To think i am a two faced cunt, and weak and pathetic to boot

[LEMmingaround]

So there is this woman at school, part of me thinks she is wonderful, would love to be like her etc, the other part of me (the correct part) thinks she is a shallow cunt who is a crap parent (although she tries she just gets it wrong) and will walk over anyone to get what she wants.

So why why WHY do i smile and chat and feel privaliged if she deigns to talk to me. OK so i am not hip and trendy, fashionable and thin etc - but this is really niggling me and its got to come out.

I have always wanted to join a book club - so when she said she was joinging one i said as much. Her response was, let me check it out first hun" i mean really, hun??? i should have realised at this point shouldn't i Anyway, she never mentioned me going again but would regale us with stories of how brilliant it is etc. So anyway, there is another mum at the school and she has invited her along - and this is where the two faced pathetic thing comes along - saying how excited she was about going to the book club, i said "oh is this your book club thing" yeah yeah, going on about how great it was - i just smiled weakly and said it sounds like a laugh. Instead of saying - oh but you made it pretty bloody clear you didn't want me to join, why is that? don't i fit in with the image?

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME - so I thought, ok, bollocks to her, she will get a nod and a hello, im done, can't be bothered etc - her choice yadda yadda - but there i am at the school gate offering sympathetic comments because her dd was playing her up. When i secretly think, this is because the poor kid has got a shit life where you put your work before her (she does, this isn't anti-working mum, most WOHM that i know work for their families, but i get the distinct impression that family comes second) and your rows with your ex and your new men within 6 months of him leaving, no wonder she has an attitude. But no, im all smiles whilst im churning away these thoughts inside.

I'd never share them with anyone else (Apart from here and with my DP) but i need to grow the fuck up don't i?

I wouldn't mind but i wouldn't actually WANT to join the book club now (churlish) as they are not my kind of people, its just the thought of not being good enough if that makes sense.........

two faced
weak
petty

Can I join your pub meeting book club. That sounds like a laugh! Do we get to take it in turns to pick the book so someone can steer me away from my Jodi Picoult obsession each time?

I personally class two faced as going out your way for that person and then slagging them off behind their backs. For instance I take my son to the same school as my partners ex (mother to his children ) and whilst I can't stand her I will say hi to her when I see her and make small talk. However ,I don't go out my way to do any favors for her or invite her round for a cuppa etc... It's just easier to be amicable (and more mature ) than blanking eachother ,or worse. Besides ,the feelings mutual ,lol.
Two faced is when you text your partners ex thanking her for the offer of the baby clothes when partner and I were expecting ,and her replying "that's perfectly fine ,Hun. If you need anything let me know xxx". And then my brother coming in 5 minutes later showing me a rant on Facebook about us (she forgot he was on her friends list ). Fine ,we don't expect you to be overjoyed with the situation BUT just being amicable with suffice ,there's no need to be overly helpful and friendly !!

*will ,not with

Hate hate hate 'hun'......

Library will be able to give you details of all book clubs in area, - most won't meet in the library (I asked in our library and joined one that meets in the snug of a local hotel - we eat a lot of cake and drink a lot of coffee before we get anywhere near talking about the book ) but lots of them meet in pubs/peoples houses/other nice places.

In the words of my therapist (helping me move on from STBXH running off with a tart younger woman) why does the opinion of the one person who doesn't value you count more with you than the opinions of all the many people who do? I am learning to say 'fuck them' and you can too

There was one mum like this at school who used to love looking down her nose at me, as the harried, shouty, unkempt, unorganized, (sometimes) greasy haired one!! She would say things like 'stressed are we!!' I was struggling at that time. She was immaculate and breezed in looking like a model (before the phrase yummy mummy was invented!). I then found out that as well as having an affair, she treated her DH with distain (I saw and heard it) her parents had her DCs all weekend from fri to mon!! Used to be a bit jealous if I'm honest...but fast forward 15 years and her whole family has fallen apart, her Dh left her (had enough I suspect) and saddest thing, both her Dc don't want to know her. I would never wish that on anyone but OP, just don't feel as inferior as she would have you believe you are. Head high and all that and wait....

what sapphire moon says

we all think weird fucked up shit, sorry but we do

dont beat yourself up !

You're just being polite (Hun)
You sound lovely she sounds a twunt

Please try not to berate yourself op. The more you do the more you will keep to this woman. It's insecurity thing, when you then self loath like this you become more insecure, you cling to the safe 'upsets' and sometimes seek them out because to you feel you deserve to berate yourself and feel shit.

So stop the berating right now. Draw q line under past behaviour and decide how to go forward. Counselling may help your insecurity but distance yourself from this woman. You may not be ready to do a true fuck you blow off but nod hello and walk on. If she tries to stop you then say you can't stop.

Oh Gawd, I used to have a person like this in my life. Friend of a friend, a bit older than me, very exotic, glamorous and beautiful, vivacious, multi-lingual, charming, popular, married to a high earner, sophisticated, chic, great company, a real social butterfly - also quite choosy about her friends. This is all on top of being disloyal, bitchy, shallow, judgemental, vain, stingy, amoral and snobbish.

I sat next to her at a dinner organised by our mutual friend one night and we hit it off immediately, to the extent that she declared me to be her 'new best friend' and started calling me to go out several times a week (I was single then, in my 20s, she was in her 30s). She'd often be an hour late leaving me sitting like a lemon in restaurants and bars, I'd be seething and rehearsing everything I was going to say to her - until she walked in, when I'd immediately forgive her.

I soon realised that she had a string of men on the go, but I'm ashamed to say I made excuses for her as she'd married at her husband's insistence in order for her to stay in the country where I live. One morning her husband turned up at my door at 6.30 in the morning - she'd told him she was staying at mine so she could stay overnight with some bloke she worked with.

Two things made me see the light. She became jealous of my good relationship with our mutual friend and started telling me negative things that my friend had said about me. She was also furious when I got involved with a guy she fancied despite her having set me up with him - I think he was supposed to reject me in favour of her. She simply couldn't believe that anyone would choose me over her, married or not.

Mutual friend and I both ditched her and patched things up. Sorry about the long post, just meant to say, don't feel you're two-faced, some people just have that effect, until one day it suddenly wears thin!

Actions speak louder than words - I always think you may not be able to control how you feel but you can how you behave! Saying that, I would try and tactfully withdraw from her as I know how nasty it is to be 'friends' with a person like this.

Book clubs are surely just another excuse for a group of women to meet up socially, no different from a pub darts team or a flower arranging club. Nothing special really. If you enjoy reading don't spoil a good book listening to other women trying to impress by taking it apart. Particularly if the book list is crap.

Wish i could say all the things i actually thought in my head, unfortunately i would have been locked up either by the police or some establishment that have white jackets that do up behind you....i keep my mouth and evetything closed now. BIG BROTHER is out there and i wish i could say fuck them all but i have kids n grand kids that i care about and i dont want them hurt

Brilliant, loved the explanation, i hopeyour over the ordeal and i do think you should write books because your writing is great x