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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re SIL and my skills as a hostess

14 replies

movingmovingmoving · 15/03/2014 21:19

SIL (DH's younger sister) is visiting us for the weekend. She is in a very good job, and enjoys clothes, holidays, nights out and wine in abundance.

Brought a bottle of wine as a gift - v nice.

No gift for DD incidentally, not that I expect anything, but she has been loudly promising to bring her Christmas and birthday gifts since, em, Christmas.

Proceeded to drink the guts of 3 bottles of wine last night Shock (I am pregnant; DH was drinking beer).

We went out for a big yummy late lunch today, and finished around 4.30. She had no money or card with her to pay her share (she has massive form for pulling this one).

She is now downstairs ploughing through more of our wine, and eating cheese and crackers, because she is "starving". AIBU to not have cooked dinner for this freeloader dear friend?

OP posts:
Original poster
movingmovingmoving · 15/03/2014 21:23

I should say that it is a selection of naice cheese, crackers and handmade chutney that I got in especially for tonight. Not scraps of hard cheddar from the back of the fridge.

OP posts:
maddening · 15/03/2014 21:27

Is she a guest or using your home eg due to it's location?

maddening · 15/03/2014 21:28

Ps if she is a guest I would expect to supply her with food and drink or if dining out I would expect it to be my treat to her as a guest.

Pimpf · 15/03/2014 21:29

You could always suggest she gets a takeaway tonight seeing as you got lunch in

Original poster
movingmovingmoving · 15/03/2014 21:32

She is a guest. Oh dear god IABU, aren't I Blush. Blame pregnancy hormones...

OP posts:
AlerieVelaryon · 15/03/2014 21:32

I feel your pain! I once went with DH to SiLs home many 100s of miles away for a visit only to be offered no food at all and to watch her eat a gigantic boiled egg and beetroot sandwich whilst suffering from "morning sickness".Hmm

She now never sends our DCs pressies or cards and has never trained her poor DCs to write thank you notes.

I feel sad for her as she comes from a EA background but DH and BiL are less effected.

crazycanuck · 15/03/2014 21:38

YANBU, OP. She may be a guest but she's taking the proverbial. Cripes, I would never eat/drink someone out of house and home just because I was a guest, and I'd never not offer to pay my share of a bang up meal out. Your SIL is insufferably rude.

notmyproblem · 15/03/2014 23:05

Really maddening? Guests come to your house and get free food and board AND free meals when you go out?

Where I come from, weekend guests bring a gift for the hosts and usually take the hosts out for dinner where practicable and affordable -- obviously wouldn't expect my uni student sister to do that for us, but a person who works full time surely can stump for part of the hosts' meal or at least her own share! In return, I would expect to give her dinner and drinks but would not be impressed if she drank 3 bottles of wine on her own.

YANBU OP and she's taking advantage. Especially the whole "I don't have any money" excuse, how pathetic. Don't invite her to stay over again, she's a rude guest.

foslady · 16/03/2014 00:05

OP, you and dp are being a wonderful hosts.

SIL on the other hand is being a shit guest

(I feel your pain, the amount of times people stayed over at mine for an evening meal and got the full cooked English brekkie, then the ONE time we stayed at theirs for a pre planned night out ie no cooking/entertaining for them to do the night before and struggled to get a cup of tea, forget even half a round of toast the next morning out of them.....guess who doesn't invite people to stay over any more???)

DietCokeMultipackCan · 16/03/2014 00:16

My younger brother eats me out of house and home when he visits but would have paid when we went out. Are they close? Has he usually paid for things for her as they were growing up?

EurotrashGirl · 16/03/2014 04:34

You're annoyed that she is eating the cheese and crackers you bought specifically for her visit? Hmm Next time you go out to eat with her, remind her to bring a card or money.

surroundedbyblondes · 16/03/2014 05:37

My DB eats and drinks loads when he stays with us but always comes laden with gifts for the DC and will treat us to a meal out or coffees/icecreams whatever. No problem there, it's give and take and we always have a lovely time.

DBIL and his family on the other hand take our hospitality for granted and offer very little in return. I feel your pain OP.

nooka · 16/03/2014 05:52

Did she really drink 3 bottles of wine? I'd be quite worried for her (dh's mum had an alcohol problem). As a host I'd expect to provide for my guests in my home. As a guest I'd expect to pay my share for a meal out, but I'd also expect to be asked/told in advance that that was the plan.

Not giving her niece a Christmas present is a bit crap really. It sounds like she has some form for being cheap.

IceNoSlice · 16/03/2014 06:28

I think she ought to have paid her share if the meal out and it is a bit odd to have drunk so much when her hosts weren't. If it was a big boozy night and you were all bladdered then bringing 1 bottle but drinking 3+ would not be so bad (although I would be horribly ill drinking that much). But drinking excessively on your own as a guest? Hmm

Eating the cheese and crackers - not a crime. But I guess it isn't that that has pee'd you off, but her 'I'm starving' comments which imply you should have cooked. I don't think it is poor form to have one lighter meal and one big meal, so don't worry.

Perhaps DH could say 'have you remembered your purse?' Before you leave the house next time you go to eat out with her?

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