AIBU to not want to go on holiday with my friend?

[RabbitPies]

I'm thinking of going to back to Oktoberfest,and Munich this year. I love Munich and Bavaria,and mentioned it in passing to a friend some time ago that I'd like to go back again one year.

Now said friend has decided that she wants to go too. A few ?ears ago I went to Oktoberfest and Munich with her. It did not go well. She spent the entire holiday sulking and playing with her phone if I dared to talk to anyone else. I didn't ignore her,and tried to include her in he conversation,but she still just sat there sulking. It was so bad that almost everyone asked me what was wrong with her.

A big part of the fun for me is meeting new people,particuarly people from different countries and I really don't want her to sit there sulking for the entire holiday again.

Also trying to get her to pay for anything was a nightmare. When I suggested splitting meals,after I'd paid for several she said Why? Do you have no money left?"

I feel guilty because she's the friend I've known for the longest time.And I'm her only friend,but I cannot bear the thought of going on holiday with her again.

So AIBU to want to go without her? And if not is there a polite way of saying I want to go,but not with you?

Why? Do you have no money left?

I'm not actually that sociable. I have social anxiety,depression and other mental health issues. I am worse now than I was then,and do like meeting new people though,and I'm actually more comfortable with strangers than people I know. They don't have the same expectations of me as people whom I'm familiar with. It's when people want to develop a relationship that I panic and back off.

My friend doesn't have so many issues,and isn't what I'd call shy. She is oddly possessive of me.

I definitely don't rub it in. I have my faults as we all do,but I certainly don't do that,unless simply wanting to talk to other people counts.

OK. You prefer strangers, might suggest you are a bit detached. Your friend might like this as she likes to try and control your social choices. That may be the attraction about you from her side.

Just arrange your trip and not involve her. If she asks, be as honest as you like. You can limit it to , "I decided to go by myself" if you like.

You need to go read the Financially Savvy or Scrounging thread. Your 'friend' isn't one, she is pisstaking freeloader.

Book your holiday and don't involve her at all. Don't even mention it to her.

and that she is lonely and has nobody else.

The best polite way I can think of would be to say 'What? But you hated it last time!' Then when she says no, what are you talking about, it was great, you can look puzzled and say that no, it wasn't - she seemed miserable when you met new friends and seemed very worried about money. And that basically, your holiday was very hard because you care about her and felt very stressed by her very obviously not enjoying having the kind of holiday that you enjoy - and plan to enjoy again. That last bit is important - make it clear, while looking all concerned and sad, that you'll be doing exactly the same stuff!

That should hopefully put her off, but if it doesn't - you just get all dumb about it. 'No, no no - I couldn't possibly. I'd be so worried about you. I've already got plans to meet up with a few people from last time and I'm sure that will mean an even more boring time for you - ooh I'd feel so guilty. No, I won't hear of you coming...' etc.

Of course, a better way of knocking it all on the head would be to tell her what appalling company she is and what a crap friend, but you don't want to do that!

Just say sorry I really wanted to go alone. Looking forward to your own company, suggest doing something else maybe?

I agree expat couldent have out it better. Op stop being a doormat, and stop making excuses for her. She can see you coming a mile off! No I am going a lone this year if she asks, or say nothing if she does not!

I love travelling alone and love meeting new people. Have made friends that way.

Anyway, she sounds awful - on holiday. I would feel absolutely clausterphobic with someone like that....
And as for expecting you to pay for her?! Is she 14?
Please don't enable that kind of behaviour, people like that will keep taking advantage and you will be left frustrated and angry.

The possessiveness sounds like a whole other area of dealing with.

You don't owe her a twosome holiday. You are perfectly within your right to say "Sorry, I really feel like going on my own this year".
That saves you having to make zillion excuses and going round in circles.

Remember:

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

Have a great time!

freeloading miserable boot

Yes, she is. Please don't let her get away with it. Say no more about it if you can, go on your own. Why feel bad? She clearly has no compunction in making you feel bad at the drop of a hat.

I had the same problem when a bit younger - we went on a few girly holidays, all had a great time except one girl who didn't drink. Didn't like the beach. Didn't like clubbing. Didn't like theme park rides. Only ate British food. So annoying - why would you come if you knew that was what the holiday would involve.

If you don't want to tell her directly, just book it and don't mention it to her until you have to. Then if she says 'But I said I would come?' just say you forgot. Or say you have a friend of a friend that offered you space on their couch, so she COULD come but she'd have to sort out her own hotel room, meet up with you separately everyday, etc. If she is as half hearted as you say doubt she will be bothered.

Not to say you shouldn't tell her exactly why if you are happy to do so, some people about have offered sensitive ways of doing it, and tbh if the friendship does break up it seems she will lose more than you. You seem like a fun person to holiday with btw!

Just say you would rather go without a friend as the whole point for you is to meet new friends and it didn't seem to work last time. And leave it at that.

Don't tell her you are going, when you are going or anything and if she finds out tell her that the whole point of going is to meet new people and she hated it last time.

Go ahead and book it for yourself. Just (conveniently) forget that she said anything about wanting to go.
She does sound a bit of a pain, to be honest, and tight...why would you be paying for her meals, sod that! Book it, and enjoy it.