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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don't know what to do about my friend and her drama...

50 replies

dannychampionoftheworld · 21/03/2014 15:27

I've known her a few years. She is great fun and very funny but loves drama. Last night we were in the pub with others, including some people from my work, including my boss. There were about 8 of us and for a while I was chatting to my boss. It's quite an informal work environment so we were laughing and joking about something.

When we left, my friend rushed up to me and said 'Oh my God, what's going on with you and X?'. I said nothing, we were just talking. She said 'No, I can tell - he is REALLY into you. Are you going to do anything about it?'. FWIW, I am sure he has no interest in me, has got a girlfriend, I am getting married next year. She refused to accept it.

Today she has been badgering me with texts asking me about it. The texts have got increasingly tetchy, with her saying stuff life 'You'd better hope [his girlfriend] doesn't find out about this', then when I said there was nothing going on 'Oh, it's alright for you, EVERYONE is ALWAYS in love with you.' This is not true in the slightest, I am not that flirty, I have been with the same guy for 3 years, had a couple of boyfriends before that. I am far from femme fatale material tbh. She has got a habit of acting like she is jealous of me when she honestly has no reason to be.

I have told her to quit it, but I am worried. She seems to be blowing this up into a massive deal and I'm worried she might start telling people this fiction (she has hinted that she will) and it could cause trouble.

WWYD?

OP posts:

cerealqueen · 21/03/2014 22:30

Well if you thought she wasn't jealous here is evidence she is. She'd like to wreck your life.

Original poster

dannychampionoftheworld · 21/03/2014 22:35

I don't think she wants anything from me, I can't think of anything and she hasn't mentioned it...

She seems to genuinely believe what she's saying but maybe I'm being naive and she is just a shit-stirrer. She is very interested in sex/relationships in a kind of discuss every detail type of way. I'm not really OK with that, especially talking about my boyfriend because I think it's a bit tacky and unfair to him.

So do people think that it would be reasonable to just completely not be friends with her anymore, ignore texts, delete from FB etc? It wouldn't be cruel?

OP posts:

IAmNotAMindReader · 21/03/2014 22:39

Of course it wouldn't be cruel. She's threatening to tell a fantasy she's created in her own head to anyone who will listen that could fuck up yours and your bosses relationships with your significant others and potentially get you both the sack.

Original poster

dannychampionoftheworld · 21/03/2014 22:42

She hasn't actually threatened to tell, I'm just worried that she might. Also, it's not really likely that anyone would take it that seriously. My boyfriend already doesn't really get on with her... But yeah, those things aren't the point. She is making my life trickier than it needs to be.

OP posts:

greenfolder · 21/03/2014 22:46

she is being a shit stirrer.

drop her gradually if needs be.

Mrswellyboot · 21/03/2014 22:47

It wouldn't be cruel but you may fee guilt. I cut a long term friend off as she was insinuating things about dh etc, mixed up facts, was far too nosey and intrusive.

Drama llama is the correct term.

I don't regret it but am sad about it, some people are not 'bad' bit a bit mixed up, but I don't have the time or patience.

rollonthesummer · 21/03/2014 22:50

I'd tell her that you'd told your boss and boyfriend what she's been saying and how funny they both thought it was! I'd tell them both, too.

StrawberryGashes · 21/03/2014 23:15

Tell your fiancé what she's been saying just incase she tries to involve him, then drop her, gradually if you think that's best. She doesn't sound like a friend.

bochead · 21/03/2014 23:51

If a so-called friend was threatening to destroy both my personal life and career I wouldn't be fretting about her feelings.

FFS - she is your enemy!!!!!!!!!

Tell your man and your boss about her nonsense - thereby calling her bluff totally. Only tell them once - you are a perfectly reasonable human being - she is the drama llama. Follow through on that protecting that which you hold dear by dropping her with immediate effect. That means going total no contact - facebook, your phone etc all have a BLOCK facility so use it.

Anyone in your social circle asks you why you've dropped her - "I do
not care for drama llamas who spread malicious fairy tales, full stop". Do not repeat yourself, or get drawn into any 20 question sessions under any circumstances.

Let her join an am dram society if she feels the need for false drama, not inject it into real people's lives in such a hurtful way.

Original poster

dannychampionoftheworld · 22/03/2014 00:23

OK - if you block someone on FB, does that mean they will never be able to find you again using the search function?

OP posts:

immortalwife · 22/03/2014 00:41

Yes she won't see any posts likes or anything that you post anywhere on Facebook at all let alone search for you

immortalwife · 22/03/2014 00:43

You won't be able to see hers either. Just to clarify.

She sounds like a right noo-noo. Tell your DP and boss to cover yourself when she starts spreading her vile lies.

Mrswellyboot · 22/03/2014 00:48

You will have to block them messaging you, if you want to do that.

Salmotrutta · 22/03/2014 01:14

I think, FWIW, if someone is spreading lies/speaking out of turn that asking them naive-seeming passive-aggressive questions is a reasonable strategy.

For example: someone asks "Ooh, Why were you out with X last night?"

You say: (Bewilderedly) "Oh - I have been analysing finances".

That would shut up quite a few people.

ladymariner · 22/03/2014 01:26

I'd tell her that you'd told your boss and boyfriend what she's been saying and how funny they both thought it was! I'd tell them both, too.

^. This

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/03/2014 01:37

"Is she just more trouble than she's worth? This isn't the first time... CuChullain - think you might be right."
Not the first time - could you use that? Bring it up and point out that she was wrong then and she's wrong now?

Regardless, I'd be distancing myself from her, for all the reasons already mentioned here.

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2014 01:49

I agree you should drop her, but maybe not like a hot brick.

She loves drama and is making up shit as she goes along, totally blocking her out might make her see it as evidence that she's right and she'll go into overdrive and shout a bit louder to anyone who'll listen.

I'd also be a bit cautious calling her bluff by telling everyone too, you have no idea how they could react long term. They might be OK with it at first to your face, but you don't want a seed of doubt being sown with your boss or your DP. I'm not saying it would be, but you can't account for what they might think privately afterwards.

She sounds awful, just threatening to start telling other people on its own is totally out of order.

Just out of interest though and genuinely not in a shitty way, when you say 'I am not that flirty' does that mean you could be a bit 'flirty' at times?

007licencetostandonamolehill · 22/03/2014 07:57

Text back 'you are so funny, totally off your rocker!! I wish I was as imaginative as you'

007licencetostandonamolehill · 22/03/2014 07:59

Don't tell your boss. Talk to your partner though and say how awful she's been

ViviPru · 22/03/2014 08:01

I'm with CuChullain. Who needs this shit? I simply would not entertain maintaining a friendship with someone who is routinely irksome like this. Phase her out.

RedHelenB · 22/03/2014 08:12

Are you 100% certain that how you are with your boss might not come across as flirty to others?

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 22/03/2014 08:17

She has nothing to tell, nothing has happened. If she spreads rumours then she is a nasty gossip.

Original poster

dannychampionoftheworld · 22/03/2014 16:18

I don't really know whether it would have appeared flirty to others. I am generally described as 'aloof' more than anything. We were laughing about something amusing, maybe that looks flirty? I picked up no flirting vibes from him.

I have already told my boyfriend - 'X thinks that Y fancies me' and he sort of shrugged

OP posts:

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 22/03/2014 16:37

If she hadn't have thrown a spotlight on it then you wouldn't be questioning and examining how you behaved or how it may have looked.

Personally I wouldn't respond to any more of her texts, she sounds very immature and dramatic.

BookABooSue · 22/03/2014 18:01

Did you reply to all her texts? I would have replied jokingly to the first one saying she was completely wrong and then just ignored the rest. It sounds like your protesting has piqued her interest in a 'the lady doth protest too much' style. Forget it and move on.

I wouldn't bother unfriending her on FB. She got the wrong idea. You've told her. You've also told your bf (although it seems you told your bf that she thought your boss fancied you not that she thought you were both flirting) so let it all go. Don't mention it to your boss. Don't turn it into a big showdown with your friend. Otherwise you will be inflaming the situation.

As a previous poster said, don't invite your friend to any more work events and consider if you do want to socialise with her at all.

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