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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the driver gets to chose the music?

49 replies

candyapplecore · 08/03/2014 17:27

Went out for lunch with two friends. I drove, and one kept making references to the CD I had on.

When we were driving back, again more references but a lot more blunt and said she wanted the radio on instead. I remarked that when she's driving then she can chose the music.

Music was quiet and just background noise as we were talking anyway. This person has never had a driving lesson in her whole life.

Aibu to think its my car, I'm the one paying petrol, taxing and insuring and therefore I get to decide what music is played?

OP posts:

Edendance · 08/03/2014 19:20

Up to the driver YANBU

Marne · 08/03/2014 19:28

I have this argument when im driving with dh in the car, he will touch the radio and put the football on when I was listening to music, I say 'its my car, I'm driving so should be my choice' but he disagrees .

chateauferret · 08/03/2014 23:41

I let passengers decide on condition that they shall not select shite, so I have power of veto. That means you can choose Radio 4 or Classic FM. Special rules: dispensation for DW to have Radio 2; if there is a test match on, that trumps all other bids provided I can actually find it on the dial. Loss of an England wicket is a Special Occasion and all rules concerning swearing are suspended.

chateauferret · 08/03/2014 23:42

Oh and anyone who switches to Real Radio gets the ejector seat button pressed and lands a few moments later in the Clyde.

ViviPru · 08/03/2014 23:49

YABU! Massively BU! I couldn't bear the thought of inflicting music on people that they weren't enjoying!

Conversely, I would not allow passengers to dictate something is played that I do not like. If I ever find myself with passengers in the Prumobile I'm careful to select something I have reason to believe will be inoffensive and mutually acceptable.

I have never been in the position you describe whereby a passenger is overtly critical of the music. I like to rub along easily with those around me, not belligerently impose my will on them and force them to endure something against their will.

WhileWeSleep · 08/03/2014 23:51

In DP's car I decide as he plays it through his phone and he doesn't do that while driving. If I'm not there he'll just chuck the radio on

OddFodd · 09/03/2014 00:01

YANBU obviously. If you don't like the music in my car, get a cab

CoffeeTea103 · 09/03/2014 00:04

Yabu.surely you want your passengers comfortable? Same thing as having guests over, wouldn't you go out of your way for them.

BrianTheMole · 09/03/2014 00:17

Yabu.surely you want your passengers comfortable? Same thing as having guests over, wouldn't you go out of your way for them.

No I don't agree with that when you're driving. I quite often do journeys that are 6 or 7 hours on the road with passengers. When I'm driving I cannot stand the monotony of football droning on in the background, likewise with music I cannot stand. It gets in my head. And it impacts on my concentration. So its either music I like, or, more often than not, the radio turned off and silence. Fortunately the passengers I take agree with that, because its about safety. On the other hand, when they stay at my house I often give up my bed and conveyer belt a damn decent breakfast in the morning. I don't think you can compare the two. Most people want the driver to be the comfortable one, because it impacts on everyones safety if they are not.

TwittyMcTwitterson · 09/03/2014 01:21

Because I'm super nice DP has use of one slot in my 6 disc changer. I'd rather listen to his shit music than his nagging voice!

On a serious note YANBU. I usually try and please so I mix and match

HootHootTootToot · 09/03/2014 01:41

I think YANBU ...but I have to know what music you were listening to before I can give a definitive answer. There are limits.

ChairOfTheBored · 09/03/2014 01:43

Coffee - surely by giving them a lift the OP is already going out ofher way for her passengers ( assuming they don't live with/next door to her). It would be a cold day in hell before I also slowed a pasenger to impose audio choices. Only exception is if there are DC present and the chosen music is sweary.

ViviPru · 09/03/2014 08:25

6 or 7 hours on the road with passengers. is a bit different to nipping out to lunch with friends. You also say your compromise is no music at all, that's reasonable. Not what the OP has described which is playing something the passenger actively dislikes.

We're talking about the OPs friends not associates or irksome family members lower down the food chain of decision making (aka DCs). Surely there must me some audio common ground between all of you on this thread who simply cannot concentrate on the task of driving unless the music being played is just so and the taste of people you like? People you are choosing to be in the company of - for pleasure?

The passenger was also being belligerent and rude though in this case. You're all U. Glad I wasn't off out to lunch with you, sounds like a delightful time...

RestingActress · 09/03/2014 08:30

Yanbu. Driver decides everything

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 09/03/2014 08:37

My choice of music is so shit and embarrassing I always turn it off when I have guests in my car . My DS is my usual passenger though, and he hardly ever gets to choose, otherwise I'd be listening to bloody Bin Weevils every day

MeMySonAndI · 09/03/2014 08:41

We take turns, I'm the only driver in this household, it keeps the peace (which I also need for driving)

BrianTheMole · 09/03/2014 08:53

I didn't say silence was a compromise vivi, its my choice. I don't put it out there to the vote. And this is to friends, not relatives or children. We all have very different tastes in music. And, although I gave long journeys as an example, the same applies to short journeys. My car, my rules. Glad you weren't off to lunch with me too though, I don't think we'd get on very well.

EverythingCounts · 09/03/2014 08:59

First off, passenger was rude and entitled. I have a friend who really doesn't like a lot of music, and I turn off mine when she is in my car, but I do that because I want to - she has never asked me to. Driver always decides. Me and DH compromise though and take turns to pick, especially on long journeys, regardless of who is driving.

FriedSprout · 09/03/2014 09:00

Sprout drives, then sprout's vibes is the deal here

I also loathe anyone touching my buttons

LynetteScavo · 09/03/2014 09:15

The car owner gets to choose the music. If your friend was driving your car you would get to choose the music as a passenger, as it's your car.

limitedperiodonly · 09/03/2014 09:39

I was in a cab when a programme came on the radio about that weird phenomenon you get on MN about people who are unable to shit anywhere but their own downstairs loo and all the problems they get with their bowels as a result.

A bum doctor was talking about 'faecal impaction' and 'manual evacuation'.

I was too embarrassed to ask the driver to turn it off. Looking back, he was probably too embarrassed to acknowledge it too. So we both pretended it wasn't happening.

I really wish he'd have bitten the bullet and put on something else. Even Steve Wright.

lionheart · 09/03/2014 10:06

Sort of depends what you were playing.

springykyrie · 09/03/2014 10:14

I don't inflict my music tastes on my passengers because I just couldn't relax if I knew they hated it. But temp etc control of the car is down to me so like it or lump it, passengers and I'll chop off your hands if you press any buttons . My friend recently drove us to cornwall (in mid-winter) and had the ice-cold blowers going the whole way because she overheats - I had to wrap up and put up with it, she's the driver, it's about safety not comfort. Your friend was rude, though - it was only a short journey.

AllDirections · 09/03/2014 10:26

YANBU Your friend was very rude. I agree that the driver gets to choose and passengers can choose whether to accept a lift or not.

I think temperature in the car is a bit different. I often ask if I can turn down heaters in my friend's cars as soon as I start to feel sick (generally within 5 minutes) but I usually drive because of my car sickness.

My teens are always pressing buttons I don't mind a quick fiddle to change something but fiddle, fiddle, then a bit more fiddling and a bit more and I tend to get a bit sharp with them at the same time as thinking 'get your fucking hands out of my driving space'

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