To not want to eat at the same time as my 2-year old?

[mowmylawn]

I've always been a late eater - breakfast around 10/10.30, lunch around 2/2.30 and dinner whenever I can be arsed to make it (we save some each night for DD's dinner the next day). My 2-year old eats at 5.30pm (well I say eats...) and I'm still full from lunch then. Either my husband or I will sit with her of course but she doesn't see us eating except for the weekends. Apparently she will become a feral runaway since we don't have a family meal together every night. AIBU to think that's a load of crap? I'm pregnant and if I eat at 5.30pm I will want to have a second go at it before bedtime.

you can eat when you like but I work with preschoolers and the ones who are fussy eaters and the ones who have NP table manners ate the ones that don't have family mealtimes
just saying
and yes, I do know, because I ask

I didn't eat with dd as I was like you, having mealtimes later as I couldn't stomach food so early in the morning. Child and toddler mealtimes have to sync with school/nursery mealtimes so they have early breakfast, early lunch and early supper so they get to bed at a sensible time.

Once they're older it all works out. I still have my first food sometime after 10am while dd has hers around 7.30am. We all sit down together for supper between 7.30 and 8.00. This has been the situation since dd was about 8yo.

Don't worry about it, mowmylawn.

I go against the grain and say yabu. You could at least try one meal with her. Plus a later breakfast won't work when she goes to school.

Mealtimes are important - a chance to chat to her, teach her table manners by modelling good behaviour etc etc. It won't kill you.

I will add, we have breakfast every morning with our two and at the weekends we have breakfast and lunch. Never tea as that is too early for us but they eat together.

I eat breakfast and lunch with DS. If I eat separately he likes to help me. But we have dinner when DS gas gone to bed as DH doesn't get in til later.

I was bought up in a family where we all ate together, and think that its pretty important, time to share info about the day, plus everyone eats the same (within reason), no fussiness allowed.

I am an early eater though, want food the minute my eyes open. So breakfast by 8 at the latest (and by then I'm chewing tge table), I manage to hang on for a midday lunch, dinner at 5.30...I don't understand these people who eat late as I can't sleep with a belly full of food?

Oh and I have been complimented on my kids excellent behaviour while eating out. ..and I think eating together has contributed to this

We only eat dinner together at weekend, and perhaps lunch at weekend also.

We are busy getting DC/ourselves ready when they have their breakfast on school days, they help themselves to breakfast on weekends as they get up earlier than us. They are STARVING when they get in from school, and have their dinner early, 3pm ish. (They prefer spend time playing at lunch at school, and only eat tiny lunch).
I do sit and have a cup of tea and chat with them while they eat their dinner. Or I may even have lunch with them at this time. But DH is still at work.

But once or twice a week is better than nothing.

How do you manage at work? Do you get a 'breakfast hour' at 10.30?

If you both work it's just not practical to all eat together during the week in my experience. Dd is 2.8, she has breakfast at home before nursery but DH and myself eat at work usually. She then has all her meals at nursery. At weekends we all have breakfast and lunch together but never dinner, she eats at 5 and that's far too early for us. I couldn't make it later as she then has bath and bed for 7. I really wouldn't worry about it, she's an excellent eater and has pretty good table manners, well for a toddler!!

I would get too grumpy during bath/bed routine if I was hungry! Depends what works for your family and whilst I have always liked family mealtimes, I don't think it matters if you're sitting with them but not eating. It just sounds like a lot more work to me doing the prep and cleaning twice each meal.

The only thing I question is wanting to eat separately for the 'peace' - I've never found eating with my toddler stressful/irritating unless it's been a lengthy meal out that he hasn't had the patience for. But I don't really see how normal family meals together are so stressful that it necessitates eating separately.

We changed our eating habits so we sit down with dd (2) most nights. It wasn't hard and actually means I get more time with dh after 7 when she's in bed whereas before I would only be starting to cook then. It's also not great weight wise to be eating big meals late on. If you change your routine you'll find that you will want to eat breakfast when dd gets up too!

I think it's one of those things where you have to go with the flow. We rarely ate with DS when he was a pre-schooler as he ate early and DH works late - it just didn't marry up. On the days I was home with him we ate lunch together, but I was completely 'meh' about dinner.

Now he's 8 he can obviously eat later, and DH makes a real effort to be home early twice a week so we can all eat together. Sometimes he only manages the once though. But then DS now has two evening activities where he has to eat at 5.30 - so it's all fluid.

Basically, we eat together when we can, I do think it's important, but not important enough to cancel evening activities or have DH change jobs!

CrohnicallyChanging the nursery seemed to be quite happy about it as well! DT2 doesn't talk much yet (the other one shouts "DOWN! DOWN!" to be let out of the high chair when she's finished) so I suppose it makes sense it's her signal.

Rice though, is a different story. I think they all see the rice and they think, I know I shouldn't, but it looks SO pretty all over the floor...

We rarely eat all together as DP gets in so late.

4yo DD's table manners are impeccable.

Don't worry about it.

I've always sat with mine and had a glass of wine cup of tea while they eat. My Dp usually gets home too late even now for us all to eat together most nights, so I have dinner with him later.

Mind you, now they are 13 and 18 they often come scavenging while we have our later dinner and they sit with us hoovering up the leftovers/having a cup of tea/dominating the conversation..........

jellyandcake do you have one DC? I have 2, and they can wind each other up at the table sometimes and it does get stressful. I can eat with one of them at the table, it is trickier with 2. I can still eat ofcourse but not as relaxing. My DCs are 3 and 5.
I prefer to eat on my own, it's one of those things that is very important to me, eating in peace. I get the rage if I am interupted whilst eating and I'd rather go hungry than eat like that, especially in the evenings. I do eat with the DCs though sometimes, and once a week I'm at home with DC2 and I always eat with the DCs then, all 3 meals, plus at the weekends we eat together most meals. During the evenings even if I am not eating with them, DH does eat with them and I have a cup of tea at the table.

I don't think the grow-up-feral warnings are referring to 2 year olds, it's more when they're 10-plus. I eat approx half the week with dcs because I'm trying to teach them some manners and because I don't want to cook two meals or eat too late, the other half not (when we have childcare). They are completely feral, but I don't think lack of family mealtimes are to blame . It's not a big deal.

It's your life and you can choose to eat when you want so YANBU.

For me it's all about what's important to you and what you can manage in your family circumstances. Some parents work shifts/work late and so can never get to eat dinner with their kids.

I was brought up in a household where dinner was on the table at 5pm and everyone had to be there to eat it (5 kids). DH's family was the same (but only 2 kids). Before DS1 came along, we used to watch dvds while having our tea on our lap :-)

However, as soon as he started weaning, we got out the dinner table and have ate with him for every dinner. We can manage it as we both work standard hours with a small commute and it's somethign that is important to us, as much for the social aspect as anything else. I want my children to know that meals are more than just food (if you know what I mean).

But you might have different priorities so what suits me isnt going to suit you. Also, when I was pg with DS2, i had horrendous ms for months, so i didnt eat tea with him at all for about 2 months, however, DH did, so he still had that social 'meal sharing' aspect.

Good point Mockingbird and once we start weaning DC2 I may well find that to be the case!

I wouldnt worry too much, I think the problems can arise when dc's have no table experience or any code of behaviour at a meal time, if they can sit at the table and eat properly alone then that's a skill being practiced, whether you are eating too or not.
Eating off laps in front of telly or getting up running round pulling toys out and then going back for more food and running off with it in their mouths is where the future problems lie.