To go to a girls only kinky meet up? (I'm married)

[StarShank]

So there is a women only BDSM munch near me soon. I am going to ask/tell DH I am going to go tomorrow. Well, unless you lot tell me IABU! It is vanilla, so normal clothes, in a pub! It is just a place for kinky women to meet up to find friendship, they meet up once a month.

DH knows I am into submission and fetish stuff. When I say into I mean reading about it/bit of porn and I enjoy it the once every year or so we do have kinky sex. He is not really into it though..i doubt, he is quite vague on the subject.

Anyway, he is always talking about life passing him by and wanting to go and do more things but then just watches shit on TV and goes to work. We don't have that much sex, maybe once or twice a month (one of those often being a quickie). I want to go out and meet more people and live life a bit more before we try for kids in a few years time. I will never cheat on him, ever, I just crave this lifestyle and sitting watching TV most nights is driving me crazy.

AIBU to say "I really want to go" and if he has a problem with it just go anyway?

If it is about making friends with whom you have something in common why not look for a meeting with people who are interested in the same craft or a book club or something less sleazy.

I appreciate a munch is a social function, but the discussion you need to be having us with your husband about your relationship, not with anyone else (including mumsnet) which would take you further away from resolving the issue.

Anything relating to sex and your relationship needs to have consent, to do otherwise belittles your husband.

Wow, there is a whole other world out there passing me by...
A 'munch' to talk about 'kink' .... To be fair, I would rather doze on the sofa- but if your dh is ok with it, go for it!

LackingEnergy Thank you for the support and wise words. I'd never force him into anything. Sounds really hard for that couple. You on FL?

Sleazy... I don't think it has to be sleazy. I don't really have hobbies apart from choir and gym.

joysmum I'm certainly not going to do anything non consensual! :/
I've asked him if we can sit down and talk tonight, I'm going to forget about the munch for now and try and help him with the intimacy.

Bloody autism, its so hard.

Yeah, make it clear to your fella that bdsm doesn't necessarily, or even often, involve anything sexual. When I'm tying DP up, she's going into this beautiful calm, blissful meditative state and I'm hyper-alert to every little nuance of her and the rope. Entirely different to the way we are when DTD.

If you can convince him to learn a little shibari (rope bondage in the japanese style) - there are plenty of online tutorials - you can get him to treat it as a hobby, like say partner dancing.

A munch is about sex, sex is part of a relationship. This can't be likened to a hobby which can be persued as a solo activity

Have you been to a munch? It's the most unsexy place on earth. I'd get more turned on doing the Sainsburys shop

Wow, it's Like Teflon, op, you just keep pinging back any mention of cracks in your relationship.

Your lifestyle and desires and out of step with your partners. You can not communicate effectively together to sort it out. When you become parents down the line, he can sulk still, but has to be jolly in front of the kids. Tell me why your are not running from the hills from each other??

You are on a slippery slope with the munch thing. And denying it is duplicitous.

Can anyone here think how this would go if it were a man posting here instead of a woman?

The idea of going to meet a load of strangers in a pub to talk about sex is, to me, really fucking odd. But I acknowledge that's just my opinion.

BadgersRetreat It is odd! I'll give you that :)

Easy lovely, perchance I hit a nerve?

Wake up and smell the lubricant.

Have fun at your non sexual, talking about sex and fetishism, unsexy munch club.

Great respect and boundaries with your partner.

Not nerve, I just thought you were rude and unhelpful...but don't worry I am really waking up and smelling that lube...mmmmm. Silly lady :)

Personally, I couldn't think of anything less sexy/erotic. A load of bored weirdos meeting up to discuss kinky sex - I feel a bit sorry for you tbh.

OK. No munch at the moment, maybe in a month or two when things have settled. I'm going to google ASD and sex and see if there is anything I can be doing to help and I'm going to just be as non-judgemental and softly softly with him as possible and hope we can make things better.

As per, mumsnet rocks.

shakethetree Yeah it may be one of those things I look back on when I'm in my 30s and just be like "what were you doing!?" who knows. We live and learn.

You seriously can't being children into an unhappy marriage, especially one where you hope your husband will curtail his unacceptable behaviour around them.

You need to break down and tackle each problem.

You aren't happy with your sex life and think meeting women who like things more exciting is the way to deal with it.

Your husband won't listen and acknowledge what you are saying.

You are not happy.

fabakergirl better duck! op will tell you to go fuck yourself in 5, just saying.

No, don't think she will somehow nilby why are you being deliberately goady?

It doesnt matter if its the unsexiest thing in the world but going to something to talk about sex and your fetishes will not end well.
You need to sort out your marriage first.If it was the other way around and it was your husband on here saying this he would be shot down.|And rightly so.

My first delete!

I really don't think this munch is a bad thing, but I think talking about it with DH is not wise ATM and we need to try and sort the sex out first. I'm just frustrated guys, life's so short :( but thank you all for helping me see the bigger picture.

I love him to bits I don't expect anyone to have a perfect relationship let alone when one has autism, the other one is headstrong and we are still getting to know ourselves and find our way in the world.

I'm chill, we will sort it out.

Goady? Give over.

Op posts in Aibu, I give her a stronger opinion that she likes. I get told "so fuck you" in anger, and I find it offensive., and "silly lady" which is passive aggressive accompanied by the god awful smiley face.

Seriously, a bloke making this op would be thrashed!

But no, call me goady, and let's give the op encouragement to engage in a sexualised activity that her partner doesn't enjoy, and to do it without him.

But op, I'm glad you can see where some of us are coming from, and wish you well in the future and working it out with your dh.

Thanks nilbyname, gotta love the detachment on the internet eh, IRL we would not dream of talking to each other the way we have today!

Go!!! There so much fun. And kinky people are the most non judgemental people I've ever met. :)

Have fun x

Can't you not just get some erotic fiction ? I expect most of what gets talked about at these "talk about kink but not actually do it" kind of bashes is just that...fiction.