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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU- Religious stuff on FB/ family illness

37 replies

TraceyTrickster · 16/03/2014 23:45

Some of my friends (all people I know) on FB are pretty religious and post random crap- often about god. I am an atheist.

Last week my 10 month old nephew went in for an operation and it went badly wrong. He may now be disabled for life and have a very restricted life with a feed tube into his bowel. This has been extremely distressing.

Yesterday, I saw red when one of my FB friends posted ' before you ask god for what you want, thank god for what he has given you'.

So far I have managed to restrain myself from ranting, but I am finding it hard (hence posting this). Obviously she does not know about my baby nephew, but it is offensive. People with cancer, who are recently bereaved etc- they are meant to be thankful for what they have been given.

Please tell me whether I should send her a private message and let her know how upsetting this shit is for many circumstances.

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 16/03/2014 23:50

Just ignore it. It's meaningless. I don't ask (an imaginary) god for anything nor thank him/her/it for the good stuff nor blame him/her/it for the bad.

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/03/2014 23:54

Tracey I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew. How are you and your family doing?Sad

Facebook is not your friend right now. The random witterings are more than likely going to make you Angry. People can be insensitive at the best of times, but right now, in the worst of times, they seem downright offensive.

Are you angry at your friend, or are you angry at the injustice of your DN's suffering and prognosis?

BackforGood · 16/03/2014 23:56

I don't understand why you have people as Facebook Friends, if you don't like the stuff they post Confused
If it winds you up / sends you into a rage, then why not just defriend them ?

BlackeyedSusan · 16/03/2014 23:57

offs.

surely if one is christian, it is about a parent child relationship.. would you grump if your child was, say stuck up the climbing frame dangling by one arm that they are not thankful for being taken to the park. no, you would rush into help. the trite stuff is not helpful to anyone christian or not. just leads to guilt or derision.

whether you pm, would depend on them. some can not see past the trite until they have been through stuff themselves...

treaclesoda · 17/03/2014 00:00

That is the nature of Christianity, you are meant to accept the bad along with the good. The comments weren't aimed at you and your family, you've already said that they don't know about the situation, they were a comment on that individual's beliefs, and how they apply that to their situation. It feels offensive to you because you've had a terrible tragedy in your family, for which I am very sorry. But the sentiment is no different to someone posting something about counting their blessings, or those statements that talk about life not being about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain.

FWIW, I find nearly all those inspirational things a bit cringey, but that's not really the point.

I'm very sorry about your nephew.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2014 00:01

I asked one of my Christian friends to talk to another of my Christian friends about giving me a bereavement card that was quite inappropriate considering she knows I don't think my loved one went to a better place and praying won't help me. However, that card was TO me. Your FB friend is just wittering. It would be just as bad if they were posting "if life gives you lemons..."

I'm so sorry about your little nephew.

DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 00:01

I'm really sorry about your nephew.

I feel the exact same way, I see it every day and it makes my blood boil a little but I say nothing because people don't generally mean any harm and I'd hope they respect my choices and beliefs too.

Original poster
TraceyTrickster · 17/03/2014 00:03

I am possibly being irrational as we are all so worried about my baby nephew and perhaps this is hyper sensitivity.l

The girl is a friend from years back and normally I don't take any notice of religious rantings. but with my nephew being in intensive care after a routine operation, and no-one sure of the prognosis, it seems offensive. We are all really worried for the future- for the baby, the impact on his parents, their toddler ....it just is a huge mess and this just adds salt to the wound.

OP posts:
livelablove · 17/03/2014 00:13

Propos who aren't religious often post things about looking on the bright side or being grateful in general for the good things in your life. This is they Christian version, which is meant to be encouraging for other Christians. I think your friend, knowing you aren't christian would assume you will just ignore her post, after all if you don't believe in God you wouldn't be praying at all.

livelablove · 17/03/2014 00:15

*people (who aren't religious)

DomesticDisgrace · 17/03/2014 00:20

Actually Tracey, I've been known to post things with an atheisty feel, most recently Tim Minchin- Storm which in hindsight could very well be offensive to religious people or people who believe in horoscopes and angels etc but I wouldn't intend it that way in the slightest. I just found it humorous and relate to it.

I know exactly how you feel and my teeth itch like crazy when I see that kind of stuff, but it gives them comfort in their own lives leave them to it. They don't mean any harm I assure you x

DioneTheDiabolist · 17/03/2014 00:39

Tracey given what you and your family are going through right now it may be worth giving FB a swerve. Your energy is needed elsewhere.

But by all means message your friend to let her know what's happening if you think it would make you feel better. I wish you and your family strength in the times ahead.Thanks

MidniteScribbler · 17/03/2014 01:47

When bad things happen, it's easy to take everything personally. When my father died I went up to the shops the day before his funeral to get some things and every shop was brightly advertising Fathers Day. It was horrible, but we can't expect everyone to know the minutiae of our lives. There's also the fact that what you find on facebook to be upsetting may be comforting to others. If it offends you, then you need to just log off for now.

fideline · 17/03/2014 01:55

Random 'man in the sky' based homilies are annoying.

There is always a danger in posting these rather twee kitchen-table philosophies that they will upset someone. People do it anyway.

But since you know a number of people who are going to post this guff then either hide their feeds, delete them, or deactivate your account.

You don't need to see that drivel at such a worrying time.

All the best to your nephew.

fideline · 17/03/2014 01:59

The danger is, that if you try to express your objection, she will be unrepentant (maddening, upsetting, no good for your blood pressure) or you, in your current raw state, will say more than you mean to (understandable, damaging, also no good for your blood pressure).

Better just to hide the feed (or whatever it's called)

Flowers
FunkyBoldRibena · 17/03/2014 06:41

Perhaps you need some new friends.

meganorks · 17/03/2014 07:18

YABU. It is a load of old bollocks but I see plenty of similar bollocks from people who aren't religious. Its not directed at you and your circumstances. Just ignore or hide/delete their comments.

To be honest most Facebook posts will probably piss you off at the moment. People tend to have massive rants over the most trivial things. You can't pm all of Facebook to tell them how much worse your circumstances are. If someone is moaning that spilling their coffee made them want to cry or being stick in traffic is the end of the world you will probably feel similarly annoyed.

Cleartheclutter · 17/03/2014 07:31

YABU

withextradinosaurs · 17/03/2014 07:38

YANBU. my personal hate was "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Well, if it's OK with you, God, I'd like a bit less of the bad stuff, even if that dents your confidence in me.

I don't think getting in touch will change anything. As a previous poster said, it's the equivalent of "always look on the bright side" or "count your blessings."

Aeroflotgirl · 17/03/2014 07:41

Iam sorry to hear about your poor nephew. I can see where you are coming from. Just hide the posts and don't pm her, or delete her or others

DumSpiroSpero · 17/03/2014 07:54

I think you are being a bit unreasonable given that the comment wasn't directed at you and the friend knows nothing of your current circumstances.

It's totally understandable that it presses your buttons and I would suggest starting clear of FB for a few weeks as I suspect her comment is part of the Count your Blessings for Lent 'thing' that is going on at the moment and you're likely to see lots more of them.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, I am a (somewhat lapsed tbh Christian) and have sat in church choking back the bile at this kind of stuff after our friends lost their 6yo to cancer - even with faith I can understand how angry it makes you.

I hope your little nephew makes the best recovery he possibly can Thanks .

TheBody · 17/03/2014 08:05

that's religion though, all religions, Christianity is no different to Islam etc in this way that generally there is a plan and you accept fate in earth to get rewards in paradise.

no point messaging her because her belief system is totally at odds with yours.

so so sorry about your nephew. how bloody dreadful got you all.

personally I would use fb to set up a prayer thread, I don't go to church either but strange to say after my dds accident people telling me they were praying for us was immensley comforting.

formerbabe · 17/03/2014 08:05

If there is one thing I have learnt...

Never try to use rational arguments with an extremely religious person...

Waste of breath!

TerrorAustralis · 17/03/2014 08:06

OP when I saw the thread title I thought you and I shared an FB friend. Currently she is posting prayers for someone on FB.

I would not PM her. Hide her right now and anyone else who is in the habit of posting similar things. In fact, hide anyone who is in the habit of posting things that annoy you. It works for me.

Goblinchild · 17/03/2014 08:12

I'm so sorry that you and your family are facing a traumatic, life-changing event, and I wish you strength to deal with it.
But the others here are right, if you are feeling very vulnerable and sensitive at the moment, you will be upset and offended by things that were never meant to distress you, and that wouldn't have had the same impact at a different time.
Either hide your friend's feed or avoid FB altogether, she isn't meaning to upset anyone.