To think this is a bit sick

[monkeynuts123]

A friend of mine told me that when her daughter refused to stay on at school and do her A'Levels, my friend, her mother, didn't kiss her for a year. This woman said she was so furious with her daughter that she didn't kiss her hello, goodbye or nothing for a year. Seriously, that's some passive aggression! It has somewhat put me off this friend and seems a bit excessive to me. She said her daughter was devastated about this at the time.

That's horrible. Although a more suitable 'punishment' for my 16/17 year old would be to insist on giving him a kiss every day. Preferably in front of his mates .

But in all seriousness, to purposefully deny your child (of any age) affection is very hurtful & totally out of proportion.

Did the poor girl want to get a job instead so she could get away from her passive aggressive, fucked up mother?

What a horrible woman

The girl just really didn't want to do her A'Levels and promised her mum she would go to university when she was older if her plan didn't work out. She wanted to do an apprenticeship in something hands on and she's really made a success of it, she's a lovely girl. The mum just told me this like it was no big deal, I was horrified really.

Are her actions out of love or control? If you don´t do as I say I'll withdraw my love? This bodes not well for the future!

I suppose if that was their thing it was cruel. I haven't kissed teenage DS since he was 7 or 8 years old though. Is that abnormal?

It's not abnormal Gatorade but I do think it's important to maintain physical affection as it's another source of connection in a relationship. It's hard to regain that closeness again at a later stage.

Oh she kissed her daughter until her daughter said she wasn't doing A'levels, then the mum withheld affection for a year, a whole year!

Sounds like a blessing. Who'd want a kiss from an idiot like that?

It has somewhat put me off this friend

I 'cooled' a friendship over something that involved my friend and her daughter, I don't think you are unreasonable. Generally, friends have simular values.

YANBU. That's an awful way to react. The poor girl is basically still a child - that kind of treatment can affect a person long-term. No, pissed off though you might be, it's appalling and cruel.

Sounds like a very strange woman to me..what kind of mother behaves like that? How utterly ridiculous and hurtful. God aren't some people such bloody weirdos.

Cruel.

Beyond strange to do it, poor girl on the end of that behaviour and even stranger to tell people, what kind of reaction was the mother expecting?

It's one thing to not be physically affectionate and quite another to withhold affection as a punishment. How cruel hearted.

It's actually shocking, that's one screwed up individual.

That's well weird.

If I was the daughter I'd tell her to shove your bloody kisses and she wouldn't be getting anymore herself. She wouldn't get any birthday cards, gifts or Mother's Day presents either

My mum hasn't kissed or hugged me since I was 10.

Should I be worried?

That's really sad. It's not the actual kissing, it's that it's a normal gesture the mother uses to signify her affection and to suddenly withdraw that because she disapproves of her daughter's life choices is cruel and mean.

Poor girl :(

That's terrible, Your children don't exist to live your dreams or to give you boasting fodder for your friends. If they choose to do something different to what you would, well, that's their choice. You can guide and advise at this age but if they ultimately choose a different path a good parent respects that (and is there for the child if it goes wrong).

To withhold affection is beyond controlling and I think I might be rethinking the friendship too.

I think I will cool off the friendship. Also she was under a tribunal at work for bullying another colleague which she has denied but her treatment of her daughter has made me think the allegations are probably true.

My mum used to (and still does) withhold affection when she is cross. I remember sitting in class in school crying because she didn't give me a kiss goodbye. It's an absolutely awful method of punishment

Anydrink that's so sad. The allegations at work were that she was bullying a workmate by ignoring her, I'm beginning to think it is probably true.

She sounds awful, poor poor girl. I physically could not do that, it would be so hard, sounds like she found it easy. Shows what type of person she is.