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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want sister staying?

46 replies

mostlyconfused · 21/03/2014 18:36

My sister has asked can she stay with me one night next week. My mum has a hospital appointment to get some ( possibly bad) results and my sister needs to be somewhere were she can access wifi as her boss won't give her the day off so she needs to be able to work. I said this was fine as long as I wasn't in labour or it was the first day home with the baby. My sister was ok about it but made a point of saying she then wouldn't be able to attend the hospital with my mum. She can't stay with my mum as she doesn't have wifi so she couldn't get any work done. AIBU? I just really don't want anyone around if I'm in labour or just home with a new baby. I feel this is a private time for me and DH. But I know feel responsible for her not being able to attend the appointment. I know I might be getting upset over nothing as I have no clue when the baby will actually come.
My mum has fallen out with me saying I'm being unfair and she wants my sister to be at the appointment with her. I completely understand this but feel my sister should be able to make other arrangements without involving me. There are places she could go to use wifi for example.

Please be honest.

Thanks

OP posts:

whatareyoueventalkingabout · 21/03/2014 19:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Especially if you aren't that close to your sister and you have already said it's fine as long as you aren't in labour.

The only reason she needs to stay with you is wifi. It would be different if yours was the only place she could stay full stop.

I think they are being welfish

whatareyoueventalkingabout · 21/03/2014 19:15

Oops selfish

WottaTheOdds · 21/03/2014 19:23

Oh for the love of mike how can she stay with her uncle in a one bedroomed flat?

I know the MN rules are broadly that the world comes to a standstill for a woman in labour but I really think this is one occasion where you might just suck it up. I had a fair amount of sympathy at the start with you Confused but the wtf has being a private person got to do with the price of cheese here.

That said, I hope things go really well for you tomorrow, or whenever, and I also hope that the news is not bad for your DM

shil0846 · 21/03/2014 19:27

I think you should let her stay. It is certainly not ideal timing for you, but it sounds like your mother really needs your sister and it is only for one night. Might just need to grit your teeth and be selfless on this one.

Hope you resolve it and good luck for the birth.

formerbabe · 21/03/2014 19:35

It's ONE night and she is your sister! YABVU and quite mean.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 21/03/2014 19:40

Your house, and it is up to you who you have stay there. You can say no. I would not risk the fall out with your sister and I do really understand. Everything you have said in your last post just confirms it for me. I don't get this whole 'su casa es ma casa' [sic] thing with some sisters. Can't she stay in a hotel?

MyNameIsKenAdams · 21/03/2014 19:42

Its one night. I wouldnt bat an eyelid.

tbh if I had the space id put any friend or family member up for one night on or around me due date.

id just say "if ive just had dc, I expect regular brews brought to me in bed".

Obviously each to their own, but honestly, one night.

honeybeeridiculous · 21/03/2014 19:44

YABU, just been through hospital appointments with DF and he got bad results (cancer) I was there every step of the way and I know for sure that I would have done anything to make sure He didn't have to go through it alone. I'm sure my bro would say the same, even tho we don't see much of each other, families have to stick together at times like these, it's 1 day FFS

plantsitter · 21/03/2014 19:48

I really don't understand many of the responses on this thread. Why the hell wouldn't somebody want a bit of privacy when in labour or with a v newborn? She hasn't said the sister can't stay, she's said she can't stay if she's IN LABOUR. Surely your sister should say 'fair enough - I'll book a hotel if you're in labour.

All you who have hosted families of refugees in your spare room while calmly popping out a sprog in the next: not everyone can be as amazing as you. Here's your medal.

SallyMcgally · 21/03/2014 19:54

What plantsitter said. I don't really see why her house is the only place her sister can get wifi. That's ridiculous. And who wants an audience when giving birth? Come to that, who actually wants to be in the same house as someone giving birth unless you're one of he parents or a medical professional? Your sister IBU. Your DM is too, though understandable in her case.

WottaTheOdds · 21/03/2014 19:57

Why the hell wouldn't somebody want a bit of privacy when in labour or with a v newborn?

wanting it is totally reasonable, but sometimes circumstances conspire otherwise which is what seems to be going on here, and it is equally reasonable for DM to be wanting support. It's not as if she is asking OP to provide it while giving birth/nursing a newborn, just to make it easier for her sister to do so.

myroomisatip · 21/03/2014 19:58

Well, since your second post I do not think YABU.

There is no reason why your sister cannot get a dongle, if she can't afford it then Mum can, or even you could offer since it would be preferable to having your sister stay.

Do as you wish. If you do not want your sister staying that is absolutely fine under your circumstances. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty about your choice. There is nothing wrong with wanting your privacy.

You won't get this time again. And I know from experience that having it spoiled can breed resentment.

MaryWestmacott · 21/03/2014 20:07

Actually, you are still definately not being Unreasonable - she has other options that don't involve staying with a woman who's about to have a baby!

She could stay with your mum, go to the appointment with her, and then work at your uncles during the rest of the working day. She could stay with your mum, go to the appointment with her and work at a coffee shop or pub with free wifi during the rest of the working day. She could book into a Travelodge or B&B with free wifi, and use that during the day.

She has lots of other options, she prefers staying at your house and is effectively blackmailing you that you are a bad daughter if you don't do what is her prefered option, because it'll be all your fault she won't go to the appointment when she could quite easily solve the problem in a way that doesn't involve staying the night at the house of a sister who's likely to either be in labour or have a newborn. Does she get that if you have a newborn in the house, even if you let her stay, it's hardly going to be a relaxing full night's sleep followed by working in a calm, quiet location?!? (I assume she doesn't have DCs herself)

Stick to your guns, perhaps point out some of her various other options to her and then leave it to her if she decides that the only place in the whole area she can possibly stay and work is your house.

eddielizzard · 21/03/2014 20:09

yanbu

i wouldn't want people staying if i were in labour. although i had all dh's family with my no. 2 didn't enjoy that.

i think you've done well. she can stay as long as it's not first day or you're in labour. perfectly reasonable. she can make other arrangements if that's the case.

your mum can't do with the aggro, but nor should you. put your sister in the picture wrt what happened last time so she's more understanding.

MaryWestmacott · 21/03/2014 20:09

Also, it's not like you've said definately no, just not if you are actually in labour or have had a baby the day before, if you have the baby tonight, then I'm assuming you'd be happy for her to stay next week. (Although again, I think she's underestimating how much noise a newborn makes!).

It's not unreasonable to ask her to make a back up plan.

Mouthfulofquiz · 21/03/2014 20:12

Can she not stay in a hotel nearby and use their wifi??

CSIJanner · 21/03/2014 20:47

Personally, i think YANBU. Youve not said no outright - youve just put conditions on her staying. where's her backup plan? Premier inn and holiday inns do deals with wifi. I understand your mum needs support but FFS there are other options available. How much work does she expect to do if you're in labour and screaming?

HumphreyCobbler · 21/03/2014 20:51

How could anyone consider you unreasonable? I can't believe the replies on this thread. I mean, how dare you want some privacy when you are in labour?

As you have said yes unless you are in labour or it is your first day with a newborn I don't see what their problem is.

Original poster

mostlyconfused · 21/03/2014 20:54

All is solved!

I spoke to her again and asked could she check with our uncle if she could use his wifi. She would stay with our mum and then go over to my uncles in the morning to work before the appointment. He only lives a 10 minute walk away.

She said she would do that or stay with her friend. I had completely forgotten she has a close friend who lives 10 minutes from me. She often stays with her at weekends anyway. Plus her friends house would be empty as everyone would be out at work or school.

Thanks for all the responses and advice. I know I tend to go off the deep end when my sister is involved.

OP posts:

littlebluedog12 · 21/03/2014 22:50

Good to hear it's all sorted out!

yegodsandlittlefishes · 21/03/2014 23:11

Oh I am glad. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and the birth is everything it should be and that you and your baby will be well looked after.

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