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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To do progressive waiting (CIO) Ferber method

46 replies

GiveMeVegemite · 18/03/2014 19:40

Basically I am so tired I could cry.... I'm literally surviving on 2 hours sleep a night and my poor baby isn't getting the rest he needs either.

My DS is 6 months old. Every night, every night waking and every nap he needs to be rocked to sleep and then held the majority of the time he is asleep. I know I'm to blame, but we both need to sleep and he needs to learn how to sleep without me.

I have a 20 month old who always settled himself really well and I could leave him to cry for a few minutes, knowing he would fall asleep, but my DS2 is so clingy it is a whole different ball game.

So please don't slate me, I'm at my wits end. If anyone plans on staying up late I could use some hand holding cos my DH is at work and I don't know if I will be able to let him cry! :(

OP posts:

YarnyStasher · 18/03/2014 20:48

Have you read the Ferber book? It really explains well how sleep associations work.

We did this. And I don't regret it. It was an excellent decision. I was ill through lack of sleep and no longer safe behind a wheel.

Remember, if you give up after 20 minutes, you've just made your baby cry for 20 minutes for no reason. You need to stick to it. And your DH needs to support you. He can't come in after 15 minutes and say "are you sure we are doing the right thing".

Gusthetheatrecat · 18/03/2014 20:48

Another option (which, like a broken record, I am ALWAYS recommending to people) is to hire a sleep trainer. We used one who specialised in very gentle, gradual encouragement to sleep. So there was some crying, but no leaving her to cry. She got my sleep-refusing wakeful 10 month old sleeping through the night in 3 weeks. I could cry myself when I remember how tired we were, and how grateful I was. Obviously it costs, so not an option for everyone, sorry.

Original poster

GiveMeVegemite · 18/03/2014 20:51

elpha and gus thanks. Yes, I am from Australia! I will hire a sleep trainer if I need to. Money isn't a factor when it comes to my sanity!

He literally sleeps on me/less than 20cm away so I will always be there for him.

OP posts:

Original poster

GiveMeVegemite · 18/03/2014 20:52

yarny yep, read the Ferber book, gina ford, no cry sleep solution, contented little baby book, baby whisperer and more! So wanted to make the right choice before trying sleep training...

OP posts:

ElphabaTheGreen · 18/03/2014 20:57

I'm guessing by the sounds of it Gus used the same sleep consultant? Very gentle, doesn't advocate CC or CIO. She doesn't promise no-cry but I haven't had an angry peep out of my DS at any stage of the process so far and he's gone from die-hard, cot-refusing co-sleeper to happily sleeping through the night in his own room in about three weeks and we've still got another three weeks to go in the programme. If money's not a problem, it'll be the best £250 you'll spend

ElphabaTheGreen · 18/03/2014 20:58

skinnyflatwhitetogo · 18/03/2014 21:22

OP, do it! I used this method with my DS when he was 8 months as I too was desperate and on my knees for a good nights sleep. Within 3 nights we had a baby who happily settled himself and slept through. Happy baby, happy mum. To this day he settles well. Of course we have blips and wakeful nights now and again, but the foundation is there.

skinnyflatwhitetogo · 18/03/2014 21:24

Meant to add, make sure your DH is on board. I couldn't have done it without the support of mine. We swapped sides of the bed so he was nearer the door and could stop me from running to get DS after a minute. I hated it to begin with but it was so worth it for our family...

beginnings · 18/03/2014 21:33

OP, I was where you are a week ago. I read the same books as you and more. I was so tired and so confused. In the end I hired a sleep consultant. I spent 2.5 hours with her and six days later I've gone from constant feeding or rocking to her asking to go to sleep and waking once in the night. She'll be six months on Saturday and my other DD is 22 months and has slept through since 13 weeks!

Like you, I knew what the problem was but couldn't figure out the best way to fix it! Next step, naps! She does 'em, just attached to a boob or in a pram - I need to fix that!

It'll be the best money you've ever spent.

Original poster

GiveMeVegemite · 18/03/2014 22:00

Thanks so much for all your posts.

Update... Got him to sleep at 7.15. Sat in the room holding, but not rocking him til he fell asleep. Left the room at 8.15.

He woke up crying about 15 minutes ago. I came up, held his hand, stroked his face and he fell asleep again. However if I try to let go of his hand he starts waking up. Honestly happy to hold his hand all night though if it means no rocking!

Baby steps!

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Original poster

GiveMeVegemite · 18/03/2014 22:11

.... Left the room and he had stayed asleep. Woo. Not getting my hopes up yet though!

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ScaredToBeHonest · 18/03/2014 22:13

I did Pick up Put Down with DS when he was nearly 5 months old and it worked really quickly. It did involve some crying, probably 40 mins for the first nap and 25 for the second nap. I was with him the whole time, either picking him up or putting him down and trying to soothe him.

I felt bad doing it, because I knew he just wanted me to cuddle him/rock him to sleep like normal but he was getting heavy and I knew I needed to sort his sleeping out and teach him to get to sleep on his own before he got too heavy for me to be able to put him down gently. It has made the world of difference to him - he now has 2x 1.5 to 2 hour naps a day as he is able to settle himself back to sleep if he starts to wake up. He still doesn't sleep through as the little piglet he still wakes for milk a couple of times but he goes straight back to sleep again after.

I know CC wouldn't have worked for DS as when he was younger he cried non stop for 6 hours - he was in either mine or DH's arms and still wouldn't calm down so there's no way he would calm down if we just left him to it.

PU/PD has really made a huge difference to his sleep. There are lots of helpful people on the baby whisperer website forums

Good luck anyway

Original poster

GiveMeVegemite · 18/03/2014 22:16

Thanks scared hopefully me being in the room, comforting him, just not rocking him helps!

OP posts:

VisualiseAHorse · 18/03/2014 22:22

We did intervals of 3,5,7,9 minutes. At 5 months old.

We did go in if he was really screaming - I couldn't stand it otherwise. But when he was crying or moaning, I left him. We decided that if it didn't work within 4 nights, we would stop. At every check, we picked him up, sung the same lullaby until he was calm, and put him back down. He didn't respond well to having his back patted, we found picking him worked a lot better. We also decided that if it went on longer than 30 minutes (I think! It was almost 2 years ago!!) we would stop, take him out of his room and try again in an hour or so.

First night, he cried in total for 18 minutes I think. Second night I think he was gently moaning by the 7 minute check, so we left him to fall asleep. Third night, and for several nights after, he would moan for about 2 minutes then fall asleep.

immortalwife · 18/03/2014 22:33

We did 2mins 5mins 10 15 20 etc. But I also let her bf as much as she wants to keep her chilled and calm and loved up before she goes down. She's not suffered for it, we co-nap for an hour or so when she wakes up in morning so she has a good cuddle long feed etc. It just got to the point where we couldn't leave the room, never mind put her down. She got used to the new routine and within a week was sleeping through no problems. I distressed her more by being there and trying to soothe her.

Original poster

GiveMeVegemite · 18/03/2014 23:03

It's really good to hear some success stories!

Just gave him his dream feed and am holding him upright for 15 mins, for his silent reflux.

I'm so not relaxed at all, don't know if I will even be able to sleep even though I'm knackered!

Will update tomorrow about his(and my) night!

OP posts:

Gusthetheatrecat · 18/03/2014 23:28

Thinking of you. Hope tonight you get some rest. Is so hard being so tired, I remember it well :(

Kif · 18/03/2014 23:29

You've tried white noise?

Original poster

GiveMeVegemite · 19/03/2014 07:53

kif yes, it actually seemed to make him sleep even lighter! My DS1 uses it every night....

So I basically did I revised version of CC. he didn't cry at all! I just held his hand and patted his head when he fussed.

7.15 asleep
9.45 fussy. Patted etc
10.30 fussy. Dream feed
1.50am fussy, tried to get back to sleep, didn't work so fed just 100ml (at 2.30am)
4am fussy. Tried patting etc, didn't work. Put him on my pillow (without my arm around him) just close to me.
7.20am woke up!

Will try even less patting tonight. Still zombified, but feel like things will get better soon :)

OP posts:

CountessOfRule · 19/03/2014 08:42

Well done!

He is likely to be crosser tonight. You know you can do it.

maddening · 20/03/2014 22:32

you're doing fab1 good luck for tonight !

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