AIBU to have judged?

[pyjamaramadrama]

I was in a pub garden on Saturday. It's a family country pub with an outdoor play area for the kids. It was really busy with the nice weather.

I heard a woman shrieking get here Thomas (not real name) repeatedly to her child. He eventually came over and she started shouting at him loudly enough for people to turn around.

Thomas looked at least 9 or 10 but probably more like 11 or 12. Apparently Thomas had got his willy out (her words) in front of everyone. And his mother proceeded to shout in front of everyone how disgusting it was, that people were eating, how dare he get his willy out. And made him sit down for the duration of their visit. Thomas looked pretty embarrassed and started crying but struggled to sit down after being told off and was crawling around under the table.

Please don't flame me as I have no real idea if this is normal behaviour for a child this age, my dc is still small. And perhaps the mother disciplined him well. But I can't help thinking that if that was my son I'd be very worried about that sort of behaviour and taking him straight home for a serious talk about appropriate behaviour and why he did it. Rather than shouting and screaming and letting the whole pub know. Even those who hadn't even seen what had happened.

Like I say please don't flame me, I did judge but I'm willing to accept I might be wrong, but I'm sure that isn't just normal playing up for such an older boy.

The

Oops. If the boy had severe behavioural issues all the time maybe the woman just reached end of tether. It happens.

I know too many people who have had their kids do ebarrassing things or cause a scene..it happens.

TBH even if the boy didn't people can reach the end of their tether.

I just don't understand why your as so bother OP?

bothered*

My first thought is that the child has SN's, my DS who has ASD did this once when he was about 8 he's 14 now and I was absolutely mortified when he did it and I was keeping a close eye on him all the time as I always did when we ventured out, luckily for me there wasn't too many children about, I quickly grabbed my son and told him to put it away as its private. I can only guess the mother was really embarrassed but I don't think shouting at him helped thats possibly why he hid under the table, something my DS would do.

It seemed like one of those situations where she wanted everyone else to know that she didn't approve. But I don't think most people even realised what he'd done until she started yelling. It was prolonged yelling.

I try not to judge strangers because you never know. But sometimes I can't help thinking what the...

I will try harder to keep my nosey beak out.

Daisychain, it did bother me, it was horrible, it was one of those moments where everyone stops and turns around because you couldn't help but listen to the yelling.

It wasn't so much a child getting a loud telling off but the whole garden being alerted that he'd got his willy out.

Have you never had one of those moments where you see something that doesn't sit right with you?

Sorry I didn't mean to sound nasty. I understand more now you have explained. Thee could be many reasons though.

She obviously didn't handle it very well.

Yabu to judge. It could be an ongoing frustration for the mum and she could have just snapped,tired of not getting through to him.

I know I've snapped before. Parenting can be hard. I think we all snap at least once.

Maybe she was embarrassed so was 'performance parenting' so people knew she wasn't just ignoring such behaviour.

I would presume that, whether 9 or 12, a boy who did that would have some form of disability or learning difficulty.

I would also assume that the mother was embarrassed and paranoid that everyone had seen it happen so wanted to make the point very clearly that she didn't condone it. Saving herself from humiliation rather than deliberately humiliating her child.

So no, I wouldn't judge. I'd cringe for her and thank God it wasn't me!

It would bother & puzzle me, too.

I am on the fence, I imagine the mother could have tried all the other strategies previously without much luck so now she's trying this (public embarrassment) in desperation.

Most people in that situation would just stop going out; which could ultimately be even more damaging.

I guess at least she was watching him. I suppose if she hasn't seen it or been seen to not say anything other people would have been tutting.

I have a friend whose 9 year old (size of the average 14yo) does this at times he has a learning disability and frets he's had an accident ( its very obvious he has problems).

She had a horrendous incident happen one day when he pulled his pants down to check and she did not get to him quicker than the dad of a toddler her poor son was assaulted by a bellowing man who was screaming about him being a sex pest and that people like him shouldn't be allowed out with decent normal people and yelling that she was condoning his actions.

It's not that much of a stretch to imagine her doing something much the same out of fear that something like that could happen again

I wouldn't judge her at all. I would assume that she wants to embarrass him enough that he'll never do it again and I'd respect her for that. As awful as it may have been for him, it would be a hell of a lot worse if he did it in school and got bullied for it or carried on doing it because he wasn't dealt with in a manner that forced him to stop and got into serious trouble when he's a bit older.