To be fair he did say that, had I specifically asked that he take DS out in the morning then he would have done so.

I think i am a bit resentful of doing all the mornings and it just seems particularly obvious today because I was up and waiting for my bit of the "day" to start.

So-
Normally on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays (when neither of us work) i get up with DS and DH gets up when he feels like it

On Wednesday and Thursday (both work) I normally get up first, sort DS out and then get up DH because he is not a "morning person".

I'm not completely sure what happens on Monday and Tuesday when i am at work and DH has DS.
I think sometimes he gets lucky and DS sleeps in.
The other times, he presumably has to get up relatively early. When i leave they are either both still asleep or else DS is fed, dressed (by me) and in his cot with some toys waiting for DH to rouse himself!

Today I was bringing DH his coffee in bed at 10.00 because i was sick of waiting for him to wake up and take DS out! God knows what time he would have left if i hadn't started the process. I was so angry by then that I started making snippy little comments at DH, which is when he got upset that i was not grateful for his favour (sigh)

It was probably not great communication- I was expecting one thing, he was expecting another, all of it unsaid and both of us pissed off that our expectations were not met.

In other news- the article is now progressing nicely

I think you need to stop allowing your dh to act like an additional child and make him pull his weight wrt getting ds ready. I would make a list of ehat needs to be packed and then leave him to it on days when you work.

Your current system is making you resentful ( and rightly so). Your dh needs reminding that ds is as much his responsibility as yours. So stop enabling him to behave like a bloody teenager.

Favour indeed I'd have ripped his fucking head off

Why on earth is a grown up with responsibilities regularly sleeping until midday? What a waste. Tell him to grow up.

My pennies worth - stop doing everything. You sound like you are looking after 2 children instead of one.

Why the hell are you getting your child dressed and fed and then putting him back into his cot with toys waiting on his father to wake up ??? Stop making it so bloody easy for him. So he gets all the weekend lie ins? That's ridiculous and the whole 'not a morning thing' has always annoyed me, it's just people using an excuse to be slow or lazy. Tell him to have a cup of coffee and just get on with it.

I haven't read all responses yet but my initial thoughts are:

Firstly, if I said I was going to take DC out for the day, I wouldn't necessarily mean from 9/10am and I'd probably end up leaving at the same time as your DP. It's not done to annoy you, but some people just aren't the type to spring into action first thing in the morning. I know I'm not! So your reaction could have come across as a bit arsy.

That said, this 'favour' thing really gets my back up. I'm 9 months pregnant with my first and DP has occasionally mentioned that he fully expects to babysit a good few times in the early days while I get 9 months of not blowing off steam out of my system. My response is always through gritted teeth: "when it's your own child, it's not called 'babysitting', it's called 'parenting'."

Just read further - he's not even awake until late morning most days? ! Not really on as a regular occurrence when you have DC. Shame on him. Separate issue entirely though - if that's a daily thing, I'd have thought it even more likely that he didn't mean they were off out 'for the day' from 9/10am.

Go out to the library and leave him to it!!!! Thats what should have happened x