Abusive whatsapp messages fromFiL

[ishopthereforeiam]

Fil (alcoholic) has tried to start arguments with me over whatsapp when dh has been abroad for work previously. For the most part, I have managed to avoid getting involved by ending the conversations quickly (but still with a friendly tone).

Most recently while dh was away (3 weeks ago) fil sent 3 abusive messages within 15 minutes to me. They were comments about my (previously troubled but now ok) relationship with my mum and also how he was "GREATER THAN ANY OTHER IN LAWS GURANTEED" and a threat of blackmail to my father (who actually knows everything about me so nothing to blackmail). He then said sorry he had some tension in his system and then said sorry he had to get the pressure out and wanted to be one happy family!?

I was devestated and furious. I had stomach problems (and extended insomnia) for two weeks. Dh, sil and mil all agree fil was out of line on this.

Dh has "spoken" to fil about it and told him it is not ok. I have tried to encourage dh to keep lines of communication open with his family (albeit I have no interest in seeing them anytime soon). I said I didn't want the children to see fil until I was ready (another 2-3 weeks). Yesterday, Dh said he wanted to see his family. Dd (3) piped up and said she wanted to see "Gramps" so I couldn't say no. I was upset and said I was going out for the day so they could do what they wanted. I'd hoped he would take the dcs out for the day (zoo, park) but instead chose to take them to see his parents.

I feel thoroughly betrayed, dh knew I wanted to wait until I was ready rather than have fil see the children now. It is the only bit of control I have over the whole situation as I cannot reply to fil about his abusive messages (to avoid the situation exploding).

WWYD?

Block him on WhatsApp and any visits only to be with your husband who supervises them at all times.

I'd cut him out of my life for good.

How do you get on with your mil?

I don't know about Whatsapp but can't you unfriend him or similar like you can on fb?

I don't think you can stop dh seeing his dad though sorry

Whats whatsapp. If its like facebook just unfriend. Why you taking his bait?

I have blocked him on whatsapp (and from being able to phone or text etc.) anymore.

Mil is ok.

I'm happy for dh to see his family and would have been happy for the dc's to be involved with visits a bit later when I was ready but feel like all of my control over the situation was taken away yesterday.

It's causing real issues for dh and I. I don't want him to cut fil out on my behalf but wish he had stood up for me a bit more rather than go running off to see them (with dc's) just a week and a half after I've stopped being ill.

I don't know whether marriage counselling might be worth a shot?

Actually, let it all explode. He's being rude to you and you are worrying about offending them, has he actually apologised to you? Have you told DH to tell his dad to say he's sorry? Has your DH told his dad this isn't acceptable?

Why has it become your responsibility to be nice?

Your DD is 3, she can be easily distracted by something else. Tell your DH you don't want your DCs going there again until you have had a personal apology and assurances from FIL he won't do this again. To your face, not to DH. You'll go round to recieve your apology but aren't going to pretend he wasn't rude and offensive.

Sounds like DH's are used to FIL being an arse and have decided that it's important to just protect him from the concequences of his actions, even if they all agree it's unacceptable, they do believe they have to accept it. you are the outsider who can actually call him on his behaviour. his drinking problem is the explaination for why he acts like an arse, it doesn't make it ok.

I'm a bit confused by this to be honest. The message you quoted doesn't sound abusive, although I believe you when you say that he has sent you other abusice message. Your dd wanted to see her grandad so dh took her there... What else would you expect him to do? Say 'mummy is upset with grandad so you can't see him'?

Maybe I'm not reading between the lines but I from what you've said, I can't see an issue in your dh taking the kids to see him.

what MaryWestmacott said.

You can block people so they can't send you messages

Actually, your FIL is likely to do this again, because, as others say, he's not had to suffer any consequences for his actions.

Your DH has had "words", but really, unless these words have been backed up by actions, they'll mean nothing.

And as your DH meeked trotted off to see FIL with his DCs, then your DH has not been backing his words up with any action at all.

So he shouldn't be surprised the next time this happens.