AIBU about DM and my DDog.

[ModreB]

I will try to be comprehensive to avoid drip feeding. DS1 & DS2 are a lot older and live in their own places.

I have 3 dogs. DDog2 is an escapologist and can escape from anything. He is a JR cross and can get over a 6' fence with ease. 6' is the highest fence that we are allowed to put up by council byelaws. We have a 5 metre on each side fenced and paved area for our dogs outside the back door, to keep the dogs off the rest of the garden, 30 metres by 15 metres, so a fair size. So, DDog2 is tied up when he is outside, which prevents him scaling the outer fence and escaping. The rope allows him access to the whole area. All dogs are walked for at least an hour in the morning and an hour at night outside the garden/house. DDog1 & DDog3 have never even tried to escape. DM is aware of this, and has been for the 5 years that we have had DDog2.

My DM comes for her dinner every week on a Wednesday. She has a key to the house that she uses for emergencies and Wednesdays. She comes for tea as she does a social thing on a Wednesday evening that is closer to my house than her house. I am happy with this.

DH is home at least once every 2 hrs as he works in/out of the home all day. DH let the dogs out when he was home at 2pm until 3pm. DDog2 was in when he left at 3pm.

DM usually picks up DS3 from school on a Wednesday to spend some time with him. DS3 is 14yo. So, she usually gets to my house at about 3.30pm. The other nights DS3 gets the bus and gets home at about 4pm. I am home by 5pm. DM is usually asleep when I get home, she wont pay for a TV licence, so watches my TV to catch up falls asleep to my TV as DS3 goes to his room to be a teenage boy when he gets home.

Tonight, DS2 is at a school event until 9pm, so doesn't need picking up. DM is still welcome for her dinner. So, she comes to the house at the usual time. I get home at 5, and you guessed it, DDog2 is missing. She had let them out when she arrived, and not tied him up. DM asleep on the sofa watching TV.

So, who IBU. Me, because I expect DM to tie DDog2 up and prevent an escape, and I am unhappy that I spent an hour looking for him, or DM because her dinner was late because I was late cooking as I was looking for DDog2 and was cross with her for letting DDog2 escape?

YANBU your DM is.

I would go insane if someone taking care of my DDog didn't follow my rules and caused my DDog to go missing for over an hour. Your DM is lucky she got any tea at all after that imo.

From my experience never leave someone clueless about dogs/a non dog owner to take care of them, even if its basic stuff like letting them in the garden. Especially if you have more than one dog, its just too much for their minds to contemplate.

I've found many of these people mean well but just don't have a clue and constantly let dogs escape/don't secure them properly. Had loads of problems whilst living at MIL's with SIL and SIL attempting to let our 3 DDogs safely in the garden. Several times she hasn't even checked the gate is shut first, which is a must.

Hang on, she let your dog escape but then complained when her dinner was late. Well she can sod off next week then can't she

I take it you've found him?

She's not clueless though, we have always had dogs, and I cant remember a time when I was a child that we didn't have a dog. When I was younger, from 10yo to about 19yo, DM had a dog that had to be muzzled in public as he fought with other dogs and was a big dog.

Nanny yes, he was in the local nature reserve having a lovely time. Its about 5 mins from my house.

Have you specifically told her that he needs to be tied up or just assume that she has picked up on this from stories of his antics?

If it is the former then YANBU but if it is the latter then YABU

Glad you found him though

bubba he has always been tied up to prevent escape, since he was 6m old. He is now 5yo. Its a family joke that he should have been called "Houdini". She said "Oh, I thought I didn't need to tie him". My reply, "His rope is draped over the gate to the dog run, ready for him."

but if you haven't specifically told her that he needs tieing up then she may not have realised and thought you were joking about the escapology.

my mum only pays attention to things that are about her so i would fully expect to have to tell her outright to put my dog on the lead outside (she is also a bloody houdini! must be the jack russell traits!) as there is no way she would put 2 and 2 together and think 'ohhh, bubbadog escapes so i need to put the lead on'

YANBU and I am glad to hear ddog is okay.

DM knows. The mantra is "tie DDog2 or go chase"

in which case you should have sent her looking for it while you cooked tea