When do I allow my son some freedom

[HadABadDay2014]

He is coming up 8 and is asd.

He wants to go out on his own but I am scared to let him out on his own.

He can be a danger to himself and mentally he is like a 3-4 year old.

I have thought of drop off clubs, but don't know if this would be wise incase the club leaders don't know how to cater for children with asd.

I wouldn't let my NT 8 year old go to the park on his own tbh but I seen to be in the minority judging by this! It is not the done thing here so he would either be the 'loner' older kid hanging around mums and tots or hanging around with 11/12 year olds.

Also, he is still quite young in lots of ways. He knows about stranger danger but if an adult shouted at him in an authorative way, I know his own personal need would be to want to comply to 'be good'.

I let him go up and down the street on his scooter and he will go put of my sight to the shop ot toilet out and about but he is in no way ready to walk 10 mins away to the nearest park yet on his own.

DS1,9, has ASD and ADHD, but is fairly determined to be independent so we let him go down the road to get things from the local shop on his own. He has to cross one (quiet-ish) road and go round the corner (Inner London).

I wouldn't let him go to the park on his own though, unless he was going with friends including at least one adult. I don't know what we're going to do in a year and a bit when he has to start going to secondary school 2-3 miles away!

I never thought i would think or say this, but give me back the terrible 2 or the newborn stage. DC needs might be easier but it gets harder other ways.

I live in a small village where most people know each other. I have been a childminder and a nanny and am a mother of 3. All my friends and I discussed this and we all thought 10 yrs for being allowed to go down hill to village, ie crossing road. But if you mean just playing out with you either very near by watching or popping out often then it was 5-6 yrs. Only you know your child and if they would understand about not going with any body or wandering off. I had a big piece of chalk and I drew lines on walls/pavements that they were not allowed to cross. Many a time I watched whilst they jumped the line and back, jumped then back!! Difficult one with a child with SN. I would also say that you don't have to go the whole hog at once, do it in stages. Get him a timer and set it for half an hour. Keep an eye out...it doesn't hurt that they see that you are watching. if they come in when timer goes off then set it a bit longer. When you feel they understand more then send them on an errand. (first time I sent my DS on one I followed!!!) Re-reading your thread OP have you a safe place where you can start giving him a bit of freedom? I did used to leave mine in the park at about 7-8 to play whilst I shopped then picked them up on my way past. And I always told them that people who knew them were watching them and that they never knew when I would be watching either!! Hope that helps.

I think if he's not ready for 'free range' activities then he's just not ready. His safety has to come first. My DS is 8 and I feel exactly the same way, we live on the outskirts of a tiny village where the DCs get a lot more freedom - very much a community feel, no main roads, all the kids play together and they're usually in sight of someone but because we're outside that, I'm being pretty strict.

I think a lot depends on your situation - actually we are now semi-rural and I think I would have been more laid-back if we were still in the inner city as there were usually more adults around if anything did happen.

That all said, definitely look at clubs. DS goes swimming (we stay poolside because it's a short lesson, but he does dressing etc on his own now), one after school club and Cubs. Cubs are absolutely fantastic and very much geared up for additional needs.

I should also add that the area you live has a bearing too. Big town, lots of teenagers being.... well teenagers v village where you know most people. OR City where it can (seem to?) be more dangerous? My DB and SIL don't let any of their DC out to play but the DCs don't seem to want to. Mine were straining at the bit for some freedom. And yes HadABadDay, the letting go and when was something I was worried about!

Having very similar discussion with a friend this morning. My twins are nearly 9. We're lucky enough to live opposite a park so I let them play over there out of sight for around an hour. My main worry is them crossing the road - DD sensible enough to do it on her own; DS not so he is under strict instructions either to come home with DD or wait for me to get him otherwise he's in "Big Trouble". Hairy moment last week when he abandoned bike and went off with a friend to someone's house for ages without telling me but generally, I want to give them as much freedom as I used to enjoy much younger than they are I must say.
Friend and I agreed this morning that they will be allowed to go off together in "the fields" this summer with a watch as we both agree it's really important to let them become more independent, responsible and basically enjoy the great outdoors with their mates (without their mums hovering over them). We'll see how that goes....

I let mine out quite early (at 5) because its sort of cul-de-sac area with a playground and there always kids about, and nosy OAPs who always see everything and everyone.