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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about inbreeding?

54 replies

DancesinPuddles · 19/03/2014 17:54

So, my SIL and her wife have a lovely daughter. She was conceived using sperm they obtained from an enterprising young man on the internet who is paying his way through university by selling his 'product'. Not the way I would go about it but hey ho, each to their own.
However, during a recent conversation I discovered that he has now fathered at least 23 children. AIBU to find this a bit worrying? No one else in my family seems to think so. I did raise the question of how they would ensure the siblings didn't meet and breed - apparently they are all going to have a list of their half siblings to refer to. Am I crazy? I feel like I've entered a parallel universe during these conversations!

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 19/03/2014 20:17

No it's no where like 33% - something like 1.7% - 3.3%would be seriously worrying if it was that high!

Lambstales · 19/03/2014 20:26

LEM does your DD know who her father is, or is he on the birth certificate?

LEMmingaround · 19/03/2014 20:33

What has that got to do with the price of fish?

Lambstales · 19/03/2014 20:35

Then she would know if she was ever in a relationship with a half sibling.

LEMmingaround · 19/03/2014 20:35

Birds thats some seriously flawed statistics

LEMmingaround · 19/03/2014 20:36

Read my post again....

Lambstales · 19/03/2014 21:00

DD1 doesn't know her father. Daresay there are siblings.

How is she to know though?

LEMmingaround · 19/03/2014 21:03

So the point of your question is??

Lambstales · 19/03/2014 21:08

If, as the OP states, that the father is unknown. There will be a chance of incest (however small) it is there.

LEMmingaround · 19/03/2014 21:13

Well im not going to lose any sleep over it.

BerniceBroadside · 19/03/2014 21:16

Definitely a problematic way of obtaining sperm, but the risk of incest will be minimal.

Sharaluck · 19/03/2014 21:16

I would worry about it and definitely wouldn't want it for my own dc.

I hope the list they have is up to date.

LEMmingaround · 19/03/2014 21:19

Bernice yes you're right. There are far greater risks involved. A friend of mine concieved via ai. She doesn't know I know so cant ask her but it cost her ££££ and it was allabove board im told.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/03/2014 01:45

caitlin17

That is no longer the case the rules changed in 2009

www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/page/knowndonor/16/

I knew I had seen it on here the last time we had a donor thread.

softlysoftly · 20/03/2014 01:57

By "the dad wants them all to meet" do you mean your brother?

Because if you mean the sperm doner I'd be a whole lot more concerned that he is involved to that level with no legal processes of protection in place!

mrswishywashy · 20/03/2014 02:20

This is one of the main reasons that my wife and I are using a clinic although very tempting to go online and get sperm cheap that way. I think the risk is there some donors are treating it as a competition and I know two who have at least 50 children each. Through a clinic the child will have some way of finding out donor number however this is not possible with random sperm off the internet. What if the well intentioned donor died without leaving any record of donor children? The risk is there however small but I'm not willing to risk it. Also some of these super donors don't tell their wifes/partners which is unfair and there is a risk of donor asking for parental access.

comfitt · 20/03/2014 02:38

softly the OP is discussing a same sex couple

softlysoftly · 20/03/2014 03:12

Ooops sorry missed that, in which case very worrying! Where do they stand legally if he decides he wants to play dad? !

comfitt · 20/03/2014 03:15

It does all sound a bit boundary-less

Calamityoncrutches · 20/03/2014 04:19

This could happen anyway though surely. If a man is one of those who jumps from partner to partner. If he was a bit of a player he may get a reputation but if it was 20 years time and he had moved away how would people who meet know they were connected biologically both by the same man.

Surely if you knew your dd was conceived by x and met a man who also was brought up by just his mum it may come up in conversation and surely that would be the same for sperm donors children. Both mothers would know their child was conceived using sperm by somebody from the internet who was at uni in 2012 in Bristol etc and therefore they would suggest genetic screening.

Birdsgottafly · 20/03/2014 06:45

My post should have read "up to a third might not have the father they think they do".

Although it is now a lot less. I'm in my 40's, I can remember tales from my Nan and other women of that generation about girls (from previous generations) who had children by their male relatives, usually their Dad, because they had no choice but to put up with rape etc.

We needed the Anti-Incest Laws because Incest was taking place, which resulted in pregnancy, obviously.

I know quite a few people who have named a man who isn't/turned out not to be the bio dad.

In some areas people don't know that they are related.

My point was that this isn't a new problem, or even a problem at all. Although not a nice thought, I doubt that some genetic mutation is about to happen.

Catsize · 20/03/2014 08:41

Of course it happens without the sperm donation issue. Locally, two half siblings were in a sexual relationship. Only the GP surgery staff knew they were related, as some had worked there long enough to remember each sibling being born to the same jack the lad father. That led to some interesting ethical issues!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/03/2014 08:48

It's fairly simple to get a test to check you are not related

Catsize · 20/03/2014 09:04

Have you always done that with your partners needs? Wonder on which date that suggestion would crop up. Smile

Original poster
DancesinPuddles · 20/03/2014 09:37

That's an interesting link needs, my SILs are married so that would seem to say that the donor would have no parental claim.
It is the donor who wants them all to get together. He has met my niece, there is a photo of him holding her, but I get the impression it's a boasting thing, like mrswishywashy is talking about, rather than an attempt to have regular contact.
catsize that's exactly what I'm wondering - at what point to you have that conversation? And what if they've already fallen for each other?

OP posts: