To be getting really fed up hearing about DP's long standing "illness"

[CrabbyInKrabbi]

Name change as I might come across as a heartless cow.

But basically DP came down with a nasty viral infection around 3 years ago. It cleared up but DP insists that part of it has remained. He has become obsessed with it, constantly analyzing every ache and pain, looking up cancer symptoms on the internet and making doctors appointments every 5 minutes. I've been sympathetic and have supported him best I can, come to doctors appointments with him, spoke up for him, done a bit of research for him but the fact remains that he has had every blood test known to man, urine tests, poo tests, scans, examinations, A&E visits(!!!!!) and the doctors can find NOTHING wrong with him. All tests come back saying he's a healthy individual. So much so that a couple of months back the doctor diagnosed him with health anxiety and sent him for counseling. He went to 3 sessions, cancelled it all and within a week was making another appointment for the doctor.

Now as I've said, Ive been supportive, I've made the right noises when he complains of symptoms, I've accompanied him to doctors appointments, I've felt his balls for lumps etc for him(!!) I've tried telling him that there is nothing wrong with him but that just ends up in an argument where he accuses me of siding with the doctors and not caring about him.

Anyway ... We was last at the doctors last Thursday. Again he's had wee, poo and blood samples taken. I, on the other hand am suffering from a flair up of what I assume to be IBS, horribly constipated, bloated, in pain and fed up. If I mention it to DP he more or less ignores me or changes the subject (usually to his own symptoms). Monday I'd just completed a 13 hour shift, 13 hours of being on my feet looking after ill people. I get home knackered at 8pm and I hadn't even taken my coat off before DP starts reeling off his latest symptoms. I had to walk away. My patience is really wearing thin and in truth I just couldn't be arsed with him. Tuesday I got up feeling worse than ever with my stomach problems so made an appointment for the doctor. I told DP and he made a joke of it. Later that night I began to tell him what the doctor had said and he immediately started going on about his own health again.

I've really had enough. It's fucking boring now. He uses it as an excuse for constant grumpiness, never wanting to do anything, lack of care for anyone elses illnesses - we're engaged and I'm honestly considering cancelling the wedding over it. He brings me down. There is a 10 year age gap between us but he's still only 42, what the fuck is he going to be like at 60?

AIBU?

It sounds like health anxiety to me. I'm pretty sure my mother has it. She'll become fixated with her health and it will be the only thing that she talks about. She'll call to ask about ds but the conversation will always get back to her health. It's exhausting and all she does is call (repeatedly) so I can't imagine how hard it is to live with someone like this Problem is that the more they are convinced they are ill, the more likely they will become ill because of the stress related to thinking they are ill and no one's listening (IYSWIM).

there's some info here

Health anxiety is fucking horrible. I had it terribly for a couple of years as part of PTSD. I'm sure my DH would tell you that I was hard to live with but I was absolutely fucking miserable and the more miserable and stressed I got the worse the symptoms were.. That's right, symptoms. People with HA are generally so stressed they have actually physical symptoms. It sucks and it is self perpetuating.

You need to sit down and tell your partner that unless he acknowledges that there is a problem and seeks treatment then he is going to spend his entire life feeling like he does now. Also tell him in no uncertain terms that unless he makes some effort with your relationship he's out on his ear.

I couldn't say what treatment works for other people but sertraline was like a magic pill for my anxiety :) there is a fab health anxiety topic on here. There are forums else ware on the web but I used to find they used to make it worse.. www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forum/ it might be worth you having a look though if only to gather some information.

You're young and he sounds very self obsessed and draining. Do you really want to marry someone like that?