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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children's birthdays/siblings

34 replies

Whatutalkinboutwillis · 12/03/2014 10:28

Ok so it's the first year I have 2 kids and we are just about to reach ds1 birthday. My mum was showing me the stuff she had bought him and then got out the stuff she had bought ds2. She has spent about 300 on each child.

I asked why she had bought for ds2 when his birthday is months away and she said oh you can't just buy for one. Do people normally buy for siblings when it's a birthday? We don't intend to and feel its each child's special day and should be treated as such. Don't mind a small token gift but this was literally matched gift for gift. Aibu to not want this?

OP posts:

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 12/03/2014 11:12

£300 is too much to spend on a birthday anyway and certainly not for the child who isn't even having a birthday - that's just ridiculous!

My mum always buys the sibling a small thing to unwrap, like a colouring book or something but that's it.

Original poster

Whatutalkinboutwillis · 12/03/2014 11:21

Marylou I have done several times. We agreed that she would buy him his comic every week and that would be there thing. It lasted 3 weeks

OP posts:

Dfg15 · 12/03/2014 11:26

I had a friend that always used to buy for siblings on each others birthdays - she had 5 children! I think its madness, a birthday should be for the birthday child only. My girls are 5 years apart and we never did it with them, they were always excited for each other on their birthdays and there was never any jealousy.

Nocomet · 12/03/2014 11:28

YANBU
The other DD gets to bounce on the party castle, fall off the pool inflatable or go bowling. No need for presents!

Even if older DD goes to a film/play with just her DFs or DD2 has a sleep over, they both get to come on a family meal out.

Your DF is being daft.

littleducks · 12/03/2014 11:31

I think something like a new magazine or comic can be nice for a non birthday sibling if you think they will find it tough it might muscle in and play with the new toys too much.

Otherwise the non birthday child just gets to enjoy the cake, the fun of surprising the birthday child and party jars or blowers. That's fun enough surely?

fiftyval · 12/03/2014 11:51

OP - do you have any siblings? If so, did your mother operate the same way when you were growing up? If not, then she needs to be reminded that it never did you any harm not to get presents on sibling birthdays.

BornFreeButinChains · 12/03/2014 11:56

i agree with others you need to be clearer with her and have a heart to heart chat, aside from anything else, if she is not well off, shouldn't she be more careful with her money? is she a spendaholic?

You need to be more assertive with her and talk to her about why she is doing this.

You need to say you cannot accommodate any more stuff.

It doesnt have to be swimming lessons what about a years membership to a local farm/play place, or anything like that!
She is literally throwing her money away and it seems so sad when there are so many other wonderful things to spend it on.

Maybe you should also take her to a car boot in the summer and when you come away with bin bags full of great toys all for a few pounds, it may help to ram it home to her how wasteful she is being..

CrushingCandies · 12/03/2014 12:50

It will be ds 1st birthday soon and we're having a small tea party for family. Dd is 4 and a little bit jealous of the thought of ds getting presents and not her. We've reminded her that she will get her own on her birthday. But we will get her a colouring book as she is only little. If a 4 year old can under stand its ds special day surely your mum can too.
And £300 blimey for us the birthday child doesn't get that.

magesticmallow · 12/03/2014 13:11

Oh wow this would make me unbelievable cross! There is much wrong here (1) £300 for a birthday child is far too much so to give the same to a non birthday child is complete madness! (2) This means your children are having £1100 + per annum spend on them by their grandmother on toys, excluding what they get on visits? and excluding what they get from you and others? That's actually obscene

You are going to end up with two spoilt expectant children on your hands who only want to see granny coming for what they can get and not for her/her company - and it won't be their fault.

Your mother got to raise her kids, it's your turn now and you call the shots.

If it were me I would look at all the toys she bought the non birthday sibling and agree to one (I actually don't agree with sibling gifts at all but in this case it seems the lesser of two evils) and warn her that if she brings anything else that she will not see the kids, I would cut the £300 for the birthday child drastically too. And when she went ahead and gave more anyway, and she will, I would cut contact until she agreed to cop herself on, she has issues here and that's fine but she needs to deal with them and not have it impact you and your children

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