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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to a planned lunch tomorrow because my friend has a cold and is insisting on coming?

27 replies

ae123 · 08/03/2014 23:08

A small group of friends have organised a get together tomorrow for a spot of lunch. One of my friends has been texting and emailing me for the last couple of days complaining of a horrendous cold. Today she doesn't sound much better so I doubt she will be recovered by tomorrow. But she is saying that she will come along anyway etc.

Not that I would usually welcome a cold or anything but I really don't want to risk me catching it as I have an exam coming up next week which I need to study for (and attend!) as well as toddler who I don't want to pass it on to either. I am also planning a house move in the next month. So I am busy busy busy.

I was thinking of telling her straight to stay away as I don't want her germs (though phrased a bit more politely) or suggesting we cancel the whole shabang and do it another time.

AIBU? I just feel guilty.

OP posts:

Original poster

ae123 · 08/03/2014 23:09

Or my other option is that I don't go.

OP posts:

Latara · 08/03/2014 23:11

Just don't go, don't feel guilty, she shouldn't turn up with a bad cold.

NoodleOodle · 08/03/2014 23:12

YANBU, no point in catching something where it's easily avoidable.

Just tell her you have been really busy lately and have even more coming up, which will likely lower your immune system and can't afford to catch a cold because it will cause you major difficulties. Then rearrange so she knows you're not trying to cancel, just postpone.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/03/2014 23:14

Until a few weeks ago I'd have agreed with you.

Until I found out that you come into contact with 125 strains of cold virus every day and actually you catch very few.

Amazing ! It's actually genuinely hard to catch a cold.

Original poster

ae123 · 08/03/2014 23:21

I think if she does go tomorrow I won't be able to go as I don't want to risk getting ill. But it makes me a little bit resentful if a way because I was looking forward to a nice lunch and catch up and I'm the one who is staying at home and I'm not the ill one!

OP posts:

bigkidsdidit · 08/03/2014 23:26

If it is a cold, and not swine flu, then by the time she has bad symptoms she won't be shedding virus, so you can't catch it.

owlbegoing · 08/03/2014 23:28

I think YABabitU. The probability of catching her cold would be tiny surely.

wannaBe · 08/03/2014 23:29

Yabu. It's a cold not the plague. You come into contact with hundreds of germs every day, and could catch any of them.

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2014 23:29

Bigkids surely thats not true? I thought a cold virus transmitted through coughs and sneezes

5madthings · 08/03/2014 23:31

It's a cold, not the plague.

If you don't want to go then don't go, but don't try and guilt trip your friend by telling them you aren't going because they have a cold.

bigkidsdidit · 08/03/2014 23:33

Very early, stealth. If she's been ill for days she's very unlikely to still be infectious.

Flu / SARS and the like are different.

ThisIsMyRealName · 08/03/2014 23:33

YANBU to not go if you don't think it's worth the risk. YWBU to suggest they cancel the whole meet up.

This may be controversial, but I just don't understand the idea that anyone with a cold/ mild virus should lock themsleves away until they are 100% recovered. It is an attitude i'd never encountered until I joined MN. To me, if you have a cold you just carry on with life as best as you can.

If you don't want to go, don't go. But there's no reason she should cancel her plans over a cold. It's not the bubonic plague!

NoodleOodle · 08/03/2014 23:35

If it is a cold, and not swine flu, then by the time she has bad symptoms she won't be shedding virus, so you can't catch it.

If they're coughing and/or sneezing, you can catch it. Your immune system does tend to suffer when you're very busy and stressed too so, I wouldn't risk it. I might be hypersensitive to such issues as DP has a congenital respiratory disease so I have to be careful not to catch anything so as not to pass it on to him.

WilsonFrickett · 08/03/2014 23:35

You won't catch her cold unless she sneezes in your face, snogs you with tongues, or she puts her germy fingers in your mouth. Don't sit next to her or across from her and you will be fine.

Seriously, DH has had a grand total of 4 minging colds this year so far. I haven't caught one because we don't share fluids if either of us is ill.

spongebob13 · 08/03/2014 23:37

"its a cold not the plague".

i take injections that lower my already shot to pieces immune system so a cold to you would more than likely end up being a chest infection for me. i pick up everything. every time some is sick around me i get it. so personally i would avoid. OP its your choice - however you could easily catch a cold from the cashier handing you change. but yanbu its your choice.

Quinteszilla · 08/03/2014 23:38

Yabu. You sound like a friend of mine. She cancelled on a winter BBQ with sledging because I had been to dinner with people who had a tummy bug the day before we met them.
Hello, she could not sit next to me OUTDOORS in front of a bonfire, because I had been in contact with people who had just recovered from a bug.

bigkidsdidit · 08/03/2014 23:38

That's not quite true Wilson

If someone sneezes in a tube train or bus or aomewhere else enclosed they virus can hang about for hours. One of the worst things to do is wipe condensation off a bus window. An hour later you touch your mouth without realising and that's it, infected.

Most of us are pretty robust, though.

bigkidsdidit · 08/03/2014 23:39

(That's in the early stages of disease, if she's been ill for four days you should be fine).

spongebob13 · 08/03/2014 23:41

nice to know that people probably think am melodramatic behind my back. i was once put in a waiting room by myself at a packed emergency clinic when the nurse realised i took these injections. guess she thought i was dramatic and ott too.

Silverdaisy · 08/03/2014 23:41

It's up to you if you think it's too high risk. However I wouldn't ask the rest of the group to cancel also, they can still meet up?

If group meets were cancelled until everyone involved was 100% well then friends would risk never seeing each other.

ViviPru · 08/03/2014 23:41

YANBU OP, I wouldn't go. I'm self employed, I don't get sick leave and I avoid potentially contagious people whenever possible. It's not worth the risk.

It's not guilt tripping her to be completely honest about the fact you're genuinely concerned about staying well for your forthcoming exam. As another poster has said, it's reasonable to sayyou suspect your immune system may be under strain at the moment due to your current pressures. And that's why you're not going.

WilsonFrickett · 08/03/2014 23:45

spongebob you have a compromised immune system, the op presumably does not or she would have put it in her op. having just lost a DF to cancer thanks to a secondary infection, no, I don't personally think you are being melodramatic.

bigkid I will amend then to no snogging, window licking, knife and fork sharing, sit at a window and opposite ends of the table in that case

spongebob13 · 08/03/2014 23:46

I'm so sorry Wilson

bigkidsdidit · 08/03/2014 23:46

Lovely

Martorana · 08/03/2014 23:50

Unless you have a compromised immune system you haven't told us about, don't be silly- it's a bloody cold not bubonic plague! Having a cold isn't being ill- it's a cold!

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