To be upset that I am clearly not as important to any of my friends as they are to me?

[peedoffarama]

I've namechanged as I've ranted about this to someone this morning so may identify myself...

Basically I consider myself a good friend to people; I have quite a few people that I would consider to be my 'good' friends, and I am always there for them.

However it's apparent to me that to most of my friends I am just 'there' and that they don't value me at all.

I have never ever been asked to be a godparent, or a bridesmaid. My 3 so-called best friends from school are all over each other even now 20 years later and they don't seem to value me.

Final straw is this stupid tagging make-up free thing that's doing the rounds on FB. Not one person out of over 400 friends has tagged me. One good friend tagged 40 people and not me. I know it's Facebook, and I know it's crap, but honestly, surely someone would think to tag me.

That's the problem, I would never be someone's first choice for anything. I think all of my friends take me for granted. Those in life that make no effort and are self absorbed seem to get all of the attention.

How am I being hard work LyingWitch when all I want is a bit of respect and for my friends to treat me like they treat all of their other friends? I mean that as a genuine question

You met a friend today and you are angry that she didn't explicitly tell the world that you are awesome? Did you say that about her on your status?

I have read loads of threads recently of lovely, lonely people who just want someone to pass the time of day with, grab a coffee, have a chat - you seem to have that but are determined to prove that your circle of friends are dismissive of you. To be honest I have gone from sympathetic to suspecting that you are not singled out for 'bestie' status as you are a bit of a downer.

You need to get out there and meet new people who will treat you as you wish, I think you are being a bit unfair to your mates

And all she did was talk about herself when I did meet her. Yes, I did find it a bit hurtful that she tagged someone else and not me.

No, not on a downer with people at all. I try to be upbeat and chatty when I meet up with people. I just want my friends to respect me and treat me like they do other friends.

Peed, I am not sure that you even like your friends much which answers your own question really - they don't treat you like their 'other' friends because you aren't like them! You are the odd one as you have different values, different expectations and interests perhaps..sadly this happens and you grow apart from people. Your choices are

• come to terms with your relationships being what they are and seek the missing fulfillment elsewhere
• decide that they are to far removed from your idea of friendship and let them die off
• make the best of what you have

You cannot make other people respond as you would wish, you can only control your reaction to it. Let go of the bitterness and seek out new, like minded folks would be my advice (for what its worth)

I have three 3 am friends , clearly even in an emergency i would be poaying them back in wine and chocolate for months should i ever need to call on them at such an hour

I know how you feel, OP. I think one or two posters have misunderstood what you're saying, but that's just because it's hard to imagine when it's not you.

I don't have any 3am friends. My old school friends and I grew apart long ago as our lives went in different directions, and I've never found close female friendship since. I feel very sad about it, and lonely especially as I no longer work and don't have the friends that I made there (as they were more shallow friendships that were centered around our industry). Since becoming a SAHM I have made many acquaintances through my own doing (started a book club, joined a volunteering group and made myself talk to people), but when I go on holiday, for example, no one notices that I'm not around.

I'm not a memorable person - I'm quietly spoken, laid back and avoid the limelight. People meet me, assume that I'm shy or timid (which I'm not), and they have no interest. Even my sister and parents think I have no personality (cold and unfeeling are the the words my mother recently used). Luckily I managed to convince my lovely DH otherwise really! I like who I am (and it has taken me a long time to get to that view), but I still often wish I was a bit more like everyone else as then maybe I'd have more friends.

I have felt like this and truly believe I am on the edge of friendships. I now accept myself rather than yearning to be like others. I hated being shy and aloof especially at school where I was bullied. I was only visible at school when my peers wanted to ridicule me.

While the mums natter at the school gates I stand feeling and probably looking awkward. I wonder how they do not run out of things to say as they 'catch up' daily.

I have few friends but lots of acquaintances.

YANBU. I sometimes hear people talking about their wonderful friends and wonder what I have done wrong. But do you know what? I think most people feel that way. Fakebook doesn't help. It gives a false sense of reality. Who on earth can really keep up with 400 friends?

I have 2/3 close friends. Well, I thought they were close until recently. I had a significant event happen (a happy one) and I haven't seen or heard from them. I was a maid of honour for one last year and have pretty much been dumped by her since. Sadly, I think alot of people are selfish. That's the sum of it.

It's harder to make friends as you get older. I met plenty of perfectly nice people when the DCs were young but have found alot are very competitive about school stuff and wealth. Yawn.

I have come to the conclusion I am not tolerant and won't put up with people in the way more tolerant people can. I would rather have no friends than put up with people who are trying to find out how much my husband earns or what bloody reading level my son is on.

I'm not saying that you're actually hard work, OP, just that I would find you hard work. I have two close friends that I would literally die for. I don't see them for months on end and they never see each other; I don't think they like each other actually.

Anyway, everybody else - but EVERYBODY else - is on my periphery. I'm friendly with them, they call themselves friends and I think of them as friend/acquaintances.

What innislas says about 'clicking* is absolutely right in my opinion. Sometimes there's a click but it's rare and you can't fake it. To try and inveigle your way into a close friendship with somebody is a fools errand because it will never happen.

You seem to gauge your worth by how your friends publicly rate you. I don't understand that (because it's not me), it would make me shudder and back away from them. What is it specifically that you are seeking from these friends? You sound so sad but at the same time so desperate and needy and I'm sure you're a very nice person but something is awry if your friends are largely leaving you out (which isn't nice at all) or you're doing something that is making them - for want of a better word - cringe. It's hard work being in a friendship group with people at different 'levels' of closeness but that is how it can be. What's happening (or so it sounds) is that your friendship group has close friendships within that group and somehow, you're not 'paired up'.

Please don't take my post as an insult to you, it really, really isn't. I'm trying to give you an insight from the other side of the fence about friendships. It's hard for me to understand you because I would never want what you crave and I'm sad for you.

There's been some great advice on this thread and I can see that people are really trying to help you. I'm no help; the only advice I could offer is that you need to find some more friends, ones that you will perhaps strike up closer friendships with. There's no need or you to ditch your current group if you don't want to, but strike out and find some new ones too, I think it would really build up your confidence and I truly wish you the happiness and friendships you deserve.

I think that my primary close friend is less interested in me than i am in her (at least that's the impression i get, then sometimes she seems more open with how she thinks about me so i do wonder), however i still aim to flatter her as i am grateful for the friendship we have.

I've never been a bridesmaid either. I don't think being 5'10 helps as no one wants their bridesmaid towering over them in the wedding pics! I became a godmother for the first time a month ago to my nephew. You are overthinking things, find some new friends.

I am always in the edge of friendship groups too.

I have plenty of friends and acquaintances, and am never short of friends to go out with and to spend time with, but I don't think that anyone would name me as their best friend.

I'm not sure why this is; I'm not a people pleaser, nor am I desperate to be included, I'm just "me".

I am glad no one has tagged me. Probably due to the fact that I don't wear make up every day so there would be no point as everyone is used to me without it.

Another one who's always on the edge of friendship groups. Actually it doesn't bother me so much now, but it did when I was younger. I rarely meet people that I just "click" with and in fact I can actually count on one hand the number of times it's happened in the entire 30 years I've been on this earth.

I sympathies, I know how you feel, I really do.

The reasons your friends leave you out aren't necessarily malicious, just remember that. And rise above it, and still be a good friend to them. I feel hurt that my oldest friend only meets me when she wants something or has pissed most other people off, yet she ignored the last few texts I sent her, when it would have took 5 secs to reply.....but hey, I am very loyal to people, even when they definitely don't deserve it.

Have you considered counselling? Don't rule out confronting your friends about this either, they may not like it, but I think it would be therapeutic to you to get it off your chest.

As for being bridesmaid or godmother, I never hardly even get invited to weddings or christenings, been to more funerals, LOL! And frankly I am glad I have never been picked as a pall bearer.

So count your blessings!

How are you doing OP?